What is my SIL greatness? Am I unable to understand anything?

OP,

Since her kids are close to you,utilize that to annoy her.I may sound mean-but thats the real catch for you.Spend time with kids as much as possible,make them snacks,play with them,take them around-always show everyone that you are busy with kids and don't have time for listening to stories.involve your hubby to spend time with kids.

Also whenever she boasts,reply as though its no big deal-when she boasts about her career ,reply that she has been working for so many years and everyone will reach that position by that experience,if she boasts about her parenting,tell her that every mom does that and it comes naturally for every mom.if she boasts about her housekeeping,reply that it comes naturally for every woman.just generic statements and don't compare your life when she boasts.And above all,don't consider her reactions for your statements.Just tell and leave the place on the pretext of kids.

 

I know it's very hard, to be honest especially with in-laws family.

But I would give a clap for her bravery and as the other women, I would appretiate her, for whatever decision she is making(good or bad) she is bold.

But at the same time,I won't spare anything from my husband if he compares and comments on me.

 

Dear OP,

Hugs to you. I am shocked seeing some responses where people are praising your SIL. May be the ladies in this forum has soft corner for divorced ladies.
I feel she is the worst attitude lady who is not able to tolerate you being a perfect wife and trying to spoil . Asking your husband about dress, scolding her daughter talking to you, Her parents and your husband have been supporting all her decisions.
Now her own daughter does not get along shows her attitude and personality.

she is a pampered spoiled kid of family. Is she your husband younger sister or elder sister.

she is very insecure in front of you and also jealous.
she takes decision and obviously everyone has to clap for her decisions which you are not doing so she is trying in front of you more and more.

The incidents like she not talking when you went to console during her fight., asking your husband that he not telling about you wearing a dress at vacation, calling to say she finished puja before you. These all show her jealousy and cunning nature. Trying her best to let entire family know that she is the best woman in family. Trust me i saw SIL -SIL jealousy.

I would suggest you avoid talking to her and also fix your husband attitude.

 

@Priya16,

I dont think that you can say it is being brave in taking decisions. But being a fool in taking bad decisions and still feel great about herself.
In return getting accolades and praising from entire family.

@ Op, Did she get any financial or any help from your inlaws and husband when she had separated in need.

 

@ssg What is wrong in a woman separating from a physically abusive husband?

 

I see a lot of red flags on your side.

Are you jealous of her? You seem to know everything about her..like she is working out for a flat stomach, judgmental on when she is supposed to have kids and when & who she should marry...

get her out of your mind and get some peace..her choices, her life, her happiness & sufferings

 

Dear OP

It seems you are way too much analyzing about your SIL. Your hatred towards her and the competition you are having with her are all clearly visible in your posts here.

It seems as if you are expecting your family to have the same bitterness and hatred towards their lady (your SIL) just because you don't like her. This is not acceptable.

From all your posts, rather criticisms about SIL, I could only see the positive sides of this lady.

She is confident, and happy about her life. This makes her strong and beautiful.
What's wrong for having 2 kids, and feel happy about it? What's wrong if she doesn't have to worry about their future?
What's wrong if her in laws are happy and proud about her?
There are all not your problems. Then why you are so worried and upset for them?

She may be actually confident and strong. Being honest about her ownself may seem a little self boasting for the people who are not that confident and strong in life. Not her problem.
As a brother your H may be proud about his sister. It is possible he may have casually asked you to be more confident and positive since you seem to be too bitter and negative about life. This may be a casual suggestion too.
Even though comparison hurts, and it is definitely a bad thing to do... I suggest take it easy, ignore and don't feel too bitter about it.
If at all, this comparison is bad, then blame your husband for that. Not your SIL.

Just because you hate your SIL, doesn't mean your H and in laws should do the same.
She is their blood relative.

A piece of advice for your own peace of mind:
Don't think too much about your SIL.
Don't do so much to compete with her
Don't imagine so much about how she should be feeling/living etc

I see your self-boasting about being too close with your niece, and the niece being not-so close with her mommy (SIL) and everything related to it is your mitigation methods for the life long hatred you have about your SIL.
Eg: My elder son likes her aunt (my sis) so much, that whenever we go there or she comes here, my son will spend his time with his aunt. My sister too loves him so much. This doesn't mean I am a bad mom, or my son doesn't love me!
This is nothing that my sister can feel good about either!

Counselling may be helpful in your situation, as a positive alternate method.

 

what if i tell that my own sisters do same like what u said about ur SIL.?? we too meet just once in a year all we all live in different cities.
well i really liked rihana's comment that without ur consent this is not competition for u..
my sisters are not very extra ordinary but still in front of my husband they will narrate all silly things i did in childhood (who does not do in childhood period) but they will never praise what good i did..and will always comment something or the other to put me down. i really hate this. though i know myself that i m much better than them in handling everything btu still used to feel bad and depress. but my hubby said not to give importance and leave them as they are just for few days and he knows me and them very well so makes no sense in all that foolish self paising of them.
this i told u just to make u clear that u should see ur own strength and positive side. dont give them damn importance and bear them as u r just for few days with them....