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Want To Go Abroad..how To Convey & Convince?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Reesha, Dec 29, 2020.

  1. Reesha

    Reesha Silver IL'ite

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    Thanks to all , really great responses. Any how my husband would not like to change country. He is kind of Native place lover. But i am not. I will figure out solution soon. Hope God will help me in this case. just i need good practical oriented education to my kids & career opportunities which give value to life as well along with Fun factor in life. But here my parents, my siblings, my husband & in-laws are taking me granted because i became super woman to handle bunch of maids, handling Groceries, cooking part & earning woman to provide salaries to maids. so that's the reason every time Husband, in-laws, parents and even my single brother depending on me for major works. In case of inlaws & husband i controlled them lot with help of this forum. now my parents came into picture recently because my mother got sick. now My father left my mother at my place, my brother is busy with his office. My mother has too much expectation & she want me to be her full time care taker. she is scolding me now after seeing my 2yr cry while i am in meeting. she is comparing me with other house wives of my age & asking me to resign my job. In her view "Happiness" means, just maintaining husband in hands by throwing inlaws from home, watching serials, cleaning house, caring children in her view. not career. She is saying she doesn't have chance to leave her job due to low finance. But i can leave as per my Husband income.

    So that is the reason, i feel like managing hostel with lot of emotional minded gaming personalities. No one cares either i am happy with this life or not. they think that i am happy with current setup at home. they think that i am happy with their happiness & happy by satisfying all their needs and being manager at home. only my close friend knew about my dreams of roaming world, watching movie solo with popcorn, playing with kids freely in parks/streets, wearing shorts, having my own dog(my husband is PET hater), Having Jog at morning instead of running in kitchen so on...

    i think these are not possible in this traditional india.
     
  2. lavani

    lavani Platinum IL'ite

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    wow. you are almost living the life of usa in india.

    it is possible in india, but your family setup is not supporting you.

    you should come here, if you can. your work load will reduce 50%. work on convincing him.
     
  3. KashmirFlower

    KashmirFlower IL Hall of Fame

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    It is more to do with the responsibilities of a married woman with kids Vs a single woman than the country living in. People in India can have all you said if they have time in their hand.
    Even in USA with kids, their schools, home works and the job, taking care of chores at home, cooking and feeding 3 times it would be the same.
    Definitely more freedom to wear as per your wish when you are away from the judging relatives/family members.
     
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  4. NOW

    NOW Gold IL'ite

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    Looks like the real problem is learning to say NO and communicating to your parents and single brother tactfully to not put extra load on you while you already have your family and job responsibilities. At times when we rely on people for emotional support or company, they will in turn expect things which become overwhelming for us. It all depends on your personality and the family dynamics you have. Going abroad for career and kids is secondary but you have to find a better way to deal with expectations and letting them know you are only there to support but not take it upon you the full responsibility. May be you should start living your dreams right now in whichever way you can in this COVID situation and that will signal others to leave you alone during your downtime. All you have to say is NO and gradually empower the other person to make their own decisions independently.
     
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  5. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Super woman needs to learn how to say No. How to say No firmly and without any guilt or drama.

    You are being taken for granted by husband, MIL, FIL, mother, father and single brother. Your father left your sick mother at your place because your single brother is too busy with his work. You who have two kids are expected to take care of her.

    : ) You have a way with words. Very accurate description - managing hostel of gaming personalities. : )

    The story of many women. People around us think that making lists for family, reminding them of to-do's is our idea of quality "me-time."

    solo movie with popcorn - can do in India.
    having own dog - can't do anywhere if husband against it
    jog at morning instead of running in kitchen : ) : ) - can do in India.

    There are courses and entire online guides dedicated to "how to say No." Start with that. The rest, including going abroad, will fall in place.

    ETA: Read NOW's post above this after posting.
     
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  6. Reesha

    Reesha Silver IL'ite

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    Living life of USA in india? what does mean exactly...can you brief your opinion...i couldn't catch above line
     
  7. Desiindian

    Desiindian Gold IL'ite

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    Father and bother leaving sick mom at daughter's place who is living with Inlaws, after all drama of separate living with nanny for sometime.....really even in serials I have not seen this cruel parents....
    Bunch of maids, but had to do cooking, really can't hire a maid for cooking also..;
    This is the only site where I read hiring caretaker for kids when in-laws are living with them(unless they are sick).
    Eating popcorn and walking in shorts in streets, very cinematic description.....no comments....

    I wonder how true are your posts, in short nothing sounds real......
     
  8. lavani

    lavani Platinum IL'ite

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    you are working even harder in india, that the couple with no support in USA. I did not knew you are doing so much. In that case, you are way better off in coming here.

    i listed 10 things before, but that was taking care of you and your kids and spouse. You are juggling parents, in laws that is super woman.
     
  9. Reesha

    Reesha Silver IL'ite

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    There is no surprise in your understanding. Leaving at my place means, he left in my own flat

    Original matter is ... just before Covid we moved to a nearest Rent house because of distance & traffic issue in city. But metrics were changed due to Covid. So our own flat is empty. so my father left my mother at my own flat which is dumped with one of my husbands colleague's furniture to escape his rent. So my mother is utilizing their furniture & i am juggling to maintain two house now with cooks & maids. So...hopefully now you can understand my issue. My father is afraid of fighting if my mother stays with my in-laws & privacy factor. in between i am taking 1 hr journey in between houses.

    I do have cook at my mothers place, but not in new house. i can hire...but still it require monitoring to get tasty food. just i want to get out of that hell...whats the matter if we wake up at 6.30 AM for monitoring or for cooking? we have to wake up na...
     
  10. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Platinum IL'ite

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    I didnt understand why your father left your mother alone in your flat, when she is sick..he can keep her with him and your brother is so heartless to use his office work as excuse...same maid and cook could be hired at your parents house and your father can supervise the cook...
    And pls hire a cook...train her for some days she will cook well...its pretty strenuous to cut veggies and cook for so many poeple...it becomes monotonous after a while and you'll feel resentment.. dorn worry about tasty food..if your in laws dont like the food made by coon theyre free to cook themselves or make their own arrangements for stay..
    You're feeling suffocated because you say yes to everything...you should say a firm no and make boundaries clear..else India or abroad you'll still be miserable...
    Watching movie, playing with kids, wearing shorts, have seen ladies doing it in India too but mostly when they have freedom in nuclear family...there is no reason you cant enjoy your life here in India by giving priority to yourself and not letting others control you so much.
     

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