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visitors from india

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by rojamalar, May 7, 2010.

  1. rojamalar

    rojamalar Junior IL'ite

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    My sister is visiting from India. She gets defensive if I say anything about India. There are good and bad things everywhere but she always says India is better. She is very strong about her opinion and hurts my feelings many times. I am an indian too and like india. Why is it wrong if we say something we don't like about india. All people who visit this country from india are like this? Do they have a complex? Just wondering.....
    Thanks for listening.
    rojamalar
     
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  2. Dilchahtahai

    Dilchahtahai Senior IL'ite

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    Roja,
    The first time visitors find a lot of things strange in this country. But that was more for older folks like parents. Sister being younger in age and more modern (believably), behaving like this is a little perplexing I think.
    When my mom visited the first time she did the same thing. She even hated the way our door lock was designed. She said the locks they had in India are better..
    I listened to this for one month and then told her that every place is different and she had to understand this is a different country. Every place has its good and bad points but I would feel better if she does not compare things all the time.
    Now, my mom is a sensible person and she stopped doing so immediately, sensing that it was hurting me..
    Do you think it would help if you saythe same thing to your sister when she is making one of these comparisons?
     
  3. Spiderman1

    Spiderman1 Gold IL'ite

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    You are much elder to me like my Mom, so feel a bit strange in giving this advice. Neverthless, easiest way to deal with your sister is:

    Tell her that we have different opinions, so let us agree to disagree. We will not discuss this topic, let us talk other things.
     
  4. rojamalar

    rojamalar Junior IL'ite

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    to spiderman1
    You didn't understand my post. I am not asking for advice. Just trying to find out if most people are like that --that is comparing india and us.
    when my mother visited this country she never compared anything. Just accepted the way it is here and enjoyed it. My sister is very opinionated. Anything I say or do she does the opposite.
     
  5. Ansuya

    Ansuya Platinum IL'ite

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    This is not advice, just another way of looking at things, so please don't snap at me like you did the poor SpiderFellow!

    Maybe your sister doesn't have a problem with America as such, but with you - not that you did anything to her, but just with you choosing to live in America, and liking some aspects of life here.

    Sisters are very competitive (I have a sister, so I know) and your words above lead me to think the root of the problem may be with the choices you have made versus the choices she has made. Maybe she feels she needs to justify her choices, and running America down makes her feel better (or better than you).

    You would be the best judge of existing behavioural dynamics between you and your sister. And please be aware that these dynamics sometimes stretch all the way back to childhood; my dress is better than your dress, your doll looks stupid, etc.

    And to answer your question before I get a scolding too, yes, I've noticed some Indian visitors/immigrants to America are very, very patriotic about India, and there's nothing wrong with that, except they choose to express their patriotism by denigrating America. I think this is a sign of deep insecurity, as opposed to anything actually so offensive about life here. I think it's good manners to keep one's extremely scathing opinions about a host (person, home, country, society) to oneself.

    I have had reasonable, balanced discussions with some people about the pros and cons of life in both countries, but some other people just don't want to hear it. If your sister wants to insist that India is superior in all ways, then I would put her in the latter category.
     
    sindmani likes this.
  6. Spiderman1

    Spiderman1 Gold IL'ite

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    Oh, sorry! I may have misunderstood. I apologize.

    Well, some people are like that. They think everything or most things in India is better than US. I know some family members who do that.

    But not all. There are people who are more balanced as well. It depends very much on individual personality and INSECURITIES. Insecurity may be a reason for someone to keep harping like that as well.

    PS:
    I see Ansuya also mentions insecurity. This is the first thing that came to my mind before I read her post fully.
     
    Last edited: May 7, 2010
  7. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

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    Roja madam

    Sometimes the best way to handle such things that too between sisters is stop pushing our opinion on to them. If you stop it, eventually she too might stop pushing her opinion on you.

    Also when someone constantly cuts our point and thought, the other one gets more defensive and bent up on to prove their point. So why dont you relax for a while, let her enjoy her stay and let her feel the good and bad of this country with her heart (instead of you trying to show the good and bad). If you show good, she might not see it as you are showing it, so let her see things through her eyes and analyze by herself.

    Moreover nothing wrong in everyone having their own opinion about things. But whats bad is forcing our opinion on to others and making sweeping generalizations.

    So please relax and let your sister also relax. Am sure slowly you both would be able to see each others point without offending each other.
     
    Last edited: May 7, 2010
    sindmani likes this.
  8. saipavani123

    saipavani123 Silver IL'ite

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    [JUSTIFY]
    So you compare too ?? :)
    Why to say anything about India and give her a chance to get defensive. Talk anything else other than this.

    Yes every country has good and bad. But people who live in place X ..get used to it soo much that they start loving it.... X might be India or America or even a village named gudlavalleru in krishna district of andhra pradesh. Anything you say against it people can't tolerate. That's natural .

    I don't know if its insecurity...frankly even though I agree every country has good/bad but even I can't tolerate if anything silly is said against India
    For example other day my manager (he keeps commenting about everything in India) brought some chocolates from some foreign country and gave it to us and commented saying Chocolates in India don't melt at all..while foreign chocolates melt ...after he saying this..it irked me sooo much immediately replied back saying "Have you ever eaten dairy milk from local store here?? I think you should taste it...keep it in hand for 5 minutes you can see chocolate melting" ...He just remained silent after me saying this.
    [/JUSTIFY]
     
    Last edited: May 7, 2010
  9. parvathi1980

    parvathi1980 Platinum IL'ite

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    i don't live in India and i also don't like to hear anything bad about India. I feel as Indians or as people of indian origin we need to be proud of our country and not repeatedly criticize it. Accepting a problem is one thing but sitting in another country, assuming another nationality does not give anybody the rite to look down upon India.

    I have come across a lot of Indians living in the US who wen they come for a visit to India criticize everything here. This even though they were born and brought up here. I guess if u can criticize India then accept other people's criticism of the country u have adopted.
     
  10. Priya16

    Priya16 IL Hall of Fame

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    This is what I feel.

    If I visit a family where they don't have kids yet,for me it's hard to find a topic to talk.Basically these days all the topics around my kids.
    I happen to visit one of neighbour and they don't have kids yet.There intersts are going to movie ,going for lunch ,dinner and which place to visit.My family intersts are different becuase we have kids.
    So when some one visiting us from India,Most of us topic is India vs US.
    if you meet people who live ,we don't have much to compare.But some one comes from India,even they and we start comparing everything.That's where the problem.So please divert the topic to something else.
    Even she brough up comparing something,please chage to something else.
    Talk about your people in india or something else.

    I do agree with Anusya post.
     

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