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Victims of emotions

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Tugga, Feb 7, 2010.

  1. Tugga

    Tugga Silver IL'ite

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    Dear friends,

    I have seen many woman (including me, and most of my friends/relatives) are the victims of emotions.
    Basically we women are very weak when it comes to hide and control our emotions compare to our counterparts.

    As someone mentioned, our main weakness is our spouses. We tend to lose our identity, self respect, likes and everything just to save our relationship. This sometimes makes us feel very low about our self.

    But, I too have seen some practical women, they know how to control their emotions and how to handle their life without mixing it with sentiments. These woman are always happy in their marriage.

    For instance:- There is an African woman in my work place. She had a love mariage last year to her colleague and now pregnant (almost 8 months). They live in my upstairs and I know all about their life stories.

    Her husband never takes her to the medical check up, never spent too much time with her after officer hrs (they work in two diff offices). Above all, her husband didn't travel with her yesterday when she was going home (to her country) to deliver her baby. He said, he can take paternity leave only after her delivery, hence she has to manage the journey alone (which is true, but i felt like why this man let his wife travel alone in the flight when she was 8+ month and it is a free UN flight. He could have jointed her and retuned back on the next day if his job is that much special).

    Whatsoever, this woman was very happy. She didn't even show a bit of disapointment in her face, nor sad feelings. She waved her hands like a school girl with full of smile on her face when she was at the airport.

    This lady is an independant woman and she does everything on her own without waiting or looking for her husband, hence she is so happy.

    Any tips for me to be independant and live my life more happily????
     
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  2. kavya007

    kavya007 Gold IL'ite

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    The best advice I have is
    "Understand and be aware that expectations lead to disappointments. You cannot find true happiness in objects or relationships but only within yourself".

    Regards,
    Kavya.
     
  3. RadiantCat

    RadiantCat Gold IL'ite

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    Accept the situation. You'll not have much of emotional turbulence!
     
  4. ALPA

    ALPA Platinum IL'ite

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    HI tugga,

    let me tell you something, that african women are very strong and independant and in most african countires they are single mothers. Most african men have so many affairs and children out of wedlock and their wives know about it and they are mentally prepared also for them to have a kid is showing to their society that they are fertile. Here in kenya there is a African clan where by the woman has to get pregnant before marriage tp prove she is fertile
    Tugga how do i get in touch with you, can you become a paid PM in IL, we cannot exchange email id's here so if oyu could become a Paid Private message user then we can PM each other.

    love
    alpa:cheers
     
  5. sowmyar

    sowmyar New IL'ite

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    Kavya that was bank on target - couldn't agree more.

    Judging from personal experience I would say life sans expectations would be just about perfect. Trouble is others tend to not return the 'favor'!! Which eventually boils down to this - 'change the relationship dynamics'. Expect more from yourself for yourself, learn to say 'no' when others ask too much of you, and make peace with self.
     
  6. Tugga

    Tugga Silver IL'ite

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    Thanks girls for your useful tips.

    Our main enemy is our expectations on our loved ones...
    Second, our inability to accept the situation.

    Alpha,

    I will check and try to be get PM soon
     
  7. kavithavel

    kavithavel Senior IL'ite

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    Now there are 2 ways, I am not sure if we Indians can follow those.

    1. A calm composed type- which gives love and expects no returns , i.e unconditional love to thier spouses, despite of the fact that they wouldn't get a bit of it back.

    2. The don't care types - who neither give nor expect love in turn.

    Hurt are those who given in love to all possible extent and expect some lil to be returned, but never get it though.

    What say????
    The marriage fourm is into existance thus...Am I worng ?????

    Love,
    Kavitha.
     
  8. neha1

    neha1 Silver IL'ite

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    I guess, the best is to be without expectation. But, i am sure many here(me included) will argue how to be without expectation and that too from spouse.
    it is difficult to live life daily. but, i would say ,practising this is possible with a daily effort.

    also, i agree to kavithavel.if we fall in to the first category, chances r that most likely,it will b returned sooner or later.

    coming to your question, i think start to practise being non-expecting of anyone including spouse...it is possible to a good extent but not sometimes..

    good luck
     
  9. mithy232

    mithy232 Silver IL'ite

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    I am sure many Indian women fall into the first category.
    To lead an independent life,
    • Live a life without expectations
    • Stop being emotional
    • Remove the extra-sensitiveness
    • Increase the acceptance level
    • Take things lightly

    These are the attributes of a MAN. See guys always enjoy life! Do you think women can adapt these qualities??!
     
  10. Anuradha00

    Anuradha00 Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi Tugga,

    Find your inner strength. Never rely on others, even your hubby or even your children, to give you this strength. They will be here today and gone tomorrow. The only person who will always be with you is you - from birth to death. You came alone (unless you have a twin or triplet etc) and you will go alone. During this journey called life, fellow travelers will be in and out - like parents, siblings, spouse, in-laws, children, grandchildren etc - of the train (your life) - but they are only fellow travelers. They will come with you for some time but they will all leave eventually to continue their own journeys (like marriage, job relocation etc) or will leave you when their journey ends (like death). So, you have to be your own strength and own sounding board.

    When you find this inner strength you will be freed from anger, depression, sorrow etc. Don't give someone else the power to steal your smile or your happiness. You be in charge of your own emotions. See how empowered, independent and light hearted you will feel when you do this. Many others have found this strength. You can, too. Don't give up. Smile. You can do it.
     

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