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what is married life ?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by padmaiyangar, Aug 2, 2007.

  1. imemyself

    imemyself Senior IL'ite

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    hi,
    I am new to this group, just one day old.I joined yesterday...:2thumbsup:
    I have been married for 3.5 yrs and I have a 17 mth old son....
    I have a certain situation wherein I dont know how to react....
    My hubby loves me a lot but doesnt express it in words or action...where as I am the very expressive kind....!
    He is in a good profile in an excellent MNC.
    Even I am in the IT field but right now am on leave to take care of my kid.Will be joinin office in another 2 mths...!
    My hubby is very ambitious in his career...he loves to learn and take up tough certification exams...so and the result is seen by the appreciation and recognition he is getting in his company...!
    now he has joined for a MBA which is thro e-learning...which means the time i am going to get to talk to him is even more reduced....
    Now,even I want to scale up high in my career....If i work it shld b to grow and not just to get money....! But i can't leave my family and concentrate on work..whereas my hubby's full concentration is on his career...whenever we talk its only abt his growth,MBA and his goals....and making money...
    I try initiating some romantic lines :oops: but end up with his MBA,or abt saving money....
    Now it seems there is nothin for us to talk except this...
    and yes..he does spend time with the kid...but still there is something missing...I dont know how else to explain it...
    Now...what am i supposed to do...!
    how do i make him understand that family is first....
    he is earning a lumpsome salary...but he says its not enough..!!!!! :idontgetit:

    Can anyone suggest what am i supposed to do...!?

    Luv...jaya:confused:
     
  2. Blondie

    Blondie Bronze IL'ite

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    Dear Kusum and Imemyself,

    looks like your calls for help got lost in transition. My suggestion to you both is that each of you should start a thread and post your concerns in that. I am not saying that you have posted in the wrong thread but most of the people who reply to the thread starter do not go through all the responses before posting their own thoughts.

    Kusum you have raised a very good question which is relevant to the changed times. Why is it that more is asked of fairer sex in a marraige/relationship when both are equally contributing to financial wellness of the family.

    dear Imemyself love your user name. Apt description of your DH??
     
  3. Blondie

    Blondie Bronze IL'ite

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    <<
    So it's important that if you love a person love him or her the way he or she is and not the way you want him or her to be. Then you can be happy.
    >>

    Padma you have given us the key to marital happiness.

    No matter however upset i am with my husband all the ill feelings go away when i come down every morning into the kitchen and see a cup of tea waiting for me lovingly or routinely prepared by my husband.

    I never reciprocate that gesture to him but he unfailingly makes me a cup of tea. He has accepted that I will not think of making him his morning tea and I have accepted that he is not the touchy feely kind of guy and is not comfortable with expressing love and affection in public.
     
  4. BhargaviChakravarthy

    BhargaviChakravarthy Bronze IL'ite

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    Dear padma madam,
    A well written post indeed.As ilites said,I agree with them.Marriage works well if support,co operation,adjustment are from both sides.In today's age,marriage fails mainly due to lack of care and love between the couples.The main reason i cite is they run behind their hectic work schedule ,(though this is not the only reason) they are not ready to spend time with his /her partner.If both have the same mindset ,it doesn't matter.but if any one expects care,love and affection from the other side and the same does not happen,then it is the time that the real problem between the couples start.All problems in marriage can be avoided if both of them accepts and shares their feelings and most importantly spend time with him/her.but all these happens only for a year or two after marriage.At this time i make it a point to say that we must put a full stop to the stupid tamil proverb which says"aasai arubadhu naal(60 days),Mogam Muppadhu naal(30 days).I really hat this nasty comment.Marriage is life long commitment and bonding.If this basic logic is understood,then there will not be any divorces.
     
  5. Vysan

    Vysan Gold IL'ite

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    Hi all

    After reading all, i felt there is one word which is missing in the whole sequence which i want to add...... Trust & belief in the partner. I have seen lot of marriages failed due to unnecessary suspicion.

    The unpeccable trust & belief of my better half on me has helped me from getting out of unwanted complications. When your husband/wife keeps enormous faith on you, you will never be tempted to cheat on them or your mind & heart will not permit.

    Veda
     
  6. Pragmatic

    Pragmatic New IL'ite

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    Friends...true In married life, love, compromise, adjustment, concerns are very important but only women follow this and keep pleasing men for all her life
    sad but true ..
    when will Men understand that they need to love, adjust, care and compromise...
     
  7. libra4164

    libra4164 Silver IL'ite

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    Hi Kusum,
    Its nice of you to share your thoughts. I am married for 23 years and always kept going with sharing my thoughts with friends. We go through different phases in our life; with regards to our relationship with our spouse. Sometimes we feel like walking out of the house at that very minute and at times you tell yourself, life isn't that bad.
    It is said that if both the partners pull the thread it will break. If he is trying to make you mad then try and be extra nice to him (I know its not easy):rant If he is going out with his friends, then you should go out with your kids too:cheers In this way its fair for all parties. Try to include some of your friends and their kids too. Do not depend upon your spouse for your entertainment, and trust me things change.
    Hope this helps. Let your spouse guess what brought this big change in you:spin
     

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