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What Does It Mean..

Discussion in 'Intimacy' started by DDream, Jan 27, 2017.

  1. DDream

    DDream Finest Post Winner

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    What is meant by 'sexual satisfaction' to men? Any ideas? When are they really happy and satisfied? How a women can make her man satisfied? Is it related to frequency?
     
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  2. swan02

    swan02 Silver IL'ite

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    Hi D Dream. I think this answer will vary from person to person. You should ask the man directly what he means. And ask to clarify. In what context has this come up?

    I saw your post on a different thread. I may not be able to clarify too much but want to help how I can.
     
  3. pinky2cute

    pinky2cute Platinum IL'ite

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    hi,
    sexual satisfaction varies person to person..just like the definition of love or life or anything for that matter.

    If you are seeking answers for "sexual satisfaction definition" to please your partner in bed, then the best person to answer it would be the man himself.

    If you want general opinion, I would say men usually love it when women takes the initiative and takes him to pleasure rides [ i don't think I need to explain what that is ;) ]
    Few men get turned on by sexy lingeries, few by dirty talks, ...some may get turned on by beautiful well maintained feet! ...
    Once he gets turned on, he would love to make his woman moan which gives him satisfaction that he could please her in bed. [ and that's why women fake orgasms lol].
    Men don't just crave for physical sex, they too connec to us emotionally. They feel good when they can satisfy their partner.

    hope this helps.
     
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  4. DDream

    DDream Finest Post Winner

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    Thanks @swan02 and @pinky2cute for your reply. It is a very privite issue which we cannot talk to any.

    I asked this question because my dh complained about it recently. I thought we are leading a normal ***life for ~10 years and never denied it. When I read IL forum, many ladies complained about not having active sex life with dh and cited it as a reason to consider divorce as they want more(!). Some remains in sexless marriage. I haven't seen any post (may be I missed) with roles reversed. In other posts I found were cases with men go for fun outside marriage even with an active wife(!).
    I value love, care over sex I think. ***is last thing that come to my mind after job, kids, home etc... When I read pinky2cute on another post, I found I am not alone in this world. Am I not normal? If I spend much time with dh or happy or relaxed mood it come naturally. I dont feel any urge for it otherwise (low drive may be). I dont think ***. Yes I asked him. I guess he feels that I am a 'very passive lover' and not passionate about it (he dont say it by himself even after asking it, I am guessing from bits and pieces) and mostly in the receiving end. I thought i cooperate well. May be I need to initiate more as the above posts suggested. I dont feel like that either, may be I need to push myself. Or something is pulling me back.
    I posted it here, as I am curious to how a mans perceptive and I am sure many ILadies are watching this thread from the number of views and may be useful to many like me. Anyone else faced this problem before? Thanks for your time
     
    Last edited: Feb 2, 2017
  5. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Op....men also like most of the stuff women like.

    They like to be wanted.They like being appreciated.

    Marriage is a sexual relationship. When a man and woman get married...it is with the assumption that they will satisfy each other in all ways including sexually.

    They get hurt by rejection unless there is a valid reason like health issues just like women get hurt.

    Men also feel vulnerable because they are often judged on their performance or lack of it.

    Apart from this....it is specific to individuals.Ask him what he likes....perfumes,what kind of nightwear,cuddling(some like it ,some don't) ,talking .

    Even if your drive is low...it is not non existent. Note down stuff you like. What gets you interested,Where you like to be touched,What kind of smell you like or dislike .Tell him.
    Be a little selfless in love and give .Be a little selfish in love and ask. ....... If you know you have low drive, that means you have to make a little bit extra effort to make it work.

    If you are not that keen on the actual sex.....give more in the pre sex phase.Flirt with him, touch him lovingly while passing by him,compliment him on his look ,his smell ...get his motor running ,may be he will get so involved in his performance ,he will miss out your average participation.

    Even if you aren't n cloud nine....hug him after wards and tell him you love this part .
     
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  6. swan02

    swan02 Silver IL'ite

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    Hello DDream. You are right in what you are saying - there is no right or wrong for what is normal in sexual desire. Your sexual desire is normal and so is your husband's. However, there is a mismatch.

    What I will mention is that like anything else in marriage, it is important to do things mutually. Your husband may desire more passion. Nothing wrong with that, but maybe rev up your sexual appetite, and think of ways to enjoy sex more - your own fantasies, desires that you can share with your husband. How great is that?

    You don't have to do anything that you are not comfortable with. Infact, make changes that will make sex more exciting for you. Your husband's pleasure will follow. Kiss him often. Show more interest at night. Shower together. Try nice lingerie that you will enjoy wearing. These are just examples. But basically, realize that love and sex go hand in hand. Sex is one way to express love. You love your husband hence show him more.

    Sex can be a very enjoyable activity, and ofcourse a bonding experience. The idea is to make sure that you are both enjoying it. Your drive might seem lower - but you are not adverse to sex. Find ways to enjoy it more yourself - don't do it for your husband, but for yourself. He will be enthralled and his pleasure will follow.

    Let me know how things go... :)
     
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  7. DDream

    DDream Finest Post Winner

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    @swan02 and @yellowmango, Thank you so much for your reply. Look like I need to find more time and think about it more often :)
     
  8. pinky2cute

    pinky2cute Platinum IL'ite

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    In marriage tou don't always have to match up with your spouse at same level.
    I believe it is the differences that makes the bond more strong.
    Suppose in my case-
    I'm very active in day to day activities ...my DH kindof couch potato
    I love to read/solve mind puzzles/crave for creativity....DH loves to sing/watch movies
    In bed, I'm the lazy one while he is the active person.
    I get angry soon but I cool off sooner too.
    Where as DH will get angry and stay mad for too long.

    So this way we balance each other.

    I think married life will be borng if both couple were high in everything.

    :p Dunno if i made any sense here.
     
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  9. Nonya

    Nonya Platinum IL'ite

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    Watch instructional videos together, and put what you see on categories
    1. Done that
    2. Should try that
    3. Sure, why not
    4. May be after a few drinks
    5. People can do that?

    Affectionate life includes the Sharing of laughs.

    The Nike Shoe company tag line "Just Do It" means, you can wear sneakers to bed, if you are totally shy about being naked.
     
  10. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Our body and mind needs to be relaxed and ready to enjoy a passionate sex. For women, some stages in life may be not a great time for good sex.
    Particularly, I had a very low drive after my second pregnancy. Both were c-sections.
    That's when I had loads of practical problems both at home and office, mainly when I resumed work after the maternity.
    I was guilt ridden to leave my 5 months old at home alone, and suffered mastitis at office, and what not.
    There were so many other problems running in our house too.
    In addition, the pregnancy weight and the shapeless body of mine. Oh God... That was the most toughest time of all.
    The least thing I could think was sex that time. I did not bother much about my H's needs and my responsibilities when I finally retired at bed just after 12am, with an alarm turned on at 5 am for the next day.

    That's when you need loads of open talks with your H to ease our other chores, so that you have sometimes for yourself - including IC.
    Sex is one most important part of your marriage, and you can't take your low drive for granted. Because your H may not be having a low drive at the same time. So, you shouldn't starve him.
    It is like I am not hungry, so I am not gonna cook for the rest of my family members assuming they are also not hungry... Got me???

    If your drive is low, it is probably your other life's tensions. May be kids, office work, daily chores at home etc..
    Identify them, get help from H as much as possible. Get paid help... But at the end of the day, get some time for yourself.
    Do exercise, yoga in the evening.
    Switched to healthy diet
    Start taking a bath before bed time.
    Switch to good night cloths - not necessarily lingerie.
    Make your bed room pleasant, with some sweet smells
    Retire in bed with your spouse well before your actual sleep time. So that you both cook chit chat, cuddle, hug, kiss and lay on each others lap for a while relaxingly and you won't feel the urge to fall asleep immediately.
    This private setting will eventually set your mood right.
    Ask your H to do the initiatives, and extra foreplay as much as he can, so that your drive may be activated.
    Don't bring up any issues, specially in laws during this time. It is a huge turn off.

    If you think you are undergoing any health problems, such as thyroid, anemia, etc... get then treated.

    In the mean time, openly tell this to your H. Get his help to turn yourself on, until you are back to normal.
    For many, pregnancies are the culprits.

    It took me 2 years to settle mentally and physically from all the troubles that I was facing right then. Now that my drive is activated ;)
     
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