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We are not alone!!!!!

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by adara, Jan 6, 2010.

  1. adara

    adara Bronze IL'ite

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    Friends, Too many problems with inlaws and not all have solutions either. There are interfering ones, nosy ones, bad mouthing, ugly temper tantrums, wicked, cunning, and so on an on.......

    Earlier, when I did not have much interaction with people from other countries I assumed that the in laws problem is only limited to our country. But, after coming here when I had a chance to interact with the locals and people from other nationalities, I understand that it is an universal problem.

    There is something in the word in-laws....I guess. MIL,FIL,BIL,SIL all have the first word as someone our own but when joins with the last part it kind of like makes it seem a team of thugs which is so true in so many cases. Our forums get bombarded with these.
    One difference I have noticed is, not many men are like the Indian men, some of whom are typical mama's boys. Yeah, sure I have a co-worker (not Indian) whose hubby is typical mama's boy and I kind of joke with her saying there is odd man out in every case...:)

    But not to worry ladies the DIL/MIL battle is everlasting, universal and never ending one. We are no exceptions here. We have quite a many nations with us in this battle.:biglaugh
    My neighbor (caucasian) is 56 and MIL is 82. The 82 yr old still manages to win in any IL battle.:rotfl
    An ex coworker of mine who is african american has issues with her DIL which she narrates, each and every detail , after she returns from holidays recollecting some from last so many years that it makes me wonder the memory of that lady. She is 61.


    So, chill out! We are not alone!

    Share your thoughts and experiences with people from other countries.

    Adara
     
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  2. Anug

    Anug New IL'ite

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    Yes I agree. I have couple of friends from other nations where our common topic or common pain is IL's issue. But if I see the level of intrudence and level of tolerance is more common among Indian women ie male dominated culture like India, Nigeria.I could sense that the intensity of problem with MIL-DIL is more when we move from west to east via Europe. Its all generic and its from my own experience and nothing to be judgemental.....exceptions are always there....

    Among US women" Level of tolerance is low as well as level of disturbance is low.--------REACTION WISE it is very HIGH.
    Among South America/Europe--------LoT-fair....LoD-fair- Reaction- more than Fair
    Africa-----LoT-high LoD-high....Reaction Wise-Medium
    Asia- LoT- Medium, LoD- Medium- Reaction wise fair.

    This I observed among my circle of office collegues in IT industry. Though we are very open in discussing MIL-DIL relationship in forums like this, but I feel that open discussion among our own personal friends or cousins or relatives is little less, as we feel that FAMILY VALUES should not be judged. Moreover I myself got hurted once in a get-together where a known family lady commented saying that.."Oh MIL is better than yours...she is not like that....." I felt sorry about it....though it is 100% true.

    Let us hear from others about their own experiences.....
     
  3. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

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    I agree that every culture can have bad mil's. But like Anug mentioned, it's the INTENSITY of the mil problems in our culture that makes us unique.
     
  4. advitha

    advitha Silver IL'ite

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    One of my collegues (chinese lady) was literally crying to me about how inlaws badmouthed her when they came here for her delivery. I must say she's one such gem who put up with all their demands and took care of them throughout their stay.

    They even started spoiling her rapport with her own daughter now what more to ask for. They always had tons of items in their never-ending shopping list. Now its been few years but still when they visit them in US they seem to create issues between the couple.

    On the other hand I have some friends whose mother in laws are gems. They hold a great rapport with their DILs, some even pack lunch dubbas for their DILs.

    Extremes always exist in all cases.

    -Uma
     
  5. reshsabu

    reshsabu Gold IL'ite

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    May be this is the case in more conservative,orthodox and male-dominant countries. But, I was under the impression that in countries like US, women would not tolerate that kind of disrespecful behaviour.
     
  6. adara

    adara Bronze IL'ite

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    Thanks to all responses.

    Regarding inlaws yeah, though we stand first when it comes to the intensity but then the tensions caused by low tolerance level in marital relationships especially in American households compensate our inlaws interference tensions.

    I think the world gets balanced that way.........:rotfl

    Someone somewhere is unhappy with some or the other relationship........:hide:

    Adara
     

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