Very tensed about visits to in-laws place.

generic · Jul 19, 2014

My MIL is very short tempered & abusive type...If she gets angry, she just starts shouting and no one can convince her to calm down...They are staying in native place and I am staying in different town with my DH. Like typical in-laws, every festival/function/long weekend etc they demand that we visit them...I have gone there few times and everytime they visit us or we visit them, my MIL creates some drama or the other...FIL does not try to stop her in anyway, infact he supports her and justifies her behaviour.. DH is too scared of his mother to disobey her . Last time i went to inlaws house and the last time that in-laws visited us here, she made my life very miserable by shouting at me and insulting me continuously for 2-3 days during duration of my stay...But when some neighbours/relatives are around she'll behave like a very nice person . I'm sick of her behaviour...She is again demanding us to visit native place for 3-4 days as her niece is getting married ... My husband is forcing me to visit, inspite of knowing how much I'm troubled...I begged him not to force but he is saying that I have to adjust with his mother's behaviour and I have no choice..I'm scared that same kind of drama will happen again so i dont want to go there...Infact I wanna avoid spending any time with them...Why should I travel for 10-12 hrs by train+road reach there so I can be insulted again?How do I convince DH and how do I make sure I avoid visits to in-laws house?Anyone else faced this problem, how did u deal?pls advice..

yellowmango · Jul 19, 2014

Tell your husband......by forcing you to take abuse from them....he is the enabler and facilitator of the abuse.

Tell him that as your husband he is supposed to protect you....if he can't protect you from his own mother than at least he should not force you into situations where is is left like a helpless little child.

Ask him point blank...what is he going to do when the abuse starts.Ask him how will you handle the situation and if he can't then why should you go?

Put the onus of stopping the abuse on him...he will find a way out of the situation.

jigisha321 · Jul 19, 2014

Can you ask your husband to call up your MIL, put the phone in loudspeaker and then ask her to commit that she will not abuse you ? Your MIL has to say this loud and clear so that it is audible to both you and your H..if your H agrees to have this conversation then you can give it a shot...talk to your H first..if your H doesnot agree to do this then you can refuse to go altogether..

If the above happens, your MIL commits but after you go there, she does not keep her word, then once she starts abusing you shout in a loud voice for your H and ask him to mediate..once he comes to mediate, leave your H to handle his mom and you leave the room...but before you leave , tell this in a clear voice "I will not come here again.you have done which you have been forbidden to do"..