Very nice MIL but for one annoying habit

PeaceAlways · Apr 19, 2015

Hi,

My inlaws are visiting us for 6 months. This is my first time with them visiting us in USA. They are very nice people, very understanding and all.

Only annoying habit of my MIL is in kitchen. She keeps passing comments on each and everything I do in kitchen. She stands right behind me in the kicthen and keeps prompting when ever I cook. This makes me nervous when I cook in front of her, inadvertently I make mistakes which invites more comments from her. If we get groceries, she needs to discuss each and every grocery where it needs to go and then she will complain that we don't have a pantry closet. She insists that I clean using Indian Broom only. I don't like cleaning using that broom and I don't want to offend her by saying no, so every night while cleaning I get a lecture on how I should clean using the broom... Ahh, I go to office in the morning, when I come to dining room to have a cup of coffee , she won't let me have it in peace. 100 requests regarding kitchen items, plus some comments about my office wear. She insists on bringing all items I rarely use from storage and use it in kitchen. She insists on using certain vessels for certain things strictly. I don't care for lot of things and when she insists, I get annoyed. It has got to a point where I hate going to kitchen when she is there. If I tell her that I can cook alone and she can take rest, she won't listen. She has to come to kicthen and comment on each and everything I do. Don't know what is the solution to the problem. This is only second week, long way to go.

she is a gem of a person, and is very innocent. Tats why she is not able to pick up my subtle signs from me. How do I go about making my point and at the same time not making her feel sad?

Please help me

Rihana · Apr 20, 2015

Get her addicted to Indian channels on TV or laptop.

Get husband to join you in kitchen whenever possible - not to help, just so there are 4 pairs of ears to listen to your MIL's questions.

Weather is getting warmer -have her go out for walks with your husband, and she'll come and want to rest.

Could you occasionally have a "work conference call" to call in to while working in the kitchen. Or an audio book you have to listen to for work related stuff.

Also, maybe the novelty will pass and the comments will die down.

Coffee- take it to bedroom.

DKI · Apr 20, 2015

My MIL used to have the habit - not of commenting - but asking me the method of preparation for every single dish I cooked. If I told her for example "I fry the urad dal and red chilies" her question would be "O I did not know you need to put urad dal for this dish". Finally one day I smiled and told her - Amma, a lot of my cooking is my own recipes. I really don't know what I put into them...in fact every time I make some dishes I may use different ingredients. When you ask me this all the time, I get nervous and confused and totally forget what I am supposed to say" She was stunned when she heard that her questioning me was confusing me.

Maybe you should just tell your MIL 'Ma...when you hover around I get nervous and make mistakes. You are very good at running a kitchen, but for me this is the only way I can learn -by doing things my own way'.

This is the only thing this direct approach worked for me and MIL, but since then she has totally left me and my cooking methods alone.