What do you think about this situation? Please advice

I agree with Manaswini.
You never know about the other person until you live with them.She must be perfect women until the DIL enters the house and MIL start getting very possesive and that nature only start developing after the marraige and not before it.

 

Happy:
I would say it is nice he is upfront frank and honest with his expectations in this marriage.
Now, it is your turn to be upfront frank and honest with your expectations after marriage.

Don't try to ignore, dodge and overlook all this in a hurry to get married. The smart thing to do is talk to him again and see how much he weighs all this against your privacy and living independently opinion.

If you guys can find a middle ground then go ahead and get married. If not then according to me you are risking you priorities here. So, give a serious thought and speak to him frankly here.

It is not wrong on his part to think about his mom like that. It is not wrong on your part to get intimidated at this setting. It is each of your priorities and you both can make a great pair only if you could strike a balance somewhere.

Good Luck
:thumbsup

 

Like the others have said, get to know both the mom and the son and figure out if it is acceptable to you to live with both. I do appreciate the guy for being honest and upfront about his mom.

My mom is a single parent, my dad passed away 15 years ago when I was 19 and my brother just 16 years old. She has raised us single-handedly into independent, self-reliant adults, but she still has a hard time "letting go" of my dear brother. For example, last year she was visiting me and my brother fell sick. His wife was there to take care of him, but my mom wanted to fly across the country from California to Virgina to take care of him because "no one knows what her son wants better than his mom." This for a 30 year old married man. Her intentions were good, no doubt, but I don't think it was fair towards his wife. Thankfully, my dear sister-in-law is an understanding person and did not take this personally. But not everyone is like that.

In your case, it is natural for the guy to be attached to his mom, just like my brother is. The real question is can he balance having both his mom and his wife in his life and give due importance to both? This is what you need to figure out. If he thinks that his mom will take precedence no matter what and you are not ok with this arrangement, you should get out of this relationship sooner rather than later. If you think he will be able to completely shut out his mom, well, that will not happen. The key is balance!

You will also need to figure out whether his mom plays mind games or the guilt game. If she does, stay away cause no matter how good his intentions, unless he has the spine to say no to his mom, she will rule the roost come what may. Not saying she is a bad person, but speaking from my own mom's experience, when a person is used to ruling the roost single-handedly, it is hard for them to hand over the reins to someone else, especially the daughter in law. If she is a good person at heart (like my mom), it will be a difficult adjustment but she will learn how to share her son. If she is an insecure mom, well then she will make life hell for the daughter in law. So figure out what kind of person the son and mom are and then make your decisions accordingly.

 

Happy 10 , i would suggest you to talk and clear your doubts with the guy. Just as how he made himself clear and told you that his mom will be there everywhere you go similarly you also talk and tell him about your concerns. If he agrees then you can think about it , if he does not then just tell him frankly what you feel before you come to a conclusion. This way he will know what your thoughts and opinion is. He may be thinking from his point of view where he may feel bad to leave his mom alone while you both go out , but you have to think from your point of view also.If everytime his mom accompanies you both then at some point even if she is the sweetest mil , you might feel irritated and you wont be able to complain also because he had clearly mentioned to you. So please be clear with your preferance and then decide accordingly. Please Dont make a hasty decision . Take your own time.All the best.

 

Happy,

It's good that you went with what your heart desires. Not all men lie and not all men tell the truth so openly. But as time goes by you will be the best judge as to who and what suits you.

Good luck in finding Mr. Right!

 

Hi Happy

I understand that you liked the honesty of the guy and that guy may also be genuine. But you never know how his mom is. You must have read so many forums where dil 's suffer so much because of mil's torture and brainwashing son's mind. So its better to be away from this proposal because this guy clearly mentioned that his mom will be there everywhere.

And dont worry you will surely get a guy who will be honest and give you all that you expected in your life. I wish you all the best for your future. May all your dreams be fullfilled.