What Are Some Questions Which Involves “crossing Boundaries” ?

So true. I have friends who have kids in the same grade as my son. I do not even ask these questions to my son. he manages things by himself and have told him to let me know if he needs any help in signing up for courses or anything. kind off let him gear his own ship. only thing we said is it has to be instate college.

But these colleagues of mine keep asking all the above questions..I have told them that I dont know several times..yet they keep asking time and again..at one point they call and say give it to your son no point in asking you.... my son had to be nice and answer their questions..

 

Totally relatable. In my case I was the one who was trained by the dad and son ..I didn't feel it was necessary to hold information, but with all the research and hardwork going into it, it seems fair until you secure your place before helping others. Now I just dont hand over the phone to him.

 

I have been asked many of the questions shared here.
When I was in India and working,
- when are you planning for kids?
- why don't you go to abroad and earn some money. The same group of people is asking me, why are you still in US& no plans of coming back?
- what's your salary?
- I hate people when they talk or ask about caste or religious stuff. Ours is an inter caste marriage and many ask indirect/direct questions to know more about it.

Questions which are annoying me in the recent times are, why you have only child?
Not planning for second one?
What do you do after kids goes to school and husband to work?
We are busy with 2 kids and occupied. You are lucky and enjoying with one kid. This Starr was literally told by my nanny friends (close) and neighbors.
What are the classes kid's going to? And you have single child, you can put him in more classes (which I didn't though) and we cannot do that as we have 2 kids.
Why the kid is not talking Tamil? Why can't you talk and train him? What do you do? This question is from everyone. Family, extended family and friends. I have to tell them Everytime that my kid had some speech problem in the early stages and we had to do therapy. So we had to stick to one language which is English to make his therapy easier. I don't want to explain this to everyone in front of kid. But they ask in front of the kid. He is normal and talking well, but I sometimes hate to explain this in front of him. Now he himself started explaining when people ask me that question.
They don't understand that we will also love and waiting to hear if kids speak our mother language. It's just a matter of time and everyone's situation is different.

I don't know what to answer if they ask about the second child. We have our own answers and struggles which we can't explain to everyone. I am the person who won't or never ask any questions like this to anyone. Never done this before to be honest. I am getting hurt if they ask in a bossy way and it always make me to think if my family is not fulfilled.

I just bounce back from that thought, but it still hurts sometimes.
We can't change the people mind or thoughts, we can avoid and move on.

It turns out to be vent post. Sorry about that.
Anika, thanks for asking this. I just feel like ease and relax after writing this

 

When my second kid was also a girl I was asked by many ppl (Thankfully my inlaws and husband are rare gems) will you try for third kid it might be a boy. I told them immediately gender isn't a pbm, number is a priority. I wanted two. Thankfully God gave me two.

You have two kids so you should buy 2 houses. When are you going to buy a second house? What sort of logic is this?( my reply so should I stand on the streets giving two houses to kids ? Rather I will give them good education)

My feet are generally broad. So unisex chappal would only suit me sometimes I have also customized slippers. For this I was asked why don't you wear heels? I pity you can't wear those. I told them I am happy with this feet I am sporty and able to do all activities why should I bother about not able to wear heels.

I have grey hairs .Personally I don't like to dye my hair it's my choice. Everybody asks me about it and they keep suggesting good methods for colouring. No point explaining to them .Some people can't take the fact we are happy the way we are and so constantly tell something or the other about looks.

There are many more like this. Sometimes I really feel why are ppl like this. I don't judge ppl with their looks or behaviour I mean I don't judge anybody so I feel weird if ppl are like this.
.

 

Over the years the questions change - the intention remains the same - idle curiosity and spot judgement
When studying - why engineering/why not medical - you got a free seat?
why are you working in India ?
why did you go abroad?
why did you return to India?
why are you not married yet? why no kids? why no 2nd kid?
why are you not working? why have you started working?
why did you make this type of dosa/bread? why do you use this oil?
why did you switch off the milk so early?
why this school for your kid?
why didn't you wear a new saree on your birthday/ anniversary/diwali?
why do you learn music? why did you stop your music classes?
Why are you eating this? why are you not eating this?
why no sugar in coffee?
why have you started working again?
...... endless questions ...

currently it is - why are you sending your son away? How will you live without him?
The college on the next street is equally good, why do you have to send him a few 100 kms away ?? Then the same person will turn back and ask, but why didn't you send him abroad?

Life goes on!!

I think ONE of the most "boundary ke us paar" question was -
When my son was 3-4 months old, he got some spot under his eye and I took him to the doctor - One random aunty comes to me and says - "Hey did you even notice - he has a spot under his eye"
- I wanted to say - "Yes, you see him for a split second and notice it... I'm watching him closely 24 hours, I'm not blind !"

The other question was "What's your husband's shirt size" - Just because I didn't want to answer such a personal question I replied I don't know!

The response was boundary paar - "You don't know your husband's shirt size? How come? You must have surely washed his shirts? You never noticed? Oh you don't care about your husband? You don't love him?"

I wanted to respond - You don't have to WASH shirts to know your own husband's shirt size! There are other ways of showing you love him but of course, I didn't want to get into THAT discussion, so I gently changed the topic!

Keep smiling!
HR

 

One of the most shocking "Across boundary" question that I remember :

When my son was in 6th std, a 6-year old girl in another school that borders his school was molested by a staff. The entire local community was shocked - little kids were asking questions like "what is rape" - that was the time I met up with a few friends, created a questionnaire for kids to have open communication about good/bad touch, I had even created a website about it. I went to schools with this content, got it whetted by the counsellors and conducted awareness workshops!! I even went to the Childline director and spoke to him about how they responded so that I could give genuine info to the kids.

One mother (PhD + working woman) who had 2 little girls (5 & 8) asked me - "Why are YOU so bothered about this? Tumhara to beta hi hai na!( You have a son only)" - I don't think I have ever been asked a MORE outrageous/ blindly ignorant/ stupid question - I was so shocked and disgusted, I just spluttered in response!