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Venting out - a bit annoyed

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Chapra, Apr 5, 2014.

  1. Chapra

    Chapra Platinum IL'ite

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    Friends, will make my vent short. Went to India for BIL wedding and came back. Ours is a joint family and therefore, our contribution towards constructing a house on in-laws name (last year) and BIL's wedding (last month) is considerable. We already have an idea to bring in-laws here next summer. Not this year as we have already spent too much on the travel, shopping, wedding, etc., All in a sudden, BIL said that PILs want to come here in a couple of month's time. I myself wanted them to come and not this soon as we have to spend money on their travel again...... Not only that, we need to change our car as our existing car wouldn't be sufficient for all of us. I see expenditure everywhere!

    As we are the ones who has to spend now, I atleast needed them to check with us before planning their trip. My hubby is their son, at the end of the day!

    Please be nice to me. Am definitely not a bad DIL and its not that I dont want them to come. I just need some time. I haven't even settled here after coming back from India. Think this is just too early.
     
    Last edited: Apr 5, 2014
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  2. guesshoo

    guesshoo IL Hall of Fame

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    No. What you feel isn't wrong. Even if it were not financial and it were merely an emotional breather you need, you are entitled to that.

    What does your husband say? Talk to him clearly and simply say, much as you would have loved to bring them over here, you need to sort out certain things before you can invite them. Suggest summer will be over by then, hence next year is more practical.

    say it calmly, politely and firmly. All the best
     
    3 people like this.
  3. HeartHealer

    HeartHealer Guest

    Hi Chapra,

    As far as I can say, your husband will never show his present financial situation to his parents and ask them to not come over. No son does that, ideally.

    Giving them the clue that you're not that financially sound at the moment is similar to giving them an idea that right now you cannot afford them.

    This might make them feel that they're causing a financial burden on you, which no parents would want. And if, they don't come to your place owing this reason, your husband would feel emotionally really bad.

    So, as far as my thinking goes, don't interfere on this, though how much right you may be in your reasons.

    Also, parents are not coming up to enjoy there with you, but, because they are perhaps, feeling "lonely" or wanting to be with their son.

    So, let the things go. Yes, you may have financial burdens, but its also temporary. Things will improve in no time, be assured. Please don't let this money thing come between a son and his parents. Trust your husband and talk to him.
     
    2 people like this.
  4. bhuvnidhi

    bhuvnidhi IL Hall of Fame

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    I do not know if it is different being a son and a daughter.I had a similar situation but my parents were about to come here.I called up and explained them the scenario and they understood it very well.They said they would pay for themselves which my hubby denied (as he thought it is his duty to pay for them).As soon as our crisis was over, we sponsored their trip here promptly.

    I think communication is the key.You would know your in-laws better.And your hubby would know his parents even better.Let him communicate the situation in a nice way.May be he can say that he would be able to spend time with them if they come later?????
     
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  5. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    How about BIL sponsoring their trip? He is also their son.
     
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  6. pinky2cute

    pinky2cute Platinum IL'ite

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    Yes, bil can sponser the trip. He too has responsibility for his parents, right?.

    First of all you should talk to your hubby and see what he thinks. Then have a proper discussion and come to a solution.

    I also think that telling truth about finances to inlaws is the correct option. But it should be told in a subtle and convincing way so that it doesnt hurt them.

    And yes, let your hubby to tell to your PILs whatever you both decide.
     
    Last edited: Apr 5, 2014
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  7. Chapra

    Chapra Platinum IL'ite

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    Thanks guesshoo, hearhealer, bhuvnidahi, yellowmango and pinky2cute in taking time to read my post and giving suggestions. Am definitely feeling lighter now :)

    Before creating this thread, actually spoke with husband firmly and politely about how I felt. Again, spoke to him today, didnt try to rub my opinions on him but tried to convey my views. He assured me that he would speak with his parents and brothers but would leave the decision making with them. Felt that is what the best he could do and it makes sense too.

    Will update you on what happens next.

    I knew I could count on my IL friends when I feel low! Thanks to you all.
     
  8. Chapra

    Chapra Platinum IL'ite

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    BIL agreed to give 1/3rd of the ticket charges but we can't touch it..... It goes to PIL....Hope you can understand how things work in joint families ;)
     
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  9. darmesh

    darmesh Platinum IL'ite

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    You are lucky, bhvnidhi, because , your parents understood your problem , when explained. They are your parents, NOT IN-LAWS !

    Often, with in-laws, even with the best intentions and best communications also, misunderstanding does arise and harsh feelings do set in. This inevitability has to be understood, after all.
     
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  10. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    The in laws are also the husband's parents.How is that they don't understand their son's problem? Why does it become the DIl conspiracy?
     
    7 people like this.

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