Very Manipulative And Cunning Bil And His Wife....pissed Off To Handle Them

Hi all...

Sorry for long post. Please bear with me. Little background of me and my in laws before I explain current scenario:

I am married for almost 7 years and never had good terms with in laws. They always tried making my life hell...from the beginning my MIL use to hate me for no reason. I am qualified and working women but she expects me to just blindly follow her orders. She is such dominant person who wants to control me and my husband all time. My husband was also a mummy boy for initial 3 years which made my life so impossible. She creates rift between me and my husband. We use to fight a lot. My Fil is very manipulative and expects all time money from us. For the first 3 years my husband has given all savings to them and they bought some lands for it which are on their name. And my husband has sent all money which he earned before marriage I.e 6 years of savings in clearing debts of my in laws. When he entered my life he came with out single penny. As both were working we started buying household things one by one from our monthly salaries. So in short whatever we have now with us is complete our hard earned money and no one helped us. Even now our laws take money from us on and off. I am kind of used to it. My daughter is 5 years old now. When she is born and when she is in her early years, I was so worried to put her in day care and seeked my mil help. She refused to come and help. Instead she created lot of fuss. She never missed a chance to insult me and my parents in all these years. I asked my parents to stay away from her just to avoid them getting insulted. They always feel bad abt it. With all the bitter experiences I am keeping my self away from them now a days to be in peace. My husband has also understood and supporting now.

Now the problem is with my BIL and his wife. My BIL is very cunning and very smart. He has been working for last 8 years. He never gave a penny to my inlaws all these years and always acted smart saying that he has no money etc. my inlaws also never ask him money. They ask only us. They know that my husband can't so no. Their younger son always says them that he don't have money. Till now no one knows where he is spending all his earnings. My in laws think that their younger son is so innocent and doesn't know anything but we know what he is. He just acts like innocent but he is very smart.Recently 8 months back he got married. My mil got my BIL marriage with her own brothers daughter. So now they all became one man army. This new girl who got married to my BIL is also equally smart to act. She acts innocent same like her husband. And on top of it being she my mils own brother daughter..my mil is also very sweet to her. I was shocked to see my mil new avatar. All these years she harassed me to possible extent and now when it is with her younger dil she is sweet..which made me feel very bad and upset as why only me?? had to go through all suffering. I cursed my fate for this but left it out thinking it won't help me....
Immediately after my BILs marriage he started looking for property in a city where we live. Here property needs min 70-80 L and he says he don't need loan and has all money in hand to buy...very shocking to us. But even after this incident my in laws are still blind to his smartness..there happened an incident just one week before his marriage and he accused me and my husband for no reason and said that we are money minded..I really don't understand how we are money minded when my husband spent 6 years of his savings and another 3 years of combined savings of ours on family...and insulted both his brother and me very badly by calling some bad words. Dealt with out any respect..so we both decided not to attend his marriage but my inlaws brain washed my husband saying family respect etc so we are forced to attend his wedding. He didn't say sorry nor tried to patch up from his end.

Current situation:
My BILs wife has got job in same city and she moved in. They very well know that it will happen 2 months ahead but didn't search house. My mil called my husband and said that till they find a house, my BILs wife will stay with us. My husband even though he knows my current state can't say No for his mother . Sorry forgot to mention...I am 23 weeks pregnant and been put on cervix stitch 2 weeks back as it started funneling. Doc suggested complete bed rest as it is risky for me to reach full term in this state. My mom has come down to help me. My mil knows my current state even then he asked to keep SIL. I don't really understand how they can expect us to entertain such ppl ( BIL and his wife) who never showed any respect towards us..leave about respect. When I was admitted in hospital for cervix stitch which is done on emergency basis so my mom was not here. That day my daughter is in daycare and I am in hospital. Only my husband to take care of me. My husband requested his brother to bring my mother from bus stand..as city is new to my mom. My mom has come same day when I admitted but by evening...he simply declined saying he has some work and can't help even knowing my state in hospital. My husband has asked my friend to stay in hospital and he went to pick up my daughter and mother. I was very angry on my BIL. He can't help us when we are really in need ..but they in turn expect us to keep his wife in my house during my bed rest. This is heights....
I can't say no to some one who are coming themselves to my house with out being invited...even though I don't like that girl and BIL I kept quiet. This girl has come down and never even once came to my room to say hi and ask about my health...I am staying in my bed room and not coming out. She being staying in my house she doesn't have min courtesy or manners to even say hi or ask abt my health. She doesn't talk to my mom also. She always stays in another bed room and my mom has to call her for meals. She just comes out, have meals and again back to another room. She doesn't help my mom even in small things like arranging plates on table etc...everything my mom has to do..

I can't understand how one can be so arrogant and head weighted staying in some others house...I really get angry seeing her face alone...I want to call my mil and tell her on how sil is behaving here but my husband is stopping me saying that it will only back fire you. My mil cannot support me against her younger dil becoz she is my mils brother daughter...so my husband is saying that they will make you only bad and asking me to leave it....but I am unable to ignore these recent incidents of my BIL not helping when I am in hospital and that girl that even showing min respect to us and on top of it staying in our house with out helping mom...it's all getting on my nerves during this critical pregnancy phase..

Need all ur suggestions to handle that girl and make her and my BIL realise that respect is give and take policy and don't expect others to help when you are not ready to help them in needy state..I also want to convey my mil abt her rude and head weighted her younger dil is and convey that I don't entertain such ppl in my house going forward....

 

Thanks yellow mango...I tried speaking to my husband on this. My husband said BIL is looking for house and will soon move out once they find good one.
And he also saying not to raise anything now and create more issues..

Even though I am not happy for that girl staying here, I am kind of ok. But her attitude of not having min manners and not helping my mom is making me more furious in this state. She is too arrogant and very head weighted and doesn't care to answer my mom even if my mom initiates talk. I am not initiating talk from my end as I know how her attitude is...

Compromising and adjusting for sometime for ppl who are really helpful for us is possible and I can adjust for it. But adjusting myself for such ppl who don't care to help us when needed mostly is mainly hurting me...why should I adjust for such ppl after all who doesn't care when I am on hospital...

Coming to money, now a days we are saying that we have expenses as I have a daughter, her education, my medical etc and expenses will boom with new born..

 

Hi penpaal, thanks for ur suggestion..there are options for them to stay in PG or another close friends house of my BIL but my MIL suggested them to stay in our house. They have not called us and informed abt her stay. My mil called my husband and informed that they will come. My Mil feels offended if my sil stays in some others house even after having her elder son house in same city. She feels it as a prestige issue. I don't understand that how her prestige is more imp than my health condition. I can't talk to my Mil becoz she is very narrow minded and can never understand other point of view. For her, it is her decision and everyone has to follow it with out opposing. If we oppose , she will create lot of crying, black mail dramas at home and brain wash my husband which is where my husband is very afraid of it and wanted to avoid...

I have no option other than keeping her at home...but now main point is I want to make that girl and my BIL understand that if they want to stay here, learn min manners and respect towards others...and also she providing helping hands to my mom. She can't expect this as a hotel where she comes and stays in her room and doesn't help in any way..which is not acceptable. And secondly, I want to give a hint to my mil on how sil behaves at my home and we are not happy the way she is....but all this with out hurting them.