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What Can I Do In This Situation?

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by Sweety82, Dec 21, 2021.

  1. Sweety82

    Sweety82 Gold IL'ite

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    I know this person for more than a decade... I feel sad for her bcos her H is unsupportive and she has a miserable life.. I have been supportive to her during her difficult times... She has been my friend all these years.. I helped her a lot and she too has helped me and i like her views.. I wished good for her...

    However, this person has some qualities.

    1. Encourages a lot and if something good happens, she wishes with a good heart as long as others' (including me) happiness is within her circle of limits i.e., She might be in that same happy situation at some point in her life. If there is a happy situation for others (specific people) which she might not have seen or felt, she feels uncomfortable and start talking negative to me... Why?
    2. When i share something good to her, she feels happy. BUT somehow the good event or situation will turn as a failure...I am really confused whether it is me who has become so superstitious or Is it her who thinks otherwise in her heart... I feel i am so stupid to think like that, but it has happened for all my positive events which turned down when i share with her. When i dont share with her, it becomes a success.. OMG! How am i so stupid? But it just happens like that like a programmed thing... Maybe a coincidence....
    And she used to say 'When someone (yes her H especially) hurt her by comparing her with others, she will feel bad.. This feeling has resulted in happening bad events to her H's family.. What can i say in this situation? Then she will also say "Bad things happened to them...i should not have thought like that".

    3. This has created a deep fear inside me to share good things with her though i didnt hurt her in any ways... Recently one incident happened.. With my continued effort, i got something positive....This i didnt inform anyone but somehow it reached everyone in my friends circle through a senior guide... This person was not there at that time, and i didnt think in that sense...I moved on. Suddenly she called me and even in that time, nothing striked me. I was as usual talking to her... She then enquired about the positive event which happened in my life and told me that she felt broken and very sad because i didnt inform her.. I told her that i didnt start to inform anyone but the senior guide informed and not me.. She then said, how can i didnt inform her and how come except her, everyone knows about it and she said she felt bad on me the whole day... This intensified my fear on her and somehow managed and consoled her. After this conversation, i maintained distance but she keeps calling that she cares for me a lot...
    Whenever she calls me she will ask 'How are you'
    When i say "Going somewhat OK (I am a human being and i will be having problems too) "
    she will say "See you are doing good only, then why are you saying somewhat OK"..
    I am just stuck with her and i am afraid of her words... Even if i maintain distance, she keeps digging me and telling that i am her true friend. On one side, this was true, as we moved a lot. But i have a lot of inconveniences with her due to her thought process and i adjusted with her all these years and she is good on the other side.

    My family members are saying 'Pls do not share anything with her if you feel it is affecting you in your life'

    Friends, though i really want to share with her but i am very scared of her on the other side...I have no bad intention towards her....

    Will it be good if i maintain distance? Some people are saying 'If she is a true friend, she should be happy about your growth and success.. Why is she getting upset upon hearing your positives? ......

    Friends, what can i do in this situation?

    ANY ADVICE IS WELCOME
     
    Last edited: Dec 21, 2021
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  2. chanchitra

    chanchitra Platinum IL'ite

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    Maintain distance for some months.
    It will give you peace. See how your life goes
     
    Sweety82 and anika987 like this.
  3. Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Platinum IL'ite

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    @Sweety82
    Friends are the family we choose.
    I made this list for myself and my child.

    When to end a friendship or any relationship:
    1. Betray your trust
    2. You feel they drain you
    3. Enable each other's bad habits
    4. They aren't there when you need them
    5. You barely have anything to talk
    6. You are holding each other back
    7. You do all emotional work
    8. They don't value your time and effort. 9.Make plans without you knowing but include when the need arises.
    10. They resent your growth.
    11. They pressure you.
    Do the yes/no, I see from your post it's mostly yes.
    I'm an empath so have to make a check list before trusting anyone. It's hard initially as you see many good people even strangers make you smile. Build the friendship with you and around you.
    Years of friendship isn't the key how much friendliness is there??
    Cut toxic people out they drain and derail your life imo.
    Cutting ties with a friend of years may not be easy ,some are not good for person we are trying to become.
    Gradually creating a distance with a friend is a good way to start.
    Don't believe in jinx but negative people do exist.
    When Lord Krishna visited Duriyodhna, he wasn't happy to see Lord. Such people exist
     
    Sweety82, indubalram and chanchitra like this.
  4. Sweety82

    Sweety82 Gold IL'ite

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    Thank you @chanchitra .. I just did for the last month. She has been calling and i dont attend all her calls. Sometimes, i skip. I cant do anything other than this... this gives me a little peace of mind as you said.....
     
  5. Sweety82

    Sweety82 Gold IL'ite

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    Thank you so much @Vedhavalli ... Your response helped me... A big relief after reading your response. Bcos the points are deftly applicable.. Making a note.. However i am struggling to cut all of a sudden as she enquires about me in my circle whether i am calling any other person other than her... Its just i am heavily stuck and i didnt really expect this from her.. I am gradually cutting her but deftly not with bad intention but couldnt come out of her so easily .. Also i have decided to be careful before choosing people in future....

    I am also emotionally tired...
     
    Vedhavalli likes this.

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