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Ways to irritate In Laws who are irritating u.....

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by rams22, Apr 24, 2013.

  1. confusedwoman

    confusedwoman Silver IL'ite

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    The following:

    1) Describe in great detail color,consistency,smell and daily changes of your babys diaper everyday of their visit especially when in laws are in the middle of husband brainwashing session, move discussion up to lunch or dinner time if needed.

    2)Always sit beside FIL or between FIL and MIL. My Mil doesn't want any woman sitting beside FIL, she will make him go away.So end of brainwashing and plotting sessions.

    3) Talk about vacations ( like the planned europe trip next month) and exciting events (like the show they are attending) your in laws plan to attend, when they are in the middle of saying we are poor,sad, old ,innocent people with no help or support.
     
    yellowmango and yesican like this.
  2. blessings1010

    blessings1010 Gold IL'ite

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    some tips that are working for me.
    1. She loves to cook oily food. I keep very less oil at home. When it finishes, I do not buy new one for days

    2. She likes to keep her bed tidy. We throw our worn clothes, books what not over it

    3. She likes to get up early and cook food. We wake up late

    4. She likes rice. I dont make, especially at night for health reasons

    5. She gives suggestions for makeup, i trash all makeup she buys. And keep a simple look which DH adores

    6. She asks me stuff about technology, i say i dont know

    7. she wants to go out every time we are free, we make plans for studies/ housework/ bank work something or the other

    8. she cooks nonvegetarian food sometimes 3-4 times a week, I make other food before her and serve to everyone at home. Father in law loves my cooking BTW. She gets pissed off royally.

    9. She likes to clean kitchen every night, I do too.but i know that she hates it becasue she loves to cook early morning. So i dont tidy kitchen until late next day morning. and sometimes, cook BF, lunch and leave for work without tidying kitchen

    10. if she wants to cook, i let her and never offer help.
     
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  3. blessings1010

    blessings1010 Gold IL'ite

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    oh and few more ways that have been working for us from last few weeks
    1. IF she annoys me again with same question about why i am doing what i do, I tell her " Its the same reason that I gave you when you asked me the same question yesterday and last week and last month". When she gets furious, I don't even bother to repeat my answer

    2. When we are at home doing our work on weekend, she keeps dropping by or may i say keep watching us every 2-3 hours. So we put a feng shui bell on her door. No more surprises of her unannounced entry in our room

    3. For few days, she tried to act very sweetly with me, with her hidden agenda. That agenda came out very quickly, when I mistakenly put sooji instead of sugar in the tea. Now when if she ever try to talk sweetly with DH, he asks her why is she sweet with him? he also adds that it will not work on him like it did on me. MIL left the room so :rage::rage::rage: usily, I didnt see her face the whole day after that. What a bliss!!

    4. IGNORING is the best way to irritate her. Ignoring like every time she makes rude comments and wants me to react. I try to distract myself with work until :icon_pc: ..and when i get tired of that, i close the door and take a nap. I admit I took way too many naps in last few weeks.

    5. She loves to :argue: over simple things that do not even require any attention. Some times, I just choose to not engage with any conversation with her at all. She keeps waiting for me to respond. IF I have to, sometimes just shrug my shoulders, dont look at her and run downstairs to get some fresh air. At other times, in my mind i :BangHead: ( her head not mine) on an imaginary wall, and then smile. She gets pissed off royally.
     
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  4. Sweety82

    Sweety82 Gold IL'ite

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    Enjoyed reading..had fun really :)
     
  5. Sweety30

    Sweety30 Senior IL'ite

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    Did she give you permission to post online? :p
     
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  6. SeekingMind

    SeekingMind Silver IL'ite

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    I am surprised and also sort of disappointed that woman are sharing ways to irritate MIL. My suggestion... ignore any irrational behavior and stay calm. Don't go for tit for tat kind of attitude. It will make matters worse and ultimately make your life miserable. Just let go foolish overly possesive talk and behavior from the oldies. After all, you are more educated than her, so behave in an educated way too, a little higher and better than her mental level. If all this education is not bringing us that sense of accepting the person as it is and forgiving them for their follies then what for is this education worth? Look for the positive in the person, every one born on this planet has some goodness in him/her, its for you to pick that good in her.

    Every husband knows the other side of his mom and they are embarassed and sometimes feel humiliated too but when he sees you ignoring that side and picking only the positive in her, you cannot imagine how happy and secured he will feel.
     
  7. guesshoo

    guesshoo IL Hall of Fame

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    @SeekingMind that would be a very mature thing to do.

    However a lot of women are putting up with a lot of nonsense. What with many men still attached to their mum's proverbial apron strings. The women haven't been able to take complete control but are trying to do their best within the constraints. While some posts might seem over the top, let's not forget this is a place many women feel safe enough to let loose without being judged.

    Having been repeatedly put through the mill for no fault of mine, I play ils' game and beat them at it. Guess what? Now I have the respect they ought to have given me on the simple basis that I'm a fellow human. My bils' wives who are lovely and respectful are walked all over. Bullies and passive aggressive people don't change easily and being the victim doesn't help. To break the mindset that elders ought to be respected no mater what, even at the risk of your own wellbeing, is hard.

    Let the ladies get their respite here to face another day please.
     
  8. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Easier said than done. Why can't the older,more experienced and supposedly wiser one behave better? How long can one just ignore and adjust?The ignoring and adjusting just validates their behavior and it becomes a habit.
    The fastest way to stop a bully(a lot of the behavior shown by most mils fits into the category of bullying)is to confront the bully. Our elders (most)demand respect but are very reluctant to give it to someone like a dil...without the years of examining and testing (or her patience and sanity).

    As for the silently happy and secure husband.....what a bloody coward to let his wife take the heat and expecting her to take it respectfully.....God forbid anyone other than his wife is hurt.What a price his wife has to pay for his silent happiness and security.
     
  9. SeekingMind

    SeekingMind Silver IL'ite

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    @guesshoo and @yellowmango I have never approved of someone's (MIL in this case) bad behavior. But at the same time I believe that 'tit for tat' only brings more stress and heartaches to the one who adopts that attitude than the bully.
    There are many incidents in families that can simply be ignored and not stressed upon. Some need open discussions and staying firm. And, it takes some level of maturity for a woman to know when to ignore and when to be vocal and stand her ground. You cannot keep your head calm and balanced if you spend all your energy reacting for every foolish act of MIL which can otherwise be ignored.
     
    Last edited: Aug 25, 2016
  10. APS45

    APS45 Silver IL'ite

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    Matured and sensible response, in a thread that seems to be well received for somewhat guilty pleasure.

    Dealing with human relationship is an art and science, it is only appropriate for the educated and young people to take the lead and show better way to resolve the conflicts. More so, because of the dramatic changes in Indian society (and Asian at large) in less than 2 decades, accelerated through technology, resulting in huge gap between previous and current generation, their mindset and thought process. Our society is at cross road, between old and new, all at the same time, and within same home. As the saying goes, something that cant be taught at 5, cant be taught at 50, therefore, the young ones should take more on their shoulder.

    When it comes to MIL-DIL issues, I think most of the time simple issues are getting amplified and complicated due to carryover and picked-up mindset. The urge of giving "befitting" reply then and there for every petty things does not go well with open mindedness expected out of of educated and globally exposed people.

    Interesting thing is that, most women choose to ignore or stay calm for such irritating behaviors from their mothers, but get into "either you or me" fight when it comes to MIL. Thankfully, most MILs are not tech savvy, otherwise there could have been a counter thread for this.

    One more thing, marriage will not change the relationship between a son and mother (for that matter, between a daughter and mother), and neither the abusive words like "bloody coward" etc. If the intention is to resolve the conflict there is always a honorable way for that, but no amount insult and sensation will change the relationship between a mother and son, if you find it hard to digest this, that is your problem. To understand the pain of a man who caught between mother and wife, old and new, you should be born as a man.

    Also please understand, a son who is not thankful and supportive of his mother however defective she may be, will never be thankful and supportive as a husband (I exclude chronic abuses and criminal behaviors here, which is of rare case). However tough your situation may be, please show some respect for this relationship, please avoid such abusive words, you wont loose anything.
     
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