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Weird behavior between my husband and his mother

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Shrirupa, Jan 2, 2013.

  1. Shrirupa

    Shrirupa New IL'ite

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    Hello all,

    I just want to share a small problem that I am facing after marriage.

    I got married in May 2011. I was living with my husband and mother in law (who lost her husband 5 years ago) in a one room-kitchen flat, as my husband was facing some problem. Now me and my husband live separately in a rented flat.

    My husband loves me a lot. He is not a complete mamma's boy, but after marriage he used to do some indecent things with my MIL, like kissing on her cheek. I talked to him I have never seen such behavior in my society. So I talked to my husband about this, and after that he stopped behaving indecently.

    But my DH and MIL have a very weird type of habit. Everyday my DH leaves my MIL's house for long time (even when he goes to his office), my MIL runs to the window like a newly married bride. (She used to do this even in front of me, when I was newly married, not realizing how indecent it looks.) Then when my DH reaches the road, he turns back, he looks at the window (at 5th floor of a big building) where my MIL is waiting for him, and then they wave hand (like saying goodbye) to each other.

    I used to be very angry with my husband. If I would have seen my mother and my brother behaving like this, I would have felt same way, just that the issue of possessiveness wouldn't have come. But I really feel what they do is indecent and childish. I also talked to my DH about this, but he just ignores and tells me that even I am not perfect, and I should focus on other things. And that this is only possessiveness and female mentality that I take such minor thing so seriously. But I talk to my married friends, and they also felt this is weird.

    I don't understand how to look at this mother-son relationship. Because I think even kids more than primary school age would not behave like this with their moms, and their moms also would feel it cheap. I am unable to keep such things out of my mind and focus on other things. This issue is indirectly affecting my marital relationship.

    Please guide me on this issue, I really need some help. Shall I visit some marriage counselor? Or if it is minor issue, how should I look at it?

    Thanks!!!
     
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  2. veeramachaneni

    veeramachaneni Platinum IL'ite

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    Yes get yourself checked in a mental clinic. There is nothing wrong in waving to her son. Why do you have to control each and everything. People like you make me sick.
     
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  3. hrastro

    hrastro Platinum IL'ite

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    Unless this is the tip of the iceberg, and you have more serious issues that this, your DH is right, you better focus on other things

    Kissing on the cheek and waving to each other is NOT indecent !!!

     
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  4. indianguy2010

    indianguy2010 IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi Srirupa,

    I feel kissing on cheeks or forehead is an expression of non-sexual love. I have seen many adult sons being kissed ontheir cheeks / foreheads by their old mothers. I do not think it is wierd.

    Second, waving 'bye' by hand gesture to the mother by her adult son through windows, is also an expression of affection. I have seen several adult men doing it to their old moms as well as dads.

    I do not understand why it sounds cheap to you.

    I regret to say that your wifely possessiveness is driving your mind to think an innocuous gesture as a wierd one.

    I, rather, see your thinking as wierd....of course predictably wierd. Any wife in your situation would react in the same way you reacted to it.

    I am sorry if I offend you. But the above is the reality as I see. I do not know I may be wrong because I am seeing the situation from a husband's perspective. No man can ever tolerate your cheap thinking. If I am your husband, I will feel you and see you as a disgusting woman. I really feel sorry for your husband..!! Poor chap, you are definitely going to make his life a hell with your cheap thinking.

    Some women here may identify with your feelings and may even justify what you feel is right. But I would go on record to say that your mind is being poisoned by two monsters, one jealosy and the other, possessiveness. Sorry, again.
     
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  5. Endlesshope

    Endlesshope Platinum IL'ite

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    Really??? You think kissing ones mom on cheek is indecent and waving good bye is cheap :bonk
    Sorry to say but you have a very very dirty mind.

    Please do go through some of the posts here about sleeping on the same bed and etc to understand what exactly is indecent.
     
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  6. subha2705

    subha2705 Silver IL'ite

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    Same thing will happen between my mother-in-law and my Husband. But, I did not take much serious about these issue.

    I feel like, How we given kiss to our mother and father ,when we are in child hood.

    From your point of view , your husband is grown up. Child always child to mother ,Even they grow up.

    Most of the people will change the attitude, once they grow up. But, Some people will continue the same thing, Even they grown up. It doesn't mean that childdish attitude.

    Moreover, your mother-in-law lost her husband. May be your husband doing all these things. She should not feel alone .

    Please take it in a Positive way.
     
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  7. luckwaves

    luckwaves Platinum IL'ite

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    Dear shrirupa,

    I too don't feel kissing on cheeks or waving hand as indecent dear .. May be you are little possessive on your husband or something else running around and you have pointed some minor issue here...

    I am pretty sure that girls are fathers pet.. I am sure that you will be behaving in the same way with your dad .. If that is not wrong then obviously this is not wrong too.

    Better don't complicate this issue till your husband loves you ,take care of you and support you when required.

    Happy new year ...
     
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  8. lukywife

    lukywife Gold IL'ite

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    You made a big mistake by posting this here..Now many will gang up against you..Dont post anything against MIL here..You will feel guilt at the end. So enjoy your day..Ignore some silly behaviours.
     
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  9. kuttettan

    kuttettan Silver IL'ite

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    Uh ho...When I read the title I thought your DH might have hit your MIL:bonk

    There is nothing wrong in here lady. Appreciate that love b/w the son-mom duo. Its a wonderful thing!
     
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  10. Visasri

    Visasri Platinum IL'ite

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    May be your mom and dad werent close enough to you or the way you were brought up was totally different. But please do not make it a reason to call things like these cheap and wrong. My mom does this for my bro and my MIL to my DH. Whats wrong in this?+ Post Reply
     
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