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Verbal Fight and sex life

Discussion in 'Intimacy' started by Sunny3, Jan 25, 2010.

  1. moncy

    moncy New IL'ite

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    Oh I cannot even imagine having sex after a fight. For me I have to be true to myself. So cant just act ! But thats just me. Hats off to those of you who can ! :thumbsup
     
  2. Happysoul1234

    Happysoul1234 Gold IL'ite

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    I cannot and WILL not have sex with DH if he has pissed me off in any manner. Thankfully he is the kind who does not force himself on me, many of my friends tell me that some DH's do that. My BF had her 4th c-section in mid-december and her husband started complaining 2 weeks later that he was not getting any :bang
     
  3. coolphani

    coolphani Bronze IL'ite

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    My DH is shameless when it comes to asking for it after a fight. He expects me to give in and lie down enjoying it. Well, I don't agree with him on the point that he can rip me off in front of his parents or treat me like s*** and it's not ok to carry the grudge into the bedroom. When we fight , he says he'll be divorcing me etc etc and he says that he has nothing to do with me from that point on and the very next hr he comes begging for it.
    I get pissed off, I don't want to even look at him on one of those days. I feellike kicking him out of the house and from my life.Whenever we fight I take the bed or the couch and give him no chance to snug in beside me. I lock the door or just occupy the entire bed/couch leaving him no place. He doesn't force me because if he does he knows he might get into serious trouble. Shameless to the core :rant
     
  4. Sunny3

    Sunny3 New IL'ite

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    Thanks everybody for stepping up to this thread.
    It is understood and also quite normal that it is indeed very hard to leave all that upset mood outside the bedroom door but hats off to people who do that.

    Right!!! But this is generalization.
    Please tell us about yourself.
     
  5. Tridev

    Tridev Silver IL'ite

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    I think he shouts and yells in front of his parents, because of power struggle, to look good in the eyes that he is controlling, second aspect can be that he has tried to explain you in their absence about certain things that lead to argument and you proabably are not able to control doing same thing to piss him off in front of his parents or whoever..

    However saying he is going to divorce after a heated argument and next hr asking for it , seems bit strange to me, some kind of disorder...or in a way, dominating personality..(passive aggresive type).


     
    Last edited: Jan 31, 2010
  6. coolphani

    coolphani Bronze IL'ite

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    Tridev,

    If you don't mind can you elaborate on the dominating personality ( passive-aggressive type)??

    He rarely explains anything to me and I feel that's the main reason for our arguments. He has the bad habit of assuming that I know what he expects from me and I told him several times that I have no clue.He has this very bad temper and looses his logical thinking during our arguments. When he sees that the mistake is from his side which is 99% of the time, he starts going very very personal. Come on now if you have a problem with me rip me apart, what did my parents do? The stuff he says about my family is so bad I loose it and just go into my room and lock the door and cry my eyes out.He doesn't like this. He wants me to continue with the fight. I think he has a problem with me being independent (which he says is the main reason why he has issues with me) but I can't help it. If he wants me to be financially and emotionally dependent on him he has to make me feel secure in this relationship. I don't see him working on this:spin

    How can I trust a person whose mom is asking him to divorce me and he himself says it whenever we fight and says he wants to go back to India and have nothing to do with me??? I feel lost sometimes:drowning
     
  7. GiJoe

    GiJoe Silver IL'ite

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    Have you ever tried to explain to him that sex is not just a physical activity, its also emotional? He has to find a balance, every couple fights but saying things like divorce is extreme, you guys have to have a open talk and you have to let him know how you exactly feel when he fights with you.
     
  8. Tridev

    Tridev Silver IL'ite

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    Coolphani
    I feel bad for your situation... indeed. With passive-aggresive personality what I mean is first a person will request, show a needy face, if there is refusal, or little resentment, then that person will show the aggresive , ugly and true face....
    For e.g if a wife wants to stay at her mom's place for 2 months, first she will request, also try to convince in every way to her DH, lets say the DH says no, the wife would then become abusive, angry, revengeful, that is aggresive...
    This was just an e.g, same may apply if your DH is demanding something from you with a request, but if not met, shows a angry and ugly face , using bad words etc
    That is what is passive-aggresive behavior....
    What I feel is a relationship that is going bad ,and is broken, if something is not done to repair it, then divorce is immenent or even in some cases worst...
    With every new fight with your Dh you will see you are losing your respect in his eyes and vice versa...your DH saying you that he wants to divorce you after each fight is a sign of weakness, this I can tell 100% , if he wanted to divorce you, he would have done it and not said....That does not mean he is not thinking on those lines, he is thinking , but he is not gathering the courage to do it....
    If you walk out one day, he will come behind you , to convince to come back,there is a high possibility, looking at what you described....but that would also not mean life will change for good. Things may still repeat the same way....
    In anger a person wants to hurt the other person, and like you said that he can rip you apart, he also may know that, and he knows that talking bad about your parents in really demeaning way, will hurt you most... that is why he does that.....I hope you see my point of view... he having bad temper, wanting you to continue fighting is not a good sign...
    if you do have kids or don't, evaluate your relationship seriously

     
    Last edited: Jan 31, 2010
  9. Tridev

    Tridev Silver IL'ite

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    For her DH, its not emotional, for men its physical .... when he is abusing his wife, dominating her, how is he going to think of her emotional readiness, he will think of his need ...its wierd to expect a person to behave rationally in one aspect of married life, knowing that the person is completely irrational in all other aspects......

     
  10. Meenamohan

    Meenamohan Silver IL'ite

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    Dear friends,

    I would agree with you all in the sex after fight issue.
    To us is the way of showing our love for each other and we respect eachother's feelings and emotions. Esply myself I am very sensitive and cant handle too much stress so my DH will step in and say word .... thats it I will shut myself up. and He would just give me the time to think and then stablize until then no bed sharing ... but definetely he will talk to me about anything and everything ... and when i am cooling off he would say did you realise? Thats it then the fights will all vanish in a jiffy.

    I wonder how men think its all physical when it comes to sex ... then rather they can go to any call girl than get in to the family affair and kill the spouse..... KILLING FEELINGS IS WORSE THAN A MURDER .... WE BOTH STRONGLY FEEL IT THIS WAY.


    so COOLPHANI,

    As Tridev said speak out and find a best way before it gets worse.
     

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