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Venting It Out

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Angela123, Mar 22, 2021.

  1. Angela123

    Angela123 Gold IL'ite

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    Fellow ILs,
    IL has been a tremendous support in my mental health this last year. I appreciate everyone who wrote in whenever they could. Life has been busy with a new born and getting back to work (in person), I was not able to keep up with anything.

    I am going to just vent it out. I felt I am stressed to maximum until last week. Well, there were more to come. LO came down wth a fever, and H and I held her taking turns while being cranky. an hour later we found our basement flooded from a broken sump pump. Carpet area and walls soaking wet. Dealing with that now. Yelling matches on who takes care of what.
    Forward to Sunday night, H and I argue on DD's academic/activity performance, this is not a usual argument, it went from heated argument to listing out who attended what. I thought she is doing great, with everything going on. He believes she is not doing good, and will never do good unless we push her hard. I dont want to push her and I will not push her. To me she is good in so many things, have improved quite a bit in what she was lacking. For ex, she was in 60-75 percentile in the reading and writing, where as recently she is been 85-90 percentile. I work with her for most of her school work, other peer issues, and H helps out when he is not busy.

    Back home, my dad has been ill last year, still ill. Mom is being harder person than usual to work with. Call them every weekend, she won't ask a word, but listen to everything I tell dad and rely that to MIL.
    MIL was doing good, but a few weeks back started having chemo sessions for her cancer. Hospital and her care is taken care of. But we are dealing with drama from her, BIL and wife - on money. not to us, but between MIL-Son-Son's wife. They call us, one this did, mom did that and expect us to resolve.

    Work has been great. But i take 1.5 hr of pumping break (2-3 sessions), so i am being paranoid of my manager not being happy with my performance and i feel he is not giving as much as responsibilities as I am capable of. I should be happy to have a lighter plate, but I am not able to.

    On the personal side, I am struggling with my post partum hair loss, breastfeeding issues and a baby who doesn't sleep through the night yet. I started exercising regularly which used to make me feel great before the baby, instead I am tired all day everyday. I feel i became very old in a year. I was diagnosed for borderline postpartum depression.

    Thank you for reading.
     
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  2. Hopikrishnan

    Hopikrishnan Platinum IL'ite

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    Unusually excessive noise/sound is one surefire way to tell that a sump-pump is going to quit soon. You can read the complete list of other symptoms: Link
    [ clicking "like" never seems appropriate when someone is venting or complaining about something unfortunate]
     
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  3. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    :hello:
    “You are what you think” is the saying by psychologists and monks. You are aware What one thinks more often about a thing goes into deep subconscious and accordingly mind programmes his or her body. Put huge positive thoughts so that negative thoughts stored in already overflows out.. out.....

    :hello:
    I endorse.

    Thanks and Regards.
     
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  4. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Platinum IL'ite

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    Dear you’re overloaded with responsibilities, looking after a baby and a kid, and a full time job along with household and academic activities of the elder kid. Since schools are closed it’s an added work of supervising the child’s entire curriculum,.no wonder you feel old and have post partum depression. Pls get adequate paid help and support...
    You require supplements for your hair loss as you’re also BFing and pumping milk and suffering from fatigue due to lack of sleep and more more work.., do check with your doc.
     
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  5. Angela123

    Angela123 Gold IL'ite

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    Haha! yelling matches is between the H and I.
     
  6. Angela123

    Angela123 Gold IL'ite

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    This is where I struggle. House chores - i can get paid support, everything else which needs me in person is driving me insane now. I have never felt this lost in my life. On top of this I have a Board exam coming up.
     
  7. SunPa

    SunPa Platinum IL'ite

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    There's a lot on your plate right now, and you are doing a great job of handling as much as possible. Go a little easy on yourself. Young mothers are the most over worked creatures on earth.
    On personal care- you need sleep first , and fresh air, If exercise makes you tired , it is probably best to cut back or pause for now. Go for walks with family. Try to stick to a generally healthy diet, and stop snacking ( easier said when there are kids around). If you can carve out sometime for your self every week, that would be great. Take help if and when you can, let some work slide, slacking at times is good for the soul

    I personally feel you are right about not pushing your daughter too hard. Differences in parenting is not easy- since both parents genuinely want the best. Talk to your DH on a quieter time and come to an understanding. Dont forget you are one team. I remember in a similar phase I would feel so much angst that it took a lot of effort to remind myself that we were one team, our main intentions were sincere.
    There is only so much you can do for your parents and in laws. Let them vent, they need an ear, ideally go far a walk when you are talking with them, that way you may be able to destress before entering home . Or take a break, and go for a walk and get it a little out of your system.
    Remember to smell the roses. Children grow-up so fast, cherish the joys, soak in the moments, be grateful for your blessings. Life may not be perfect, far from it , but the beauty is , it doesnt have to be.

    This is only temporary, things get better. As the kids get older , you will get younger. And later you will even nostalgically miss these chaotic days.
     
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