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What Can I Do? Advice Needed

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by SGBV, Apr 5, 2021.

  1. Hopikrishnan

    Hopikrishnan Platinum IL'ite

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    All going in the right direction...

    In India converting to Christianity would still require many converts to be in a de facto original caste/community, because the government mandated reservation policies for opportunities in professional education and government jobs would force them to stick to it. AFAIK, there is no caste/community based reservations in Srilanka, and would make it easy to convert to whatever religion one wants. Good deal.

    One could google for this Paper: Caste Discrimination and Social Justice in Sri Lanka: An Overview by Kalinga Tudor Silva, P.P. Sivapragasam, and Paramsothy Thanges
     
  2. nandinimithun

    nandinimithun IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear @SGBV

    I dont know what to say, but i understand ylu are going through a lot of emotional and mental turmoil......
    Sending you a big tight hug and praying things turn out positive, peaceful and happy for you.....
    I have been reading all your posts, may god give you the strength to move forward....

    Loads of love and hugs
    Nandini
     
  3. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    :hello:I empathise and pray for much needed change in behaviour of spouse. Best of luck in the counciling and yet you make guarded moves and do not rely too much in positive changes . It can not happen overnight . Why can't you shift with DH get relocated through UN assistance. This would prevent access to DH by those who poisoned his mind against you.

    I just remembered only a month before you described quality time with DH.

    Regards
     
    Last edited: Apr 9, 2021
  4. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    This was that statement I referred to in #23.
     
  5. lavani

    lavani Platinum IL'ite

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    you are trying very hard to control your outside world. sorry it does not work like that. people change only when they want to.

    may be you need counselling too
    how to focus on your happiness even if the people around you are negative and start doing things alone. i am not saying separation, but things like self love and whatever helps you. again perspective, just think about it.

    i feel you are getting trauma bonded and ruminating ( sorry those words :) , look high 5) . but i saw in some videos about the effect on people (empaths) who live long with unstable people. it shows in your long analysis of your spouse mind.
     
    drdiva likes this.
  6. Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Platinum IL'ite

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    I would suggest only counseling will help. Seeing therapist regularly would improve situations
    Ask him to get a job or do free lancing from home. Start any new small business where his skill sets would be put in use, he will be working parter you would be financial partner.
    Imo keep your money jewels properties every penny on your name, start a trust fund account on your kids name, write a will on your kids names, make them nominees. Till then have your close friend or a trusted family member as guardian nominee.

    He is vulnerable it's understandable how manipulative parents and relatives can get.
    Just to oppose dil they destroy thier son's marriage. Later at 40 yrs they search brides for thier divorcee son, soon son will realize his mistakes when it's too late.

    Pls step up. Don't loose your guard.protect kids
     
    Hopikrishnan likes this.
  7. Hopikrishnan

    Hopikrishnan Platinum IL'ite

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    Reading that, I felt sorry for the guy. It is OK in a women's forum to go wild with empathy and so forth; but the poor man is a kept-guy. No money, too old for much of anything really:pensive:, and now some of us are recommending he be cast out with no access to the family wealth and affections.
    Sad...sad ... all around. Almost calls for a remake of Les Miserables with a new story line. The OP is a francophone, and could write the screenplay herself.
     
    Strong1001 likes this.
  8. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    Does anything prevent said “poor man” from seeking suitable employment and contributing to the family income?
     
  9. drdiva

    drdiva Silver IL'ite

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    So true..Its not that simple to change people..Just adjust yourself and pray for them. Yes counselling can help but still the person has to b willing to take counselling and change.
     
  10. drdiva

    drdiva Silver IL'ite

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    Sorry which wealth and affections are u talking about which he kicked himself by following others. Misunderstanding his own wife and imagine the plight of the wife..earning , taking care of children and dealing with the negative people around..Its like a hurdle race ..u move 2 steps ahead and u will b pushed backwards.
     
    chanchitra likes this.

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