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What do you think of this act??

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by sridivya, Feb 12, 2010.

  1. sridivya

    sridivya New IL'ite

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    This is about my sister's friend.

    They were married for 5years, were happy both working.
    They have been TTC for a year.
    Each time they check the pregnancy detector it would come out negative. They have done it for 6-7times. Each time it showed negative they both(husband wife) would be upset.
    One time when it came out negative, the husband asked "Will you ever get pregnant", Do you even get your periods?"

    Next day, the wife went and filed for divorce. Husband got a shock but wife stood her ground and insisted on divorce. Finally, they divorced.

    I wanted to know what ILites think of this act.
     
  2. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

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    Looks like your sister's friend just wanted out of the marriage and used her husband's comment as an excuse to do it. Maybe the failed attempts and pressure to have kids finally wore on her and she didn't have the patience to face the dissapointment anymore. But you said they were only TTC for ONE year... that is hardly enough time. I feel the way she acted was too hasty and cruel. I don't agree with how she handled it at all.

    Children are not the be all to end all in this world. And I don't think the point of marriage should be about having children. It should be about the union of two souls. Sometimes children are a by-product of that union, sometimes not. I think as Indians, we put too much emphasis on having kids... and when it doesn't happen immediately, it takes a huge toll on some relationships.

    But any wife who gives up her marriage just becase she couldn't conceive in the first year of trying, doesn't seem like the type of woman you'd want to spend the rest of your life with anyways. Seems like her priorities aren't in place. Who knows... maybe there were other reasons she didn't want to stay married. I feel bad for her ex.
     
  3. paru72

    paru72 Silver IL'ite

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    the hubby might not have meant it literally.but even then it was rude on his part.he might have paused for 1 sec.to think abt how she might take it.it is quite lotta pressure to woman to conceive.she might've been as stressed out as her hubby.but the doesnt mean that she should've acted in haste.wrong on her part too!
     
  4. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

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    SriDivya

    I am sorry to say this..but that lady is your sisters friend...how close are you to her?? how frequently do you talk to her? just by one incident or one comment or some piece of information we came to know is not enough to really judge anyone. You are saying they were married for 5 yrs... I was thinking this one incident is not enough to make out any whys and whats....there should/would have been more to it to even comment / judge the wife/husbands act here...
     
  5. sridivya

    sridivya New IL'ite

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    ASG,Paru...Seems like the pressure of TTC had weighed heavily on them. Some people cannot take stress even reasonably well...that's what I thought.
    Anyway, her husband must not have said so and she has also reacted quite drastically to it. It must have hurt to the core.


    SriVidya, that was what I heard. I only know this through my sister. Honestly, I have never spoken to her. That lady was my sister coworker and friend. I asked my sister if there were any other issues and she said not that she knows of. So, I assumed there were no sizzling issues in the marriage that could have lead to this break up.
    I wanted to know what the ILites would think of this act if it was only husband's remark/query that could have hurt her so badly. Can it be even possible?
     
  6. MiaSen

    MiaSen Senior IL'ite

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    I felt it was too rude a comment for a husband to make - though it could have come out of frustration of not getting pregnant...
    But the wife's reaction too seems to be out of normal - probably the hubby would have been continuously pin pointing her for not getting pregnant...
    Even now most old ppl and few husbands feel that only the lady is responsible if she is not getting pregnant...
    With just one such incident we cannot blame the wife/hubby alone...
    We donno wat all had happened in their 5yrs of married life :coffee
     
  7. ProReal

    ProReal Senior IL'ite

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    I am sure there must be some other reasons that would have caused her to file a divorce. While TTC can be frustrating for couples I have always seen couples face the frustration together... This doesnt make sense that the one sentence which he could have said out of sadness caused her to file for divorce.

    Maybe there was a lot of smoke already ...
     
  8. roopahari

    roopahari New IL'ite

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    I am probably in that situation, so I know how hard it is to deal with infertility. It is not easy to answer questions anyone asks. Each person handles the pressure in different ways, and this girl must have a short fuse, so she snapped sooner than other people. As if it is not enough answering the questions society asks, the hubby, also has to, even after seeing with his own eyes what this girl is going through?
    More than any one in the world, a woman who has fertility issues needs the complete, unconditional support of her spouse. It is not the man who has to take the injections, or medications or be poked and pried about in unwanted places, and if he of all people cannot be supportive, he does not deserve to be married. I understand what this girl must have gone through completely, and sympathize with her.
     
  9. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

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    Dear

    This is what I was referring to. Until and unless we speak to the person about their marriage life and the issue one on one or unless they share some info, just with one incident/ one dialogue that came out cant be all to decide on someones behaviour...either her or her husband!! There is always more to it, when issues like divorce/separation happens...so I would not be interested in judging anyones act in your sisters friends scenario...and also lets not assume or blame anyone person just based on this one piece of info you know...JMO
     
  10. sridivya

    sridivya New IL'ite

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    SriVidya, I got you! I know it is hard to judge some situation when we do not know the full details. I understand what you are saying.
    I was just wondering whether one statement can lead to such a disaster. Can it?? Can someone be that sensitive???
     

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