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What is the opposite of "Respect"?

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by satchitananda, May 17, 2015.

  1. satchitananda

    satchitananda IL Hall of Fame

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    Absolutely, Balajee. That is always the issue. When I ask the students to see what their reply would be, it is often ""Sie" for father, "du" for mother, husband addresses wife as "du", wife addresses husband as "Sie" or "du" (depending on the level of emancipation!!!) ..... When I ask why, the answer is always "respect". Automatically the question follows "do you not respect your mother? Do you call her "tum" because you have no respect for her"? The whole problem is a misunderstanding of the concept of "respect".
     
  2. Aria

    Aria New IL'ite

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    Why are straightforward questions never straight ?
    Without even reading the post, I had the answer "Disrespect" unless FB has added a new control "Unrespect". That's it ?! Is that the answer or do I need to verify the answer by reading your post? Satchi and her tricks again! As I suspected, there is more to this bob-haired Kapellmeister when she orchestrates elaborate hoax to tempt me to read her post. Aah! now I understand your query.

    No clue about different parts of the world but in my small world with kith and kin fewer than sum of toes and fingers, below is the breakdown.

    I'm blessed to have been raised in a household of native tongue wherein there are atleast three different ways for addressing people. I may have to yield to my irrepressible urge to shed few background details to provide context here. My dad was starched about language at home. Slang, jive, rap had no place at the dinner conversations. Mind, those were the Generation Y times when the only conversations you had with the family was while watching TV or dining. A wagging finger here n there, where did you pick up those gross words, and admonishing glance from my dad was good enough as a birch to reprove my street language (as he termed it). And like all children who read books, bespectacled, plaited, yearn for comics I had a streak to rebel outside the fenced premise.

    So today ..


    #Dad: The highest form of respect in the form of formal "you" was reserved for my dad or only my dad.

    #Mom: Informal "you".

    #Siblings: Like every new arrival prepared for potty training after a certain age, my siblings spent hours/days to teach me to spell "D I D I" or the vernacular variation when I started to babble. And like all toddlers who take great delight to pretend to have lisp or gnarled tongue only when spelling things they hate to spell, I snarled and eventually every one settled with informal "you".

    #Female Friends: I rarely address as "you" or "first name". A variation of informal endearment precedes my association with her on first glance and the name sticks on all cards, correspondence and cat fights. Mere acquaintances with a 20 years margin on either side of age are greeted with informal "you".

    #Male Friends: The crassest and choicest form of address is allotted to this endearing category. I never had a male friend who was "app", "tum", "tu" (or vernacular equivalents) but only vilest and debased monosyllables (you get the idea). Most of them after absorbing initial shock and futile resistance now only endorse that it suits my personality to call them that way. Mind, we've been friends for a long time and will be startled at my informal (a grade above) obeisance to the likes of male members cheeniya, jey and sokana here.


    If I ever address anyone with their First name in my circle it is to signify - "we need to talk". As long as I call them funky endearments, we are good.
     
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  3. satchitananda

    satchitananda IL Hall of Fame

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    Wow Aria! Quite an essay on the topic, eh? Well, I asked for it. :p

    Was amused about the siblings category. I have only one who made her grand entry a decade before me to prepare the stage for mine. She ensured that she would have dug in her heels sufficiently enough to demand "respect" from me. So it was that I was trained to address her as "her name Akka". But as I said earlier, a name does not necessarily bring respect. So we had our good old fights - verbal, physical etc. and she always got the better of it, by virtue of her size and being bony. Her bones hurt me badly whenever I ventured into a physical fight. There came a point when she thought I was old enough to be logical and told me to either call her "her name Akka" and stop fighting with her or stop calling her that. The 4 year old brain had probably collected enough memories over lifetimes to know at that age what was practicably possible and what was not. So it was that I started calling her by her first name. :-D
     
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  4. Aria

    Aria New IL'ite

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    And now that you have asked for some more from this empath ...

    Sister rivalry, armistices, pacts are the best part of life. If one has missed witnessing or experiencing this insoluble affinity then a major chunk of your life has been shaped and forged with the wrong implemets. We used to have big fights , no fisticuffs, but our mouths were loud and well-oiled to compensate for the physical blows. My mom's intervention in the early years quickly dissolved as she realized that the more we fight the more she gets to keep us occupied and not tinkering with the household white goods or perforate her eardrum pleading for a bicycle. Our fights usually centred around cupboard space ..Lebensraum.. I need more space. At one point, we drew demilitarized zones like 38th parallel lines to demarcate our territories. My story is no different to indoctrinate respect via "A K K A-logy" which I staunchly rebuffed and hooted. There was peer pressure from other conquistadors who were successful in sororal conversions & affiliations establishing a bicameral system (House of Elder and House of Younger) but the cheeky and insubordinate devil's changeling that I was, a raspberry blow was all they could wipe away from their faces in return. We have great laugh even today reminiscing those days on skype.
     
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  5. Akanksha1982

    Akanksha1982 IL Hall of Fame

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    Nice topic Satchi.

    I think it is a mixture of everything, respect, closeness in relation, feeling, and what one started with. I called my mom, tu and my dad "tame" (same as aap). My brother who is elder to me, i call him, "tu" while call my babhi "tame". My MIL calls me "tu" while my FIL calls me "tame".

    I call my DH "tame" and he also calls me "tame". i once asked him why he calls me "tame" and he said that when we got married, i was the first person (and ofcourse my side of the family) called him "tame" and he didn't know how to respond to that and that's how it started and is the same even after years.

    With our friends it is interesting, all the girls call me "bhabhi" and "tame" even though they are younger to me by a year or two. The way it got started is that my DH's friend call him "bhai" and "tame" So when we got married, i became their "bhabhi" which carried to their spouses as well. Many times i have objected to that but now it has become their habit.
     
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  6. satchitananda

    satchitananda IL Hall of Fame

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    That is interesting Akanksha. I still find it very strange when anyone refers to me as "aap" in Tamil or Marathi. It sounds too formal. However, in Hindi it sounds really nice; I don't feel so awkward because many people address even kids as "aap".
     
  7. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    Thanks @Rihanna 'post in Gabfest today/ yesterday, I came here. I enjoyed reading your old 2015 's post. Mother is addressed in singular woth vowel sound dragged at end yo make it endearing and yearning like whereas dad used to be addressed as "appa" not as often as "amma" in many households. But in essence addressed in singular or plural the respect doesn't get diminished.

    The word "respect" as acronym according to wikipedia has atleast five or more meanings to include other attributes.
    Quote(.)
    Related to RESPECT: disrespect
    Acronym Definition
    RESPECT Refugee Education Sponsorship Program Enhancing Communities Together (Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada)
    RESPECT Re-Empowerment of Skilled and Professional Employees and Construction Tradeworkers Act
    RESPECT Respect Equality Socialism Peace Environment Community Trade Unionism
    RESPECT Rotorcraft Efficient and Safe Procedures for Critical Trajectories (project)
    RESPECT Risk Evaluation and Stroke Prevention in the Elderly Cerivastatin Trial
    RESPECT Responsibility, Etiquette, Sensitivity, Pace, Educate, Conditions and Tradition(.) Unquote
    Thanks and regards.
     
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  8. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    :hello:A Word that commands respect in accosting close relatives parents siblings and friends vary widely in as much as their intensity, slurring a particular letter in that word.

    2. At times, it denotes the mood of the person word being the same but differ in its utterance and style.

    3. Spouse calls for assistance first time endearingly. Still Dh head remains buried inside The Hindu, though he had acknowledged in mono syllable her calling. Few minutes go by. In disgust, spouse call using same word but pitch is high - there goes away respect a little. Third time she calls in a cracking voice - uttering between her teeth his name Mr T.........Then it means threshold level of endurance reached for spouse . Dh now goes to appease and execute her commands in a jiffy.

    4. While chatting in a friends home, in front of her 5 year old girl, her mother on seeing the late coming domestic maid addressed in Tamil as "vango vango". "Go" at end of the word is respect and it is addressing in plural.
    In wonder, I asked the mother why she welcomes domestic help with so much respect. Her response was thought provoking.
    " If I welcome her addressing vadi ennnadi late? - then my girl too would think that is the right way to address the servant.

    Thanks and Regards.
     
    Last edited: Apr 5, 2021
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  9. satchitananda

    satchitananda IL Hall of Fame

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    Interesting reading, sir. The conversation between your spouse and yourself reminds me of my younger days when my older sib always called me S.... A..... and that was a signal that I was the source of considerable displeasure to the said honourable older sib. :-D Yes, and my mom would also go into the 'vaango' mode but it would be mostly be said with a sort of sarcastically affectionate manner! :-D Really miss those days.
     
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