vent vent vent- long post

I am married for 4 years now. For 2 years been in India with my Mil and then shifted to US.

I have no FIL , he passed away when my husband was in 12th std in an accident. He has a elder brother who shifted to US and living here for some 15 years(2 yrs after fIL died).Has helped the family He also did not save anything until marriage in his name but had acquired lands in MIL's name.

After marriage , it was a love marriage of 10 yrs, struggled to get permission from his mother .My dad stepped in to make my marriage. Because of MIL and SIL insecurities I had hell a lot of problems. My parents couldn't come home to visit often , Whenever I wanted to go to my sis house nearby , I had problems. My husband did not handle the problems maturedly and on my part , I was too clingy on my sister.Had a miscarriage in 2 yrs.

My husband has worked for past 10 years and did not have any savings at all till marriage.Every single penny was spent on his family. He has a sister,husband central govt employee, with two kids. Has helped her with some 6 or 7 lakhs to build a house .Made jewelry for the daughter etc.She has also got a land with BIL's help. Car without loan -I don't know whose money.It did not stop after marriage also.But it was I who supported getting small gifts now and then(was naive then ).Mil liked to have power of money at home - She was given money every month by Hus for house expenses , for other expenses also -she demanded money now and then ,total chaos in money handling. I was also working then so did not make a big issue.


After shifting to US, went to BIL's house. I found the BIL to be a nice person but knows where to draw line..Co-sister and me started talking , I found that she too had problems with MIL(Mil Stayed for 6 months here when co-sis got her son) and SIL .I trusted her , felt that she was strong headed and a clear thinker.I admired her ways. They are well settled now(as you see I am not so I admired) . She was carrying last year , around that same time I too carried again(she was one month ahead of me) and we bonded well.I had problems with Sil meanwhile coz she had crossed the boundary too much and the first time I stood for myself ,MIL and Sil very angry -Sil and me stopped talking. I miscarried in 6 months was diagnosed with a problem in 2 months- we were devastated. Hell broke loose.

Co-sis called to offer her condolences( death brought a change in me , was detached , was grounded). I could see that she was putting words to find out what had happened - how I miscarried.I hated her for that. I stopped calling her.

Again she called , she knew I was to have a surgery , wanted to know about it , if MIL was coming etc . I spoke nicely but was not interested.

Again she called , my parents were to come for my surgery , but cancelled bcoz father had a attack(should have heard from her hus) .
She asked " how are things going with you".
I said so-so .
she said " My father fell down from 2 wheeler "
I was sympathetic " o my god what happened - I was really drawn by her manipulation ,she changed her words " o nothing nervous breakdown , old age -you know"
without realising I blurted all my problems - what my father suffered and I don't have support now during surgery.
she said" If you want I will come" (she has a five year old son and 5 month old daughter.)I started hating her more .

Again she called -said she is leaving to India for a vactaion.
When I think back- I feel I have fallen into the pit she dug many times.Have volunteered a lot of information .
Now and then she keeps reminding me that if not for her husband -their family wouldn't have made it. Agreed but

Now I feel like a loser.

Loved a man for 10 years - only to have my father run from post to pillar to get me married.My Dh couldn't convince the mother .
Now my relationship with him has improved , much better but still doubtful what would happen when MIL is with me.

Entered marriage with lot of dreams- Mil and Sil hurt me. DH also was not supportive .
I think I have learnt a lot of lessons , will stand up and fight my own battles- I hope to .With regard to co-sis , where do I draw the line?

career- I am 32 now , was working for 6 years - I hold a masters degree , I did my masters to buy time for marriage . Now in L2 visa -can work but sitting at home awaiting a surgery.I want to work but things are not clear right now.


children - I still think of the premature little girl I had for 2 hours- She will be in heart and head until I die. My friend who had conceived recently told me God had helped her - It hurt me , what did I do ? to lose my child?
Tomorrow is my surgery - am so scared right now . Searching within me the brave girl I was once. Please pray for me to be blessed.