1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice
  2. What can you teach someone online? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice
  3. If someone taught you via skype, what would you want to learn? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice
  4. Liked anything that you read here? You may nominate it as the Finest Posts!
    Dismiss Notice

Very Good In Laws Albeit Unclean

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by ThanjavurPonnu, Jan 21, 2020.

  1. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    7,616
    Likes Received:
    22,881
    Trophy Points:
    440
    Gender:
    Female
    Op...if your in laws are good...they should continue to be good even if you try get them to clean up the act.

    Being forced to live with bedbugs and cockroaches is not a definition of a good life no matter how trouble free in laws are.

    Tackle it through your husband.
    If I were in your place ,I would clearly tell him that this is not something you can adjust to for life and there is no way way I would bring a child into the house till it is pest free.

    Leave sil's clutter but tackle the rest.
    Start by collecting everything that can be given to the kabari ....collect and dispose off old newspaper and all rubbish in the house that does not belong to sil .

    Get the maids to clean up.
    These days cockroaches can be removed with some gel that is stuck in places they frequent . This is easier than the bed bug problem.

    You can keep complaining of bed bug bites and ask for pest control.
    Put antiseptic in clothes wash ....at least yours . Put mattresses out in the sun and spray around the mattresses. Put cots out in the sun and spray them .

    Do not get pregnant while you are doing pest control.The chemicals are bad and so are the bedbugs and cockroaches.

    I don't think you live in a good household op. If your family was so good, they would not expect you to live with bedbugs and cockroaches.

    As for festivals....start at a smaller scale and see what you can manage .
    Infact do as much decluttering and cleaning using festival as an excuse.

    Keep your house pest free amd spray the common area that leads to your home ,every night or use the anti cockroach chalk to make rangoli there.

    At the same time ,tackle the problem at in laws place slowly ...specially during festivals.
     
    Last edited: Jan 21, 2020
  2. SGBV

    SGBV Finest Post Winner

    Messages:
    5,223
    Likes Received:
    10,256
    Trophy Points:
    438
    Gender:
    Female
    One of my maternal aunt died so early. So her husband and children lived with our grandparents after that.
    Our grandma, who was nearly 70 that time had very little energy to cook and clean the house. In addition, she looked after these children who were less than 10 by then.
    With the help of a part time maid, the family went on to live a normal life in the next 2 decades. The kids reached university, got married and moved on.

    Why I remembered their household is that, they also lived in a similar environment like your in laws' house. When the woman of the house died, and her role was taken up by a much elderly woman this is what happens.
    House cleaning, personal hygiene and neatness takes the backseat naturally. It is not their fault.

    Since they live in such a set up for long, it doesn't bother them. So, wanting to change doesn't come naturally.

    All you can do is to control your H in this regard. Make him understand that it is essential to clean the house and make it pest free.
    Hire domestic helpers, and start the cleaning process on your own. Don't wait till he comes or gives you permission.

    Throw all the old items, which you think are infected. Old papers, old books, old cloths etc..etc...
    Change the curtains, change the sofa covers, bed covers etc..etc...
    It is great if you could invest a little on replacing all these items with new items. Even if you can't replace all at once, you still have to dumb the infected old items at once for a cleaner house.
    It takes at least 2 full days to clean them... Then do a white wash/painting to refresh it.

    Dont bother about your FIL's house for now. Just have the needful care on how to avoid pests to your place from there.
    Like someone mentioned, have bed covers, sofa covers, and other plastic covers readily available. So that you can wash or dry clean them often to avoid frequent infections.

    What if the downstair house is not your FIL's but someone's else? You would still visit them occasionally and chances are high that you could catch these pests. But could you demand them to use pest control or cleaning? Nope.
    Consider them similarly. You can't control them. But can control what is under your control.
    So, make plans as to how best you could avoid pests coming to your home from theirs.
     
    ThanjavurPonnu and anivijay like this.
  3. Srama

    Srama Finest Post Winner

    Messages:
    9,194
    Likes Received:
    9,681
    Trophy Points:
    438
    Gender:
    Female
    @ThanjavurPonnu ,

    You are newly married and seem to be blessed with a loving family. Is it possible for you to propose to get the whole house painted and in the process eliminate unwanted stuff and reorganize everything? I know it is not an easy task but it certainly gives a chance to start decluttering - you can ask each of them to do their rooms. As for festivals even if you feel a little overwhelmed if that is what is you want to do, you should - you have the cook to help you with the cooking anyways. If they also see that you are coming from a good place, they will start adjusting to what you want too....perhaps they feel too overwhelmed or may not know better.
     
  4. shyamala1234

    shyamala1234 Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    2,226
    Likes Received:
    2,739
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    Dear Thanjavurponnu,
    When something new is introduced first people rebel, then observe, then accept and finally follow. They would not want to go back. So....first they may not like your idea of pest control, decluttering etc. But once when they see the result they would not want to back to their old ideas. Who would not like a clean house??? Do not argue with them....just do what you want to do. Put a chart in every room about bad effects of bugs and cockroaches. Ultimately they would fall for it. A little patience is needed. Do not say you want to change them...including your DH. People do not like to be told. Ego comes in the way. Just do.
    Syamala
     
    ThanjavurPonnu and sindmani like this.
  5. startinganew

    startinganew Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    243
    Likes Received:
    405
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi @ThanjavurPonnu -

    Even for a person without an OCD - it is going to be very hard to make peace with a home that is infested with insects.

    In addition to the cook, do your ILs have someone to help them clean everyday? I would say start small - with the big project that lies ahead of you.

    If you're a working woman, could you try to overlap half an hour when the cleaning person comes in everyday? If you work inside the home then it may be more convenient to overlap with them. Can you pay the person extra and ask them for extra half an hour of their time everyday. In addition to the sweep and mop helper is doing - the home has gotten to this state - because the person (and/or previous helpers) haven't probably been supervised/instructed all these years for some reason (might as well be because of what others mentioned).

    You could ask the helper to do 1 corner or item of the home everyday. Say TV shelf - bring all things out, wipe down with soap and water/diluted dettol, allow it to dry fully and then load back only the essentials. Addressing the insects without cleaning out the home will be futile - as you've already seen after the first round of pest control. Starting small and making some progress everyday will also help keep your sanity.

    With regards to cockroaches, even if you get rid of the ones inside the home, you need to find the source of how they get it and fix that (kitchen sink hole, toilets drain pipes, doors/windows from neighbors).

    I have had to deal with a bed bug infestation at my home during my University days (bringing in random furniture from other students). We *had* to get rid of mattress - prerequisite by the bedbug pest control guys. Every piece of clothing had to be kept of the home - washed and dried and stored in huge air-tight ziplock bags - during the treatment at home. Perk of this operation: I slept on the floor for many, many years after that and still prefer it to sleeping on a bed :)

    Think of it this way - your arrival to their home is going to be the change that is needed for this one aspect. One caution though - don't propose anything to SIL's stuff: it's her home and will definitely not bode well with her.
     
    Rihana likes this.
  6. Rihana

    Rihana Finest Post Winner

    Messages:
    9,735
    Likes Received:
    24,042
    Trophy Points:
    440
    Gender:
    Female
    A few times when you guys are getting romantic and the lights are dim, suddenly jump out of the bed or sofa screaming about bugs. You should be shaking in terror, jumping up and down, pulling away all the sheets and frantically moving furniture around. Run from switch to switch and turn on all lights at the maximum brightness. Lean out of the window and take deep, gasping breaths. As you start to calm down, say that you see them everywhere now. You feel them on your skin. Rub vigorously and scratch your arm when you say this. Invite him to "see" the bug.

    After a few such interruptions to amorous moments, maybe your husband will stop suggesting that you should get used to those living conditions.
     
    Radhai likes this.
  7. Amulet

    Amulet IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    2,737
    Likes Received:
    4,472
    Trophy Points:
    308
    Gender:
    Female
    There was once a daughter-in-law who got into "open carry" behavior with a Flit pump, and she sprayed everything, everybody, everywhere in the house.

    hahaha......Rihana's suggestion the oldest trick to spur the man into whatever you want. Should work really well with newly weds.
    Lysistrata - Wikipedia
     
  8. SunPa

    SunPa Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    838
    Likes Received:
    1,922
    Trophy Points:
    263
    Gender:
    Female
    ROLF imagining this :)

    Love this suggestion! Do this girl !!
     
  9. mangaii

    mangaii Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,050
    Likes Received:
    1,192
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    Is this arranged marriage or love marriage ? Did you or your parents had a chance to visit your H household before marriage ? I understand this might be something you cannot compromise but considering you have ocd how did you accept for this proposal . Unfortunately for this kind of problem everyone in the house should come on board otherwise they keep coming back . You either let it go or build a residence next to existing house . If possible ask a third party to let your H family know about the health issues related to pest .
     
  10. Amulet

    Amulet IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    2,737
    Likes Received:
    4,472
    Trophy Points:
    308
    Gender:
    Female
    Do ultrasonic pest eviction gadgets (that one simply plugs into a wall socket) actually work ? The OP @ThanjavurPonnu should buy a bunch, and do a comparative experiment across a few samples.

    If she were to evict all the pests from her rooms to her in-laws' rooms successfully, and keep them off, she could introduce the scheme to the whole household, and evict them to find some other family to infest.

    https://www.amazon.in/s?k=ultrasonic+pest+repeller&ref=nb_sb_noss_2
     
    ThanjavurPonnu likes this.

Share This Page