1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice
  2. Would you like to join the IL team? See open jobs!
    Dismiss Notice
  3. Liked anything that you read here? You may nominate it as the Finest Posts!
    Dismiss Notice
  4. What can you teach someone online? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice
  5. If someone taught you via skype, what would you want to learn? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice

Was I wrong???

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by akruti9, Jan 25, 2010.

  1. akruti9

    akruti9 Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    250
    Likes Received:
    1
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Gender:
    Female
    Hello Friends,

    Other that my Parents issues my INlaws are problems with me too. Here are few incidents that happened when they were here and the way I reacted. Please tell me was I wrong so that I can change it?

    My MIL liked my storage boxes but she did not ask me took few boxes and put it in her room. while I was vaccuming I saw them told my DH that maybe she liked it let's buy a whole new box and give it to her and took the boxes and kept back in my kitchen when she went out for walking. when she came back my DH asked her that why did you take few boxes we will get you whole new set take it to India. MY MIL felt that i have projected a a thief in her own DS's house and cried and faught and my FIL celeverly turned the whole fight again to MY PARENTS:hide: and the situation at home was hostile for 10 days. They stayed with me for 5 weeks out of which 10 days went on this topic:bonk.
    Then, By chance one sunday woke up at 9:00 again fighting lasted for a week. The remining 2 weeks again the same old their favourite topic "HER PARENTS".
    How to deal with them?? they are so irritating I am insultaed humiliated in my whole home.Once me,DH, MY PILS and SIL and her family went for vacation there I was asked by my SIs in law to hold my PILs legs and apologize for my parents behaviour and my DH said just do it and finsih the topic.:rantmy Sis in law did that because her DH made her to do that holding her MIL leg and asking for apology for every mistake she made:bonk. I hate all this but they will be again coming this summer and this time will be staying with me for 6 months .:drowning:eek:mg: How will I deal with them???? Oh God help me.................
     
    Loading...

  2. Priya16

    Priya16 IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    3,937
    Likes Received:
    1,465
    Trophy Points:
    308
    Gender:
    Female
    akruti9,

    I believe you shouldn't have taken boxes from her room. I know she did take without consulting you but you should have waited for more time or you should have a talk with her.
    They think they have liberty to take anything in the house. My MIL does all the time and I don't even try to enter her room. Because she is very careful with her belongings and even she let kids comes to her room. So you need to understand the personality first. Even my mother would get offended for small things.

    I beleive with the odler generation,they are in there own way for long time and running there own families and when they come daughter or son's house,sometimes they don't know what to fallow and what not to fallow.They get confused how to live in other's house.

    So overall I beleive you shouldn't have removed the boxes from her room when she is not there.
     
  3. akruti9

    akruti9 Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    250
    Likes Received:
    1
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Gender:
    Female
    HI Priya,

    Thanks for your suggestion This time I will be more careful. But Priya you know I can buy anything and give it to them but they won't want that they want something that I already have which makes me maybe possesive or what don't know. she takes anything without my permission. Even she takes my jeweelery and gives it to her daughters without even asking me assuming that her DS have only bought them but actually they were sent by my parents and If I say so she will again create a scene that look How possesive she is we get her all good stuff myDS gets here everything she wants and now she is doing all this and all. I don't know what should I do? Am I wrong? should I let her take anything whatever she likes??? There is no privacy for me. She comes in my bedroom,my closet, and my FIL will go through every inch of my house every drawer and every corner looking for something some bills or anything with which they can start a fight:rant
     
  4. riya123

    riya123 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    782
    Likes Received:
    463
    Trophy Points:
    138
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi akruti,
    Why does she become a thief when u want to gift her with a new set of storage boxes?..can't she think straight?..
    Well the matter was between u, DH and MIL.. Who had invited FIL to interfere ?.. couldn't he mind his business?..
    BTW is ur storage box a public property that she didn't even ask u before taking them?.. Try doing that to her stuff.. how will she react then?..
     
  5. Priya16

    Priya16 IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    3,937
    Likes Received:
    1,465
    Trophy Points:
    308
    Gender:
    Female
    akruti9,

    Buy some storage with locker like in India and keep expensive stuff and imporatnt stuff there.
    I typically put the jewelry in locker. So put most of the jewels in locker before they reach and other things put it in storage. Even if they are checking papers, you don't have to worry much., If your husband get annoyed let him deal with them.
    If they take something from your house, let it be (small things).
    What I observed with my MIL, she doesn't want buy anything from outside which means wasting money but if they take something from house, that’s ok because we will have more stuff at home and which is unnecessary in there mind. It’s funny that, my MIL also packs grocery also., which my husband also knows and he laughs it off, it’s her nature.
    So don't get worry too much on it.Keeep important thing in one place and rest leave it.
     
    Last edited: Jan 25, 2010
  6. Nandshyam

    Nandshyam IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    5,431
    Likes Received:
    2,179
    Trophy Points:
    340
    Gender:
    Female
    I think you should have ignored and not worried about the boxes. Simple not worrying about it, would have given you peace for those 10 days, right?

    See, there are some things in life which can be earned back and some treasures. You know what those are in your life. Those jeweleries that you think are YOURS and cannot be shared, why keep it in a way that everyone can access it? Are you indirectly implying you are OK with everyone using it? No right? Then why don't you keep them safe in your locker, thus YOURS stay YOURS?

    You keep saying she is possessive, but jump outside your skin for a minute and look at yourself as a third person, aren't you the same?

    Privacy, are you upset that your life is disturbed for those 5 weeks of someone staying with you and interrupting your life? OK, let me ask you onething, you are married to this family, you are not a guest right? Is your room off-limits to your parents when they visit you as well? Leading a peaceful life with people other than yourself is a challenge, I agree, but at the same time, one has to work it out in such a way that it balances out everyone's feeling. THINK. Except for these petty issues, is your life good? Are you being tortured day in and day out like many women out there? Are you living a loveless life? Are you being treated like a piece of furniture by your husband and his family? Look at the brighter side. Yes they get into your nerves by checking everything possible in their short visit. But is it a nerve wrecking issue? NO.

    Parents are looking after their son, atleast that's a possibility right, running in their mind? Shouldn't we respect that? End of the day, you are the wife and you&your husband are the only ones who's going to lead YOUR life. So why bother with these petty things?

     
  7. akruti9

    akruti9 Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    250
    Likes Received:
    1
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi Nandhu

    Thanks for your suggestions. But as mentioned by RIya my MIL can never think straight. Every dialogue every situtation she founds out something to fight and always negative thinking.no matter what I do......I always tried to take good care of them but they always fight for petty petty issues for example. When i was in India I did shopping at my parents place did all packing and my flight was from my inlaws place( different states) so came from domestic airlines to my inlaws place did not touch my luggage and was there at my inalws place for one week thought will show the shopping to my MIL when I will be doing the final packing and just the day before my flight when I was showing the packing to my MIL she startedshouting like hell.saying is the time to show the shopping?? you should have showed it immediately when you came and blah blah blah.. I answered back and again things went wrong... now again was it my fault??? so like this for every petty things she is ready she is like just waiting for me to make mistake and BANG Here it is and fight in which the whole family FIL, DH and SIS-in laws are ready to preach lessons and lectures and all..........Hmm so this is how my life is...always tensions and always confusions and living in fear like oh god what if I do anything wrong? IS this right Is this wrong should I do this or not and so on.
     
  8. MILKYBAR

    MILKYBAR Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    108
    Likes Received:
    1
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Gender:
    Female
    hai

    what happend to me uknow?
    at our home some stuff is there which belongs to her
    like some kichen items and her blanket etc........

    when my mil came to my home that day i went to college.
    and i didnt lock my rack and i never lock that and i even dont know where is the keys.

    when i return to home i was surprised that she open my rack and throwm my all new dresses out side and put her blanket there,which is very very old.

    just what i did u know,first thing is i thorwn that blanket to open self in another bed room which we dont use and the 2nd thing is
    i searched for keys and i locked my rack.

    thats it.my job was done.

    that time iam angry but when i remember i will laugh now.how funny she is?

    so just maintain ur jewelry and important bills in a separate rack and lock it.
    u r suffering by thinking that they are coming.right?
    why dont u make that, they should scare to come to u?
    u take a initiation to talk.
    or be in ur world those days.
    thats it.
     

Share This Page