Feel lost and depressed I am 35 yrs old married living with father in law mother in law and grand mother in law. It was a intercast love marriage. I am struggling for infertility since 8 yrs now. Married since 11 yrs. My father died due to illness within a month from my marriage. I have a elder sister and mother. All my wedding preparation is done by me and my mother as my father was ill since 2 yrs and sister had second baby of 1 month. After my father died my mom insisted me to stay at in laws place while i wanted to be with her. Then we had plans about many of my first year celebation which all vanished dud to father health. I was doing a small teaching job and my husband was not yet settled properly. He was also in teaching Field and then he switched to IT field. It took 4 yrs so we started planning for child late. With all possible treatment it was not happening. Then he got onsite offer and we went to abroad for 10 months. I was not comfortable there as i am habitual of many people around me and also was very depressed to leave my college job and treatment. After returning we again did manh more treatment still no use. I even tried for 2 yr gap from job still no use. At home all are very dominating nature. Father in law is very strict. He thinks he is the perfect person on planet while mother in law thinks she is best cook. All decisions are taken by them. Nobody cares about my problems. Even nowadays husband also ignores me. Whenever i am at home i feel like suicide or running away. Somedays i dont even want to listen their voice. I was not at all like this. I am originally very talkative person good looking with smiling face. I even cleared bank exam by doing all household chores and job but unfortunatly got posting too away from home. I was worried to leave home and my mother as i am one who looks after her bills. Shd has her pension but she shares every aspect with me and not my sister. I am emotional support for my mother but never vice versa. She loves me but never shows it properly. She gives money but not attention. Shd never calls me to ask how i am. While i call her everyday. My sister also loves me a lot. But she always used me and my mom as care taker for her children. She has thrown tantarums whole life and still does. She is always unsatisfactory about not giving her proper attention and not giving enough gold in her marriage I have a sister in law too. Younger by me. Works in IT. Now married.having 2 yr old baby. I always got feeling that my in laws used me for all chores. Even for sis in law marriage functions we prepared everything at home. It was hectic but nobody appreciated my efforts. Even when she was at our home after delivery, my mother in law got fracture in leg and i was working so i used to leave house at 8 am by completing all lunch n all duties used to return home and do house cleaning all other chores and big indian dinner. It was hell. I really don't know how i survived that without any proper support. I feel very lonely as i cant express feelings at my mother or sister. I do have very good colleagues but still cant express all. Sister in law lives nearby so comes at our home very frequently and is extremely dominant like her father. I just cant tolerate her. She sits for her work in room and me and mother in law look after her baby. She also has tantarums and issues about not giving her enough gold. She says it every time she visits. We actually spend lots of money gave a reception on big garden gave her lots of household items still she is not satisfied. I am ded up of her and my sister. They just dont understand feelings of others. Why i need to tolerate them. When i see my in laws giving lots of love to sister in law baby i feel angry and sad too. If i had a baby may be the feeling will be different. I try not to get jealous but actually i am. She got more decent people and more respect and lovely kid. While i lost my career and baby dream. Now i dont have any courage left in me to start my career again. I want to stop running away from problems and get back to become my self on pleasant note. I just wanted to vent out this some place but i am open to suggestions on how you remained calm and composed during tough time. How you started your career again. How you stay happy always. I even tried doing meditation but its not clearing my mind. I do a bit of gardening but no major other hobby as i am a human slave kind at home.