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Verbal Fight and sex life

Discussion in 'Intimacy' started by Sunny3, Jan 25, 2010.

  1. coolphani

    coolphani Bronze IL'ite

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    GIJoe,

    Yes, I always explain it to him (when things are back to normal)
    why he was being denied when we have a fight.

    I tell him I am in no mood and unless am emotionally comfortable I can't do the act.

    He says I do it as a sort of revenge which is not true at all.

    I am the one talking and explaining and he just sits and listens or atleast pretends that
    he does. I am very open with him and recently he started opening up but he needs to work on it.

    Nowdays when we fight he tries to ask me for it politely sometimes but not always like he did previously.
    I see signs that he is realizing but he needs to understand completely why he was been denied


    Tridev,

    I think he is sort of the passive aggressive type. He demands certain stuff which I feel is
    very unfair, I explain it to him why it's unfair. Offer to do it with slight modifications
    He seems to agree and we patch up etc. Later on in the least expected moment he executes his revenge
    strategy.It really hurts when he ditches me when I trust him with something.

    Ex: During our initial days of marriage. He asked me to cook for his friends when I was sick.18 dishes fresh from the stove. I told him I need help since I am not a good cook and 18 for a couple is too much so I told him I would do probably 9. He thought over it said ok and all that. He didn't help me in the kitchen but I managed. I left my high-paying job in FL, sold my car and moved down to live with him in VA. The next day I had a Dr's appt.Just when we thought we were running late for the Appt my DH disappeared and never came back. I needed him to give me a ride because I had no car. His reason he forgot that I had an appt and went to the temple. Excuse me ?? How can he forget in seconds??? I re-booked the Aptt. and somehow made it by calling a cab.

    No, we don't have any kids. Even though I am desperate to have one I feel our relationship needs a lot of work before we can even think of a baby.I keep telling him the same thing which I did before we got engaged. ThatI hate a broken marriage and I don't want to have one. I am always the talkative one in the marriage and always have long talks with him about what's wrong in our marriage and why it needs work. He knows I don't give up on anything very easily.He always brings up the divorce issue and I always reply back saying if that's what he wants am ok with it and I won't come begging after him because there is no point. I did walk out once during the intial days and my parents brought me back from the hotel and he didn't even budge an inch from where he was sitting. After that I never walked out.

    He has changed to some extent and I think he might change a lot if he leaves his ego aside.He knows I don't trust him with anything major because he ditches me with the minor stuff. Unfortunately I told him his time is running out and he has 2 yrs before I just walk out one day and never come back if he doesn't treat me like his wife. He has started to change but he has a very long way to go. I can't think of having a kid with a person whom I can't trust both on the financial and emotional side of the relationship
     
    Last edited: Jan 31, 2010
  2. Malavika81

    Malavika81 Bronze IL'ite

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    I think lot of you are missing out on angry make up sex LOL One of the best kind of sex. It gives you an outlet for the anger and focus all that anger on hot, passionate sex and sweat it out and by the time you are done, you both have cooled off. If you have not tried it yet, I highly recommend that you do and channel all that negative energy from anger into enjoyable sex :)
     
  3. adara

    adara Bronze IL'ite

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    Malavika:

    It just does not work for us. DH has tried but NO it does not. I cannot respond. I just can't.
    Dh tries to convert it into sex but if I am hurt, I am.....thats it.
    I have made it clear to him in the earlier years of marriage.
    I cannot have that temporary escape with hurt feelings not resolved.
    No amount of any thing can relieve my stress until I vent my feelings out and usually it will be by giving piece of my mind and if he is wrong he HAS to apologise. Then my emotions flow uncontrollably but not otherwise.
     
  4. chocolate

    chocolate Platinum IL'ite

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    I dont usually indulge in it if we had a fight before. My husband too understands it to some extent and doesnt ask for it. Its kind of an unwritten rule in our marriage.Even if one of us is not in mood we dont do it.
    I personally feel carrying the fight to indulging in sex wud be a very bad idea. It wud be 2 angry people trying to do something as relaxing as sex only in an angry mood. That will not make it relaxing but more like a fist fight. Not a good idea according to me.
     
  5. Malavika81

    Malavika81 Bronze IL'ite

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    Yea I can understand if it does not work in some cases especially if you want everything to be hunky dory before sex. When we have little conflicts or disagreements, make up sex always works and we can usually talk to each other with cool heads prevailing, right after the sex because we expended all that negative energy in sweating it out LOL And I am always in a pleasant mood after hot and dirty sex:rotfl I think in our case, our minds are so crystal clear after sex and we usually are the most rational the moments after a nice sex session LOL For those of you who have not tried it, you should atleast give it a try once and see how you feel after, in my opinion :)
     
  6. nkekm

    nkekm New IL'ite

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    Hi dear

    you are right if our mind and body in a good mood then only we can enjoy the sex and can happy by both
    nkekm
     
  7. SallyR

    SallyR Silver IL'ite

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    I completely agree with Malavika...would highly recommend it!
     
  8. beerbal

    beerbal Silver IL'ite

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    Yes. There is that special thing about being somewhat aggressive towards each other (at the start) and (somehow) being less inhibited actually adds to the spice. A byproduct is getting closer to each other after it. I also say try it. It may take your relationship to a higher level.
     
  9. Mom2499

    Mom2499 Senior IL'ite

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    I agree too but it will also depend upon the nature of the conflict. When we were newly married, after a conflict, I would not want to be anywhere near him and I would move from the bed on to the couch and he will not allow me to sleep on the couch because of my hurting back. But he will tell me, "We were both just very tired dear, you see in the morning, we are both going to forget about it. Just go to sleep but don't leave the bed, You are my wife." :kissWith that I hug him and fall asleep next to him and the conflict is totally forgotten for the moment because of his assuring words. Sometimes we have made love right after a disagreement only because we know within our hearts that we belong to each other and we love each other deeply. It is very healing and yes intimate times happen during these special moments. So, I agree with you!!!:iagree
     

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