What is happening to me ????

Naksh · Apr 16, 2010

Please help. I don’t know where to start from. I don’t know the reasons for whatever is happening at home. I don’t feel like am in my own home. I don’t love my wife like I used to anymore. No, I love her as much as I used to, but something has changed for sure. I don’t like this feeling. As an example for why I feel something has changed in me, even though I hate it when somebody cries, especially loved ones, my heart felt the pain when she cries or is sad some months ago. But these days, when she cries I don’t feel so, just so she stops, I would take her in arms and rock her, but I don’t feel the pain (sometimes I do, but not all the times). Instead, I feel anger. I don’t like this at all.

I know this is an incomplete post, I truly don’t know where to start, these days we seem to disagree upon everything, it was’nt like this before. Please help me understand.

Aksh.

Foundlove · Apr 16, 2010

Dear Aksh,
How long have you been married? It might be the familiarity kicking in. You are so used to her crying maybe you don't feel the pain but want to comfort her and thats good.

Why don't you write down your issues and ILs can give you some suggestions.

The initial phase is different.It will always change and actually thats good!!!

FL

Naksh · Apr 16, 2010

Dear FoundLove. Thank You for wanting to help us.

We are into 13th month of our married life. We have a daughter.

Issues as such are'nt any outstanding ones. She used to say am perfect and she liked each and eevry trivial thing i did. Now a days, she seems to not like anytihgn I do. I know she likes me. If I give my opinion, she doesnot like it. She does not yell at me or bark, instead she goes silent (which is worst). I cannot even complain to her that she is not talking to me, because she talks to me but not in her usual tone. And if I say so, she goes "I am my usual self, why whats the matter. I am talking to you am I not?" and I would be left with no answer and I hate to be in such kind of environment. And sometimes, she would be talking and smiling to the baby as if nothing has happened, ignoring me. It would seem to me as if am fretting over nothing. or am i really?

And if I try to copy her by being silent (which I cant), but if I did, then she would cry.

Aksh.

Naksh · Apr 16, 2010

I am at fault. She is not bad at all. Its just that am unable to understand her. We both have dfferent outlook towards life.

All through 25 yrs of my life, no body has ever found any fault with me (even though am at fault), so I built my circle around such people and never get near anybody if I think their frequency does not match with mine. My wife has always found me good, but i doubt it these days. I am unable to take it from her. And at the same time, I cant stay away form her thinking our frequencies dont match.

I have some pre conceived notions about family life, and she has her own. This is where we disagree upon most of the time these days. Disagreeing is fine, but why do you go silent if my ides are not agreeable, which irks me and leads to an argument.

Aksh.

mithy232 · Apr 16, 2010

Naksh,

She used to say am perfect and she liked each and eevry trivial thing i did. Now a days, she seems to not like anytihgn I do.
Click to expand...

Because she may be busy now taking care of the baby. Both of you allot some time and revive your love life. Don't worry....you have a new member now and both of you will eventually adjust to the new situation.

Foundlove · Apr 16, 2010

Dear Aksh,
So you are married for just a year and you also have a little one. This is very common for young couples.

How long have you known her?

If both of you disagree but there might be something common that attracted you to her.

If you are talkative and she is silent thats her nature.

Also remember having a baby is a big change for women and hormones run a lot..

List a few things that bother you and you need to basically talk to her nicely.Even if she is quiet she is listening.

Don't feel like she is unhappy or anything..she will tell you if thats so.

Take Care.
FL

Vidya21 · Apr 16, 2010

Married life is constantly changing and evolving, expect it to change, and expect to see the person you married change.

How do you think your preconceived notions of life differ from hers? Could you list them so we could help better? Just trying to get a handle on what it is that is bothering you.

Are the opinions she does not listen to about the baby? Perhaps she feels she understands the baby's needs better, or has a better handle on "baby how-tos". Secondly, taking care of an infant is exhausting. She might not have the same energy levels as before and prefers to be silent. She likely has a different conflict-resolution strategy than yours (you prefer to speak it out, she prefers to sort it out in her head.)

Good luck.

Priya16 · Apr 16, 2010

with small kids and after delivery women are more emtional than before .
They will not have same energy as before and there energy will drained by taking care of new born.
So you need to be more handy and understanding than before.

She may not have energy to resolve the conflicts and prefer to be silent.

ananthy · Apr 16, 2010

Dude, during the pregnancy phase and after delivery there are lot of harmonal changes in a woman. what your wife is going through is just a mood swing (feeling irritated, angry etc for no reason). she loves you. you just need to be extra patient during these moments. she will be fine but will take some time.

OOPALL · Apr 16, 2010

How about take some time out and talk with each other? It may be just as simple as a little time together is all you need. Communication is very important in any relatiohship.

Thanks,
OOPALL!