What are your Views on Opposite Gender Friendships Post Marriage?

Hi Namesteindia,
I second your thoughts..I don't raise red flags against friendship with opposite gender at the same time one should draw dexterous circumference...Getting too personal I mean sharing personals with anyone for that matter be it male or female definitely has it adverse effects..to a certain point sharing your problem with female friends is considerable..
in my case I have limited friends( both boys and girls) but my husband is the only best friend whom I share and prefer to discuss anything..be it any problem, be it any advice, be it any decision or be it any likes and dislikes..it goes on..

 

I believe in healthy boundaries. I maintain my friendship with either sex but my husband knows my friends. I don't have any friends that compromise my marriage in any way and I never ever bring any third person into our marriage- meaning never discuss any problems (no matter how minor) related to my marriage with friends of either sex or even my family.

I believe if either party does things like having real or virtual friends without knowledge of their spouse or do anything that their partner does not like it is deception and would cause irreparable damage to the relationship.

 

True. With same gender you can share personal stuff too, it would not be a question at all. But when it comes to opposite gender, draw a line. I did it and my friends were good enough to understand that.

Infact, any spouse would appreciate that if they know that he/she is the only closest friend for you in the opposite gender. That applies to me too! I would not call this "possessiveness", but because we are very much human!

 

My Dh and I met in college and we have a lot of mutual friends. I have a close circle of friends and my husband is great friends with all of them. I don't think one should disconnect friendships with the opposite sex just because one is married. As long as you have boundaries, make them known to your friends, and maintain healthy relationships within these boundaries, it should be fine.

 

Technically speaking, a friendship is also a relationship. I personally classify people into 5 categories. Acquaintances, Colleagues, Relatives, Neighbors and Friends. There is a possible overlap in any / all of these categories, but the larger portion defines the nature of relationship.

There is a larger issue that needs to be addressed here. I write this from my personal association with Sunanda Pushkar and the public life she lived. And the way she was exploited by a very clever man.

It is important to have friends in life, irrespective of their gender. While our vanity demands adulation and admiration from our circle of friends (and strangers), there is often a very fine line that separates most men from being chivalrous to being promiscuous. As a woman, one should develop the skill to identify such traits. The extent to which we can get personal should entirely depend on the person. The ground rule here is not to expose our vulnerabilities that could be potentially exploited.

I share my views with a few men and ask for their opinions, sometimes to even evaluate the decision taken or the approach adopted by my husband. But passing judgment could be too harsh. We have converted our wants into needs.

Facebook (The want to stay connected), Twitter (The want to have an opinion), Linkedin (The want to be recommended / endorsed) and have dropped our guard in the process of such a vicarious existence. This is probably the larger malaise that we need to avoid.

Therefore, in my opinion, it is not about drawing the line, it is about being able to evaluate a friend's real motivation in contributing to the relationship. And it is also about exercising restraint in the use of social media.

 

Regarding Tharoor and co:

Beats me. They are quite liberal people who are 'broad minded' by default, yet they do mess up their lives with triangles.

Add to that, injury marks on the body, drug(access) and overdose, staying in same hotel but in different rooms, Tharoor getting hospitalized, Media's hushed silence in talking about things....

 

I have some male friends whom I have known since I was 3 -4 years old. When my husband and I had our first meeting, I told him I had a couple of very good male friends, and if it would be an issue for him if I continued corresponding to them. He was fine with it as I am fine with him and his rare female friend. I did make sure that every time I talked or e-mailed either one of them I would let my husband know and also tell him the whole conversation. But ofcourse, I NEVER discussed personal stuff with them. What helped was that my parents could vouch for the friendships too.

But as far as personal topics...I never discuss with anybody. Even with my parents.