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What Do You Think Ladies?

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by SGBV, May 18, 2022.

  1. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    It may be common in your organization to inquire, but consider a change from that because such inquiries with casual questions asked in Whatsapp or IG will not get you reliable information. People leave an organization for all kinds of reasons and all places have politics. It is as useful as asking someone, "What did you think of the Niagara Falls/ Great Wall of China?"

    Keep it super simple: A new employee is joining. Follow the organization guidelines to welcome them, help them settle in, point them to resources, make it clear how to contact you. Don't spend energy on assuaging vague concerns your team members have about the support they will receive. Instead of anticipating problems of all kinds and preparing for them, wait for an actual problem, and attend to it when it happens.
     
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  2. lakshmi888

    lakshmi888 Silver IL'ite

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    Yes, if someone tries to contact any contacts ( social or professional ) of mine without my consent even for background check , I am just going to send official written complaint to HR as I know the laws in the western country I reside in .

    I take my privacy very seriously .

    lots of hiring managers are provided this info in the orientation in new org on the day of joining in most western countries on not to contact any ones professional or social network without the individuals consent as it’s liable for lawsuit..

    even 3rd party BG big names take consent before asking to check court records for background check .

    If no consent is given by an individual, companies can’t check legally and won’t check !!
     
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  3. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    I dont understand why would some people are so rude & have very narrow mindset. But its just them :(
    But, i also understand the different qualities of human nature :(
    It is all part & parcel of developing our social skills.

    First of all, i was not a stranger.
    We worked together under one dept for 2 years. Were very good friends at work a few years before. We follow each other on IG. Share WhatsApp msgs etc....
    Since she works in a deep field location, at times her WhatsApp do not work. It happens with anyone.
    So, it doesnt hurt to leave a msg in IG too.
    We do that with others often. Fortunately not my other friends/colleagues are harsh like this one.

    Woah... Rudeness justified ah?

    When i moved to Cairo, many people started wondering whether i moved there permanently.
    I did receive a lot of inquiries in my WhatsApp, IG & even FB. Some tried all the 3 when i wasn't reachable. But, then, i wasn't rude with anyone.

    First, i didn't put my question officially. It was just a very personal level conversation between two ex colleagues cum friends.
    If she wasn't comfortable, she could have said it openly in a more dignified manner.
    If i were her, i would have replied differently.

    It is all about good manners & behaviour.
     
    Last edited: May 20, 2022
  4. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Thanks again ladies....

    I clearly understand where i went wrong. Yes, i could have waited till i go back to work & then worked out with my superiors & HR on the ways of handling this new recruit with disability.
    I could have discussed with my team & understood their concerns much clearer before reacting.

    Since mine & the subordinates' intention were pure (i.e to find ways to cope with the new one positively), we just went ahead out of curiosity.

    The other colleagues who had worked with this staff had very positive reviews. Except for this one who has created a nountain out of a mole hill.

    She should have simply said she can't discuss such matters in social media. It is simple as that.

    Instead, she wrote many things sarcastically, like why i gossip? Why i contact her in IG & WhatsApp as if it is so urgent/imptn?
    And more importantly the last line... I should be told/trained not to discuss personal details of staff members outside of work.

    Come on... We all have received CoC training and in particular i am here working for the past 17 yrs; so i know what i am doing.
    But, i can also go wrong. Do mistakes. Colleagues have a way of pointing that out nicely & diplomatically than being rude & sarcastic. That's my worry.

    This is just a casual inquiry. If you can't or dont want to discuss, plz say it in a dignified manner. It is very simple, than complicating things & showing off your personal grudge & jealousy.
    But, thanks to whatsoever. I knew my limits with her now. Its a new lesson learnt.
     
  5. Ruby2019

    Ruby2019 Gold IL'ite

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    To each his own. To you, you might be comfortable with responding if someone asks you. I would not to. I would not reply rudely to you, granted, but I would make it clear too.

    Things get very easily misconstructed at work. IG is not official at all and asking about a colleague before they transfer to your team indeed does not go down well. All should be done officially. Especially no one would want to put such things down in black and white if it’s not official communication. I do 1:1 with previous manager before someone transfers, look at appraisals and all. Maybe you can do that?
     
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  6. ashima10

    ashima10 Platinum IL'ite

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    No .
     
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  7. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Exactly. The discussion here is not about my inquiry. It is about the rude response of the ex colleague.

    Agreed, if i was making an official inquiry through IG before recruitment. Or approached someone not known to me at personal level.

    She is my ex colleague. Worked closely with me, been friends for sometimes. And the discussion was more casual like "so & so from your office has been transferred to my team. How is she?"

    Here the recruitment is done. All such inquiries are cleared & the incoming staff member's name is officially announced with the arrival date.
    My question was more of personal level.

    So, she could have made it clear to me in a friendly & dignified manner.

    We weren't enemies to be rude & sarcastic about this matter. I can't agree with rudeness.

    If being rude & sarcastic is justified between colleagues/friends, then i begin to wonder the characters behind those faces.
     
  8. Laks09

    Laks09 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    This is concerning. You can be mad at your friend but she can share the IG messages with HR and get you in hot water. If I were you I wouldn’t be fuming about her rudeness. I would apologize and say I’ve understood and will not repeat this.
    Regardless of your 17 yrs experience, this will become more than what it is if she escalates. Do not let it escalate.
    You are in the receiving end here.
     
  9. mangaii

    mangaii Platinum IL'ite

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    You are talking about some one else character shows your understanding of this issue . I hope you don’t get into trouble .
     
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  10. Swetha52003

    Swetha52003 Silver IL'ite

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    SGBV, it’s funny you are talking about rudeness.. I don’t think she was rude. It is quite clear that she did not like you contact her in social medias to ask about a disabled staff. She just showed her displeasure, that’s it. Like Laks said don’t fume too much about it. If she contacts HR, you can be in trouble.

    Now about being rude, when I read some of your responses in some other threads, I felt the same way about you.. But does that mean you are characterless? No, a big no.. The same applies to all people, SGBV, Maybe she was having a bad day!
     
    Last edited: May 20, 2022
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