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Weird problem

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by needCBT, Nov 9, 2015.

  1. sarah123

    sarah123 Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi needCBT,

    urs is a very sensitive issue. I have faced this situation as soon as my wedding completeddoh1.
    I can estimate ur fear levels as u have mentioned as "sick" mil. U feel that she might ask word from u.
    wat I can suggest is , when they raise this issue u gently ask ur mil whether u were picked by her to get married to his son or didn't he reject any other girls, their parents showed to him before? And your sil, did she married the first boy her mother picked for her? Surely not. So, just say that how can u give the word on behalf of ur girl and don't ewant to encourage in the view of future of both ur daughter and ur sil son.
     
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  2. Rihana

    Rihana IL Hall of Fame

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    OP,

    Them encouraging the little boy to call her xyz wifey is crazy. Try to counter such craziness with humor or sarcasm or anything but a direct answer or an appeal to their better senses.

    How about you airily say that most likely your daughter will pick her suitor from a Swayamvar?

    if they persist in these nonsense comments via Skype, you could try a little scare tactics:

    "Skype calls are recorded by GoI etc. Child marriage is illegal. Even finalizing an alliance is illegal. Such comments can be taken as encouraging or forcing a girl into marriage. <pause> <in a whisper> Did you hear about the case filed by Santa Devi Meghwal! < while the wheels begin to spin in their heads.. > In a land of false IPC 498a cases, better to be careful with any comments over international phone calls."
     
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  3. Gauri03

    Gauri03 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Well cousin marriages are illegal in a majority of US states. Your kid being a US citizen might face issues there. Also you could simply go all technical on them and say that while these practices had their utility in the past, they don't make sense anymore given what we know about the genetic risks.
     
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  4. msindu

    msindu Bronze IL'ite

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    us has no say if marriage is in india
     
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  5. kcb

    kcb IL Hall of Fame

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    I do agree that it's really irritating when someone talks like this, especially when you do not have a cordial relation with them. But your MIL & SIL are not going to change, your dh opposed them already, but still they are going on with their talks. Do you think they will listen to you if you ask them to stop their nonsense? they knew that you doesn't like their idea, that's why they are still continuing talking like this, may be to irritate you. It's better to ignore them instead of getting into arguments or fights. Who knows what's going to happen in future. For the time being enjoy your motherhood.
     
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  6. Ragini25

    Ragini25 Platinum IL'ite

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    ^ kcb is right. Thats the reason to "one ear in, another ear out". The more you try to nip it, the more they will do it. They know it irritates, and they are doing it for that reason.
     
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  7. tashidelek2002

    tashidelek2002 IL Hall of Fame

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    Marrying first cousins is also a crime in US. Foreign marriages of first cousins that come here are not prosecuted but there is a stigma since this is not a practice here.
     
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  8. sunshine1970

    sunshine1970 Gold IL'ite

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    Do they realize this is incest? You should mention that angle to them. Sorry from the western world can't understand cousins marrying each other.
     
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  9. CrayoNess

    CrayoNess Platinum IL'ite

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    Cousin marriage is not a crime in the US but many states do not allow marriages between first cousins. In other western countries it is legal but very rare.

    There is a little bit higher risk for genetic problems for children born in cousin marriages.

    When OPs daughter is a grown up she will choose her spouse and the chance she would select her cousin as spouse is vaery minimal.
     
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  10. Ragini25

    Ragini25 Platinum IL'ite

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    sunshine, this incest was considered normal practice in some parts of india for many many years, and kinda changing for the good in last few decades.
     
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