what is harmless flirting?

I think we can all agree that there is a thrill to be had from dallying with the opposite sex in this way. Laks finds her admirer's attentions more obnoxious than titillating; perhaps a single woman (or one with lower standards) might enjoy whatever the Lothario is doing.

It is up to each individual, single or sentenced, erm, I mean married, to decide what is good for them. People who are bored at work, egotistical, and so on, may feel a compulsive need to flirt. Others may flirt only with that special someone, which is what usually turns into a relationship.

Whatever the case, it is a slippery slope. Even single people run the risk of having their intentions misread, of getting in over their heads, of starting something that then snowballs out of control (which is why so many workplaces have guidelines for office protocol regarding harassment/relationships).

Flirting may not be always harmful, and I am not at all against it, in the right situation. But part of being a responsible grown-up is being able to tell exactly what the right situation is, and extracting yourself from a situation that may lead to inappropriate behavior. Impulse control is something we should master by kindergarten, at least.

P.S. All of the above becomes immediately null and void should Benedict Cumberbatch happen to wander past me.

P.P.S. Yes, I know he looks like a gecko, but that voice, and that sneer...

 

and is despicable.

 

This is something I read somewhere and I agree with it.

Sexual tension always exists between a man and a woman. Friendship, flirting... etc come to my mind as varying degrees of that tension.

 

Huh? :confused2:

 

Ansuya - while treading along the coast of wooing, flirting is a lagoon. When it comes to single people, usually wooing is considered an umbrella term and flirting as specific type of approach, though I prefer to classify them as discrete interactions with the opposite sex and not whole-part hierarchy.

A woman, displaying unrequited love, might be unconcerned or dismissive when she is being wooed but definitely signs of flirting (when she does not want to be involved) will result in indictments from HR resulting in termination of employment as well.

Does wooing cross that line and become flirting, er..not always or atleast that is how I feel, to me wooing has sophisticated, funny, charming touch but flirting (as it sounds like flitting between people) deems more risque and improper in work place as you recall.

(Er..why this post - thinking loud is that only coffee that employees come to drink at the cafeteria or to be intoxicated with that deep, dark eyes and utter - "you are what wind is to birds, tune is to music, water is to ..uh....ah ..salmon" to woo his ladylove)

 

Aaargh! Soka, you've my full support to get rid of 15 min window, let me know what decibel is needed to break it!

Ansuya - my previous post was with respect to this context in the sentence.

Does a woman know if she is being being wooed or flirted?
Does a man make his intentions clear? How?

Rather what is that commonality between wooing and flirting that makes it indistinguishable at times and leads to confusion, contempt or even contrition (after that HR admonish) thinkingsmiley

P.S: Before any brickbats are swayed my way, only in the context of single people here. Nemesis did not want to make it an educational thread but I'd love to hear your views and I'm sure it would assist a lot of young women at work.

 

[Sets time machine for 1992, in an effort to recall single-and-ready-to-mingle phase]

Uttaraa, you ask from the perspective of a woman, so I'll do my best to give my opinion in that context. But this line of reasoning can apply just as well to men who are the object of flirtatious attention, which is a reality in my world.

I'm not sure I'd draw such a hard and fast distinction between being wooed, and being flirted with. I know the language lover in you prefers the more romantic, evocative sound of "to woo", but really, it's all part of the same set of behaviors, which you have pointed out yourself.

Confusion - This can be avoided with some straight talk, and straight body language. If the flirtee likes the flirter, then the flirtee should reciprocate. If the flirtee is unsure of what the flirter is up to, some discreet research may be in order (Is he like this with everyone? Does he pick a fresh new victim every year at the Christmas party? Is he just seriously unaware of personal boundaries?). If the flirtee is convinced that the flirter does not have a chance in hell, then the flirtee has an obligation to dissuade the flirter kindly but firmly, since it is cruel to give someone false hope just for the ego boost. This can be done by parrying (like a sword-fight) every compliment, "harmless" touch, extra attention etc. clearly and unequivocally.

Contempt - You can't really blame someone for liking you. Even if the thought of being with that person makes you want to throw yourself into a nice, cleansing active volcano, I think it is only good manners not to show it. So, before things get out of hand, again, let the flirter know that while he is a great catch, you are still in two minds about whether to apply for that promotion, or follow your childhood dream of giving up all your worldly goods and joining a nunnery. Not to mention your homicidal ex-boyfriend who has made it his life's work to find and maim all potential future BFs...

If a man was interested in seriously pursuing a woman, I would think his wooing behavior might be a little more respectful, and a little less playful, than random, come-and-get-it flirting would be. Office flirts often will have a reputation, so it shouldn't be hard to figure out who is earnest, and who is just in it to get some kicks.

Ultimately, it may be necessary to force the flirt's hand... something along the lines of, "What exactly are we doing here?" may be necessary. The decent guy who's really interested will treat it as a serious question (the decent, shy guy - my favorite combination - may run away and hide in the supply closet). The player, on the other hand, will probably give you a salacious grin, and say something stupid like, "What would you LIKE us to be doing here?".

Now, dearest Uttaraa... after all these hypotheticals, is there something we need to know about who is saying what to whom at the water cooler where you work?

 

On a lighter note, i have told my DH that he can flirt, have EMA or whatever. I am housekeeper and I will keep the house if that happens and he will have to move out.