Want to give baby for adoption.

Dear 123,

I still hope you'll understand the responses here have been to encourage you to think a bit more. I also hope you'll understand that for us readers it's a bit shocking that a mother who took all the pains to endure pregnancy feels otherwise for the baby now and that's why such responses.

You still haven't told us about your family's role and thoughts here, esp that of your husband. You said that your doctor suggested giving up the baby. Let's not talk about therapy and all... instead why don't you just go for a second opinion, with your husband, not to a gyn but to a doctor who specialises in such issues? there's no harm giving it a try right? after all, for some reason, when you found out you were pregnant you decided to keep the pregnancy and deliver the baby.

dear ILites,

till the OP gets the courage to tell us more i request that we keep the responses to her a bit on the milder side. I know it can be hard for some of us given the nature of the problem. But I feel a person who is perhaps in need of a therapy needs milder suggestions at this stage. thanks for your understanding.

Latha

 

I hope you do go to a therapist, and I am glad you have decided that. Please don't get angry at us, this is a public forum and you will hear all kinds of outcry for such an issue. It's no small issue and it touches every woman's heart here.

We look forward to hearing from you soon, about how you are doing, and what you have decided after your therapies.

Good luck and I will be praying for you.

 

Dear

I guess first thing for you is go to a therapist and talk to them as much as you can. More than this online thing, it would help you to take some certified therapist to listen to you, the more you talk and the more you express and confirm your views you would understand the situation and whether you still want to proceed or not. based on that you can move forward. But pls do visit a therapist atleast for few sessions helps a lot to vent out.

Meanwhile do leave your kid with your mom / inlaws. I guess you said your kid is some 8 - 10 months old??? is that right? let your parents/inlaws take care of the kid for a while. Or if you can afford have a baby sitter for few days in a week atleast so that you can take time off from the kid.

Reg. Adoption check if any of your relatives are interested to adopt your kid, that way you can also be part of kids life and if you want to you can visit the kid and the kid also knows his real parents. (Yes some of the indian families do this where if in a family there are multiple sons and daughters and if one of their family member has no kids, they would adopt the kid and treat the kid as their own and raise them, educate them and get them married..now the kid would have 2 sets of parents..as both sides parents would be involved in teh kids life and the kid knows too why he was given away for adoption. This happened in my relatives where a brother gave his daughter( their second kid) for adoption to his elder brother as the elder brother didnt have kids for 15 yrs.

There are possibilities and options. So dont worry on that front. But first to carry out any option / plan you have to be physically and mentally strong and healthy. So take care of your health first and talk your feelings out to a therapist and do the rest. good luck dear

 

hi,
I am so sorry to hear about your situation. My suggestion is that you need to calm down.

Please go to a good post partum support group. Its definitely post partum depression whether you know it or not. The hospital where you delivered will also have such groups.

Children are innocent and babies are actually form of God itself.If you harm the baby ..you harm God ..so please take these thoughts out of your mind.

For whatever reason you had this baby so now its your responsibility.Imagine if your mother thought the same about you and made you an orphan.

Go on a break..take a week off...Maybe you will miss the baby then.

My dear you are a lost soul.All my thoughts and prayers go out to you.

GO TO A GOOD Counselor..please...

 

as someone has suggested, it would be a good decision to give up the child to jaya for sometime ( i dont know if 123 is ready for formal adoption procedures, because she is confused for some reason - depression ??? )

but it would be real cruel, if she finds love for the child and wishes to take it back from Jaya, it would leave jaya devastated

instead of that, she can send the child to some close relative for some months or even 1 year - meanwhile child will also be in safe hands during the tender age and see also gets time to assess if she/he misses the child or not ??

then she can decide what she wants to do...

 

Ladies

I think the OP is in the US. Please be aware that child protection laws here are very strict. I would caution against advising the OP to give her baby to Jaya, or relatives, or anyone else at this point. You can't just "give" your baby away like this, temporarily or permanently. I guess the laws aren't as stringent in this regard in other countries, but please let's not talk about what we're not sure about. There are people's lives, future and happiness at stake here, and these quick, unofficial, impractical fixes are ill-advised. This is my opinion, but I think any reasonable person would agree with me that we need to tread very carefully here. I'm sure the OP has professional, qualified resources at her disposal (paediatrician, social worker) who would have a better idea of how to resolve this issue.

 

Ansuya

At the end of the statement I made, to give the baby to jaya..I did mention the word legally.....So yes we do know about the laws in US. .Thank you for the concern..

 

That's great - so you'll know, then, that adoption is not a quick and easy process, and open adoption is even more complicated (where the adoptive and birth parents know each other, keep in contact, etc.). There are huge legal and other ramifications, decisions to be made, procedures to go through, and viewpoints to be considered.


My concern, then, is for her and her current mental state, and the welfare of her baby. We should be helping if we can, and staying out of it if we can't, not making someone who already feeds bad feel worse. I appreciate the posts here from people who have been understanding and sympathetic.

 

Hi 123aaa,

Just Look at his smile..& masti......U'll start loving him.

 

Ansuya

As much as I appreciate your concern for OP I have to say this..Yes we were not able to provide much information and suggested her to consult an attorney and go through the adoption process it legally...Everyone suggested her that she might be in post partum depression...and she has to see therapist or doc..

Yes agreed she needs more support in the state she is in...and everyone is trying to do that..I dont think anyone has anything against her might be some are surprised and some are hurt and some are wondering whats the real deal here. so let the OP come back and speak for herself.