Warning Bell - Were Our Tears Real?

No Offence Taken, Preethi!

Dear Preethi,

Even when you disagree you are so soft and to the point that it is impossible to take offence of your words. I am only pleased with your reply.

You have gone to the extent of "desires" and "facing reality". Now here we are not talking of some idle desires of the mind like wanting to be an actor etc. We are talking of the burning passions of the heart which would not let us rest until we subdue them by working for them.

You have twisted the question by saying that Rajiv as HLL executive could have provided more luxuries to his daughters. His greatness lies in the fact that fully realising this fact he has opted for a teachers post. His daughters might not have gone to school in a luxury car. But they would have come back home to an affectionate and a well-meaning father. His daughters would not have got the latest handsets while they are yet in school; but they would be more blessed with a father who is lovingly communicating to them. And Preethi, to think that these things can be valued in terms of money.... no, Preethi, it is not possible.

Can happiness satisfy the social and economic needs? Now I answer this question at three levels.

Level 1, by a simple counter question, can money by itself give happiness?

Level 2, by taking help from Abraham Maslow who propounded the human needs heirarchy theory. He says that at the lowest rung of the needs ladder we have the basic needs like food clothing etc. (Now if Rajiv cannot provide these basic needs, then his decision is not ethically right) At the next rung is the security needs. The need to have the basic needs fulfilled continuously without any problem.
The third rung contains recognition needs. Once our basic and security needs are fulfilled we seek recognition. We want to be known.
And at the final level lies the self-actualisation needs. This is the highest need of any human being. This is realising the very purpose of our birth in this life, of completing our mission in life.
A man at a job he hates might have his first two levels of needs fulfilled and would have some thing in the third level also but at the final level he would be ridiculous failure in life. Rajiv, in this sense, is a roaring success.

Level 3, There was a very happy Sufi poet who lived in poverty with enough money to survive. The King knowing about his poems wanted him to sing a poem in honour of himself. The poet refused. He was thrown out of the palace.
Another poet who had obliged the king was going in the street in a palanquin. He saw the poor poet, got down from the carriage and told him, "If you can just praise the king once you need not have to live in poverty." To which the great poet replied, "If you can learn to do what you love to do, then you need not have to praise the king."

Regarding the roles of parents and spouse, I still stick on to my view. A woman as a wife would be more shocked by her spouses career moves than her children's. The reason is simple and obvious. A wrong career move by the husband would not only affect her but also the children as well. And the children would be punished for no fault of theirs. Whereas with the children the woman as a mother can support along with her husband.

Thanks for the detailed reply, Preethi.
regards,
Varalotti

 

That Is A Good Message, Bipasu!

Dear Bipasu,

The delay doesn't matter.

To tell you the truth I have spent all my life arguing against children mindlessly flocking to engineering and medical courses without caring to check whether they have the aptitude for it. This mad rush has resulted in the mushrooming of engineering colleges who produce a large number of engineers who are unemployed officially on the day of their graduation.

In any society it is enough we have some 10 engineers for 1000 people and about the same or less number of doctors. Ask any plus two student; 98% would opt for either medical or engineering.

We don't even think of the career alternatives available; and just harp on these two courses.
It is just like making only idlis and dosais at home when there are a million other tastier dishes available.
Thanks for the post, Bipasu.
Varalotti

 

Thanks for your views, Meenu

Dear Meenu,
This happens in almost all the higher middle class families in chennai. Hearing about the daily schedule of a Plus Two student made me faint. If you cram a child with tennis, guitar, maths tuition, entrance course tuition and a host of other things, he would not have any time to relax, just think and wonder about many things which alone leads to the blossoming of a full-fledged human being.
One of my sisters friends drove her son to madness because she wanted him to secure 1150 marks in Plus Two. The poor boy with all his herculean efforts could get only 900. He got seat in a far away engineering college and now commutes to the college in bus and spends about 3 to 4 hours in it.
Even the mention of his name makes me tired.
Everybody is in a rush to go somewhere. But very few know where we are heading.
Thanks for the post, Meenu.
regards,
Varalotti

 

I am bunching the happy girls together!

Dear Sudha and Kamla,

More than my original post your post should be an eye-opener to all the young ladies of IL.

As you two rightly put it the real luxury is not in driving a benz or a BMW, but in quitting the work one hates to do. The real richness is not measured in currencies or valuables, but the time you are able to spend with your near and dear.

At the end of life nobody regrets, "Oh, I should have driven a bigger car" or " I should have lived in a bigger house." But many do regret in their death bed that they have not spent enough time with their dear ones.

And my policy in life is very clear. I measure success only by the happiness of a person. A person who is the MD of a company with some hundred crores of assets working 14 hours a day is much poorer than a clerk who can call it a day with 8 hours of honest work and who can spend the rest of the time as he wishes.

I know a very rich couple. The husband and wife meet only once in a month in a star hotel. The rest of the month they will be travelling, frequently out of the country. Ever since I have known these people I am praying God to pour his mercy on them so that they get back their good sense soon.

Thanks Sudha and Kamla, you have made this thread lively and your posts have been a kind of replies on my behalf.
regards,
sridhar

 

I congratulate you Vandhana and your Husband Too!

Dear Vandhana,

I am happy and feel proud of you both. To accept a pay-cut is a very significant decision and to live with it requires lots of courage.

As you have rightly said "We just have to look at our lives and expenses differently." It is only our way of looking at them that gives us pain or happiness.

Believe me when you take a decision like this there are incidental advantages (at times what we call as incidental is much more than the main advantages) . You two will know each other better. I find more intimacy between the spouses who have managed hard times together than between those who have always lived in "laps of luxury." More importantly each of you will know more about yourself, your strengths and your preferences. This self-knowledge is the first step of spritual growth.

I pray the Almighty Architect of the Universe to bestow his choicest blessings on you both.
regards,
sridhar