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What Are Some Questions Which Involves “crossing Boundaries” ?

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by anika987, Jan 28, 2022.

  1. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    Sometimes people interfere or ask questions which makes the others uncomfortable. They intentionally or unintentionally do it.What are the questions which you never want people to ask? Sometimes even we would have asked those questions unintentionally.Let’s be aware and make others aware.

    Questions which I personally find it intruding..

    1) When I was working, people have bluntly asked me my salary.I hate that!! My finances are not others problem.It is crossing a boundary.Whether we live abroad or in India, people should know.

    2) I am a homemaker now and people including relatives ask that question “What do u do at home all day”.It’s really not anybody’s business and it’s between the wife and the spouse as to why they want this.Once a restaurant owner in the pretext of being friendly went overboard and kept asking questions about it.It was unnecessary .I quit coz I was in treatment and was into high stress during that time and I don’t want to go back anytime coz I like being at home.Yes,there are women who genuinely enjoy being home and in their own space not coz they are incompetent but they like being home.


    3) My friend is a divorce and she does keep getting asked questions as to why she did not get married yet and what happened etc etc.If people want to say,they will.


    4) My friend was asked why she stopped breast feeding and was condemned for getting back to workforce.Her financial troubles did not allow her to be with the baby.People really need to refrain getting too personal.

    5) why you don’t have kids yet ? (Especially to older couples)That is hurtful.Some cannot conceive or some do not want kids.It’s their choice.Then people give advice without asking.Some maybe genuine but it is better to avoid opinions without being asked.



    The above questions are the ones which makes me and many I interact with uncomfortable.


    What are yours? Let’s understand so that we do not unintentionally hurt others even out of curiosity or trying to be helpful.Just to be aware..
     
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  2. Caide

    Caide IL Hall of Fame

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    @anika987

    That's a great thread

    The questions I hate to hear:

    1. As you said ofcourse I hate when people ask me about pregnancy. And these are related to it.

    A. Did you get your cycle this month?
    B. When you gonna give treat?
    C. When you gonna give us good news?
    D. Why are you gaining weight?
    E. Are you planning for later pregnancy?
    F. Did you try this month?
    G. What about exercise?
    H. Are you taking this? that? May I suggest?
    I. Have you heard of this medicine? Have you heard of this doctor?
    J. Don't feel that you had a termination. And did you really resign because of that??

    And lot more and their own answers or their own justification for answers which I should have given

    2. Really hurtful stupid questions :

    A. During working days, upon returning home while on call
    Why did you cut the call, does your husband scold you or he doesn't prefer you talking with us?? (Still it remains the same even after giving justifiable answer - tiredness)

    Why to work so sincere and be cautious?? ( Who will give money, if i made any mistake)

    Oh production issue?? Who contacted you to test it? Let the manager come. :BangHead::BangHead:


    B. After resignation,

    what did you cook for him today? You have to do all chores from now on. Anyways you have a good husband.

    Why to care? There is no financial problem, even if you have your in-laws will help. :BangHead::BangHead: ( seriously??)

    Why to get a degree when you want to sit at home?? All face same situation it's not like everything bad happens to you? Will you give healthy birth by being at home?? :grinning-smiley-048:

    3. What is your category?

    My biggest top rated hatred questions
     
  3. brahan

    brahan Platinum IL'ite

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    1. At work,Why are you taking leave? I need to inform my absence and why am taking is NOT any one's problem

    2. Whats your kids marks? None of anyone's business

    3. Why does your hair look frizzy? Mine is frizzy wavy hair and I love it that way..I dont need to explain why " I love frizzy hair" and Why I dont mind having one
     
  4. Caide

    Caide IL Hall of Fame

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    So true the thing about leave.

    And about hair :beer-toast1:
     
    anika987 likes this.
  5. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Nice thread, Anika. From my experience as both the asker :facepalm: and the asked :rolleyes: I have compiled a list of questions one should never ask a high schooler's parent:
    1. What AP classes is your kid taking?
    2. What is she doing in the summer?
    3. Will she write the SAT?
    4. Did she write the SAT?
    5. Will she take the SAT again?
    6. Is she happy with her SAT score?
    7. What colleges is he applying to?
    8. Are you planning to visit any colleges?
    9. Which colleges have you visited?
    10. Has he heard from any colleges yet?
    11. Did he apply early decision anywhere?
    12. Is she applying to "insert name here" summer camp?
    13. What extracurriculars is he doing?
    14. Are you hiring a college admissions counselor?
    Don't ask these questions to the teenager either. It annoys the kids when desi aunty/ uncle ask such questions at parties.

    It is quite natural for parents with younger kids to be curious about these things and eager to learn more about the high school years and college admissions stuff. Just don't ask these questions to someone currently going through it.

    When the kid and the family are done with the college admission process and finalized the college choice, then, they are more than happy to share their experience and knowledge with others.
     
    ramyanand, candidheart and anika987 like this.
  6. Mehana

    Mehana Platinum IL'ite

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    Very good thread..

    When I was working full time:
    1. Who will take care of your little kid
    2. Do you cook food at home or will buy from restaurant
    3. How much you earn
    4. Your SIL earn more than you or you earn more than her
    5. Why your kid is so thin, is he eating

    Now I moved to part time:
    1. Do you guys go for vacation since you moved to part time
    2. Do you guys eat outside or everyday you have to cook since you moved to part time

    I am in USA :
    1. Some relatives will ask me, since you are away and no help , I don't know how you guys manage when get sick
    2. Some other from India, do your kids know Tamil? Why can't you teach them
    3. Why your kids look thin, are you cooking everyday
    4. You have more time but you always say busy

    Friends here;:
    1. What you do ...do you work or at home
    2. What activities your kids are up to
    3. What level of reading
    4. Do you buy organic food
    5. Do you hire cleaners or you clean yourself
    6. Planning to move to bigger house
     
    anika987 likes this.
  7. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    1) Random aunties badgering me about why we were not hurrying up and having kids: I felt throwing all my fertility clinic reports in their face after the third time. I still hold grudges against certain parties for this.

    2) After I had a child: why are you putting her in daycare? Why don’t you hire a nanny? Why don’t you call your mom to look after the kid? Endlessly.

    3) The eternal salary questions. One persistent character even asked what my brothers salary was: she had never even met him. I sent her his WhatsApp and invited her to ask directly.
     
    anika987 likes this.
  8. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    Seriously! It is annoying when people ask those questions.

    It’s not like people are going to stand on streets if they do not work.That’s why we have an education.Plus very basic jobs anyone can get anytime and one need not have an Ivy League degree.The contentment to live within your means is enough.Plus a smart woman would have saved money.My mom is a widow with no education and she raised us well and today she is being asked for advise for banking and insurance etc. that is another stereotype that everyone will be a disaster.No one size fits all!! Each ones situation is different.


    Even the kids things..same thing happened to me.Being abroad it’s is better but interestingly one young lady asked me that I just drive my car from one shop to other and do nothing since I don’t have kids?? I mean like..it got me furious and her cousin( my good friend) told me that lady is mad and even the family avoids her.
     
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  9. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    Very good question especially point no 2..

    It is another annoying thing of kids are compared.
     
  10. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    Excellent Rihanna! My kid is still in elementary but I will keep these in mind.Especially to teenagers .Didn’t know these
     

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