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Wedding Gifts

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by Kamalji, Jan 6, 2015.

  1. Kamalji

    Kamalji IL Hall of Fame

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    Wedding Gifts


    Yesterday, Times of India, has this class article as under

    No gifts please, just be present - The Times of India

    please read it, damn good one.

    Remember the old days, when u opened the gifts and u found that u had received 10 wall clocks, EPNS tea set ( duplicate silver is called EPNS), and bedsheets, and other useless things and u did not know what to do with them. And u know , the couples getting married, had walk clocks or steel glasses made with their names and date of marriage embossed on the items , given to select close relatives and friends.


    Then came the empty envelopes, and torn notes, the ones that are real bad, some put in the envelopes, not realzing that the receiver will know who put it.


    So the olden system was good where u had the girls side and the boys side guys sitting with a register, and u had to say yr name, and give the money. So u could not give a fake note, for he would see it in thelight, nor a torn one, for he would glare at u, so all was good.



    During my first daughters wedding, I was adamant not to take any money, but my dear mother said, all yr life u have given , now is the time to take. I told her, listen, I don’t want to take, and if the boys side feels shortchanged, I will give a cheque of a lakh or two , in lieu of the envelopes not taken, it being fair. Well she did not agree, and I had to take.


    What my mom did not realize was this. I used to give whatever came to my mind then. So suppose if I attended 2 weddings in A’s house, I gave say 501/- in the first one, and maybe gave 251 in the second, not remembering what I gave in the first one. I wanted to cut off this thing for myself. If I don’t take, I wont have to bring in future, and remember who gave what. And look what happened. I had to spend one whole day, counting notes, noting down who gave what, and I can tell u, it was just not worth it.And what we got , we gave the cash to the girls side, as is the custom, and the burden of repaying came on us.


    Now began my problems, previously I used to give what I wanted, now I had to be careful and give equal or more to the chap who had given. A few months later , one of my friends daughter got married, and I lost the list.


    I called my friend , and asked huim how much he gave during my daughters times, so I could returm the same to hi daughter, I know it was crude, but there was no other way out. He laughed and said, kamal it is between friends, give whatever u want.Well I thought hard, how much this fellow could have given me, I though 1000/- and so gave his daughter 1000/- later on I found the list and it seems he had given 2100/-. I was very ashamed, and when his daughter delivered a baby, we went and gave 2000/- to remove the burden from our chest, and squared off.


    A foreigner’s card I saw with an exporter friend of mine. The foreigner was getting married m, he was the client of my friend. So he had written in the card “ BY THE GRACE OF GOD , WE HAVE EVERYTHING, WE HAVE A ROLLS ROYCE, OUR OWN HOUSE, YATCH ETC ETC. PLEASE DON’T GIVE US ANY GIFTS, WHICH WE MAY NOT NEED. IN CASE U WANT TO GIVE , GIVE US CASH, THESE ARE OUR BANK ACCOUNTS IN INDIA, PARIS, NEW YORK ETC ETC.


    And it does look funny, with the grooms father, his jacket stuffed with envelopes which are about to fall down, and very soon u will hear of some THEIVES posing as guests, giving and empty envelopes, hugging the man, and flicking the envelopes from his pocket. And then go and eat also for free eh ! Who knows Hirani will copy this in his new film.


    For my daughter who is to be married this year, I am not accepting any envelopes, I want to be free from all this give and take business once and for all. Nowadays when we are invited for weddings first thing is we now go searching for the list, of what that person gave, and it gives us tension, when we cant find that paper. How cheap it will look if that person gave me 1000 and I by mistake give him 500 eh !


    And I feel , that this giving thing should now stop, it was fine in the olden days, when this money would come in use for the wedding purpose. But today things are different. We don’t do favor by calling people over to eat our expensive plates, no one is hungry for food. But it is they, the friends and relatives who do us a favor to come at our invitations . I know how difficult it is to get ready, the wife goes to parlor, then getting ready , it can be quite a task.


    And don’t we introduce the guests to the Samdhis, as “Meet so and so, he is a garment exporter, meet Y he is so and so, and so on, The guests add luster to our weddings, and the other side is impressed that we know the who is who of town, that we are reputed people ourselves. So all thanks to those who attend our weddings, and bless our children.



    In fact the envelopes can be of a different kind. Say a Nursing home representative goes and gives an envelope to the couple. Inside is an offer for the couple that if they deliver in that particular nursing home,.they will get say 10 percent discount. And the best of all, if twins are born, we will charge for just one delivery instead of two kids. (knowing how rare twins are born). And free disposable 12 nappies, one free baby powder and so on. And the rep can go and eat great food there on the sly. So business promotion at weddings can take place, who knows my idea is copied ina movie script soon.HAHA



    So as we will say in our daughter’s wedding card “ Present yourself, but without presents.

    Another one could be,
    Come without gifts or Cash,
    We will eat and drink, and do Aish!!!


    What say friends !!!!

    Remember please these are my personal views, I am not looking down on those who take envelopes, even I have taken, it is just that I want to be out of this race, and keeping track of who gave what.


    I don’t mean to ruffle any feathers, but yes, I do have the right to say what I believe in, while believing that others may or may not like what I say, but thatis fair, who wants yes men or women around.So would appreciate a good discussion and yr expierences on these matters, I am sure everyone has gone thru these envelopes things at some time or the other.


    HAHA

    KAMAL MAHTANI.


    If you rearrange the letter

    "NARENDRA MODI" ...
    you get

    "RARE DIAMOND"

    If you rearrange the letters
    "SONIA GANDHI" ...
    you get

    "DOSHI NAAGIN"

    Is this just a coincidence...!!!
    
    This has got to be one of the cleverest msgs I've received in a while,

    Someone out there either has too much spare time or is deadly at Scrabble. (Wait till you see the last one!)

    1. DILIP VENGSARKAR
    When you rearrange the letters:
    A SPARKLING DRIVE

    2. PRINCESS DIANA
    When you rearrange the letters:
    END IS A CAR SPIN

    3. MONICA LEWINSKY
    When you rearrange the letters:
    NICE SILKY WOMAN

    4. DORMITORY
    When you rearrange the letters:
    DIRTY ROOM

    5. ASTRONOMER
    When you rearrange the letters:
    MOON STARER

    6. DESPERATION
    When you rearrange the letters:
    A ROPE ENDS IT

    7. THE EYES
    When you rearrange
    THEY SEE

    8. A DECIMAL POINT
    When you rearrange the letters:
    I M A DOT IN PLACE

    AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE


    MOTHER-IN-LAW
    When you rearrange the letters:

    WOMAN HITLER...


    Koi 1 din select karo..

    Sun
    Mon
    Tue
    Wed
    Thu
    Fri
    Sat

    Kar liya…?

    .

    Reply mat karna..

    Bas us din naha liya karo plz

    I know sardi kaafi hai.. Par nahana bhi zaruri hai



    After marriage, the lion asks the lioness, "kya tumhara koi affair tha before our marriage?"

    Lioness replied, "Aapka sawal sun ke ek Sher yaad aaya...."

    Dedicated to all women Everyday wake up in the morning,
    look at your wonderful husband and think...............




    Damn.....he is so lucky to have me in his life !!



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  2. satchitananda

    satchitananda Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Very interesting thoughts Kamalji. Long ago, when I got married, my parents had clearly mentioned "no presents please" on the card. Close family and friends came with gifts and would not take "no" for an answer. When it came to our reception, ILs were not willing to put that clause saying 'it would hurt friends', something I could not understand.

    What is worse is when gifts get recycled and passed on. It has become such a norm, that many folks would not think too much about what they gift, because they know it is going to be passed on and so why bother!

    While I agree that it is best to keep out transactions (cash or kind), I do not somehow agree that we keep tabs and 'return' gifts 1:1. Gifts are gifts. It is the thought behind it that counts, but yes, sad to say, things are so mercenary in our society.

    I was quite taken aback when I found out about this system in the UK where the bride and groom go to a major store and give a list of all the stuff they need. They inform the guests about the store. So the guest can go to the store, check out the list and gift whatever they want from that list. It felt very weird, but now I think it is quite practical and better than gifting something which will get passed on to someone else.

    Loved the word jumbles. Quite uncanny!
     
    1 person likes this.
  3. kelly1966

    kelly1966 Platinum IL'ite

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    Kamalji..
    well each to their own..
    but you know what I feel that no gifting is not nice as close family and friends like to give and I feel really awkward greeting the couple empty handed!!
    Also I love to receive gifts.. but must say sometimes the gifts are not good or useful and I confess many times I do keep them away to be given away!!!
    Also Kamalji I believe in giving what one can afford.. it doesn't bother me if someone gives me 1000s and I give 100s .. it all depends on what I feel like and want to gift.. though my Mom will never agree to that..
    Kerman
     
  4. GoogleGlass

    GoogleGlass IL Hall of Fame

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    Nice one Kamalji, you have made your presence on presents in the present days with pleasant ideas...

    "We welcome your presence with out presents
    And make the great gathering real pleasant"
     
    1 person likes this.
  5. Srama

    Srama IL Hall of Fame

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    Kamalji,

    Weddings or for that matter any function takes a different spin in India. I like the concept of inviting near and dear ones and accepting gracefully what they gift as a blessing for our loved ones would want to give no, just like the way we would love to give to our loved ones. It is only when this gets extended to all the people we know, I think what you say happens .....how much he gave and what should I give kind of things. But then, I can only talk for I am away from all the people in India and limited by only a few people around me.

    This gift giving is a very interesting concept no - my DH almost never allows me to give cash or gift cards. He feels I do not put enough thought in giving a gift that way. I say, if I put enough thought, I end up giving what I think or what I like then. He insists I think about the person and give an appropriate gift! So now, we have reached an understanding - for some one we really know and care about...thoughtful (form their perspective) gifts and for others, most certainly gift cards. Talking of gifts, I still do have a couple of weird looking coffee mugs that I received in my wedding sitting in the showcase in India and talking of wedding gifts, one of my uncles insisted on going to the bank and giving me his big amount in all brand new one rupee notes and it was a substantial amount then, can you guess a weird gift I received for my wedding? Weird then, but not now! I only found that gift some three years back and was surprised and while I now cherish the gift and look at it fondly and smile and even share with others, always making sure it returns back to me while being used at home and making it a point never ever to lend it to be returned later. I really do not know how I would have reacted if I had paid attention to it right after my wedding, but now I love it! I know I kept you guessing but the gift was a book and the book is "Autobiography of a yogi!" I now fondly think of that old man whom I have never met, in the wedding or later and smile :biggrin2:
     
  6. chillbreeze

    chillbreeze Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    As you told, I read the article first and then came to your snippet Kamalji. I too think its too much hassle to keep track of whom gave us what and to reciprocate it. It takes the fun out of gifting. But in my place, they follow this method only. I just go by my heart when I gift to others and in future when I host I am also going to follow no presents policy.
     
  7. Balajee

    Balajee IL Hall of Fame

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    We make it a opoint to give only gift cheques at weddings. Otherwise you don't know what the couple owns. They may end up having a 100 bedsheets, 2000 pillows and innumerable watches and wall clocks that could even enable them to set up a shop.
     
  8. shyamala1234

    shyamala1234 Platinum IL'ite

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    Dear Kamalji,
    Gift is a token of blessings to the couple. But it got commercialized, balancing the amount to how much we have received and abroad it is a store they mention where we have to buy. They are generally expensive shops and not walmart or K Mart. Recently I have seen in a wedding card it is mentioned about a charity Asha (please donate the amount to Asha Charity, we do not need presents).
    Now return gifts have become a big thing. People are on competition how costly they should be. In a 40th birthday party the return gift was an expensive handbag worth 10,000Rs. Crazy!!!! I 1000 Rs. for the cab of , 1000Rs. gift and it has become an expensive thing to attend a wedding.
    Syamala
     
  9. Akanksha1982

    Akanksha1982 IL Hall of Fame

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    Kamalji, Gift giving is always difficult. We don't know if the recipient will like it or not. Will have one or more of the same gift etc. We end up giving gift cards. In a year, we hardly have to attend one or at the most two weddings. But Birthday parties are many of friend's, neighbor's, colleague's children. Children like gifts so we have to buy them and today most children has all the games, toys etc so it is difficult to select.

    On a personal note, i like to receive gifts. I love to open the gift wrap, the suspense, the caring feeling etc.

    Return gifts have become huge. I have heard that there is a website to order return gifts.

    loved the jokes.
     
  10. kkrish

    kkrish IL Hall of Fame

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    Kamalji
    A topic that has been on my mind too.

    I like to give gifts but feel very uncomfortable receiving them. Not sure why.

    So it has always been an internal battle of "to receive or not to receive" gifts.

    Its taken some time but now I tell myself that by accepting a gift wholeheartedly and graciously I make the giver happy. As long as we don't analyze the gift or the intent I think it's ok to give/receive.

    I believe we should not give back the same amount we received from someone. If an office manager gifts a clerks daughter/son a huge amount it would not be possible for the clerk to give the same later.
    My policy is, "I don't have much to give, but I give all that I can.

    Nice to read everyone's opinions.
     

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