1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

Vent against husband....

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by sanjuruby3, Aug 4, 2015.

  1. sanjuruby3

    sanjuruby3 Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,385
    Likes Received:
    542
    Trophy Points:
    208
    Gender:
    Female
    For men easy to drop off mean - atleast my H I know, he will not wait for LO is mingle and be happy with others. And not look back once he leaves that she has no stopped crying and will leave their mind off LO once in care. But for me, its different, till I reach office, I keep thinking her cries. Then she is throwing up everyday because of crying after I leave which makes me go away very difficult.

    He is father of child that is why he is doing lot of work ofcourse. Other than bare minimum, he will no do. Nothing for child's development. Child for walk everyday..no .

    Tabs/smartphones playing his serials (not for baby but towards him) on dinner table..wow. He does not eat without tab/smartphone and will let food go cold till he finds that. Anyways I have given up on him ..but for LO, I want him to have good habits and good life.
     
  2. CrayoNess

    CrayoNess Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,223
    Likes Received:
    1,636
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    Have you thought of why your hubby turns to his tab? Yelling/nagging or some fun stuff on the tab.

    Regarding drop-off at daycare it is recommended (after introduction period) that you do it quite swiftly.
     
    2 people like this.
  3. sslkgpaa

    sslkgpaa Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    288
    Likes Received:
    327
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female
    Your story sounds just like mine when my 1st one was 9-15 months. Only I know how I crossed that time. Now I am working from home full time with two kids. And days pass on just normally.
    When my elder one was 3 weeks old my ILs left. I was alone so left the job. Days were going good. DH could concentrate on work and I would be totally involved with LO. All hell broke loose when my employer called me to know if I am available to join them back. I agreed to start work, my company agreed to give me flexible timing and WFH, DH agreed on helping me with household chores and we agreed over not putting DS in daycare till he is 2yrs old! Silly me!!. Every night it was like okay one more day passed. Though DH was kind to notice how much stressed I am but he could hardly do anything as he was not good in doing any of them (other than his office work). We started running short on time for everything and the difference between weekdays and weekends started to blur. Life was hell until my sister came to my house for a surprise visit. On her trip back to india she got my mom along with her(bless both of them!!). LO was 15 months old then. Mom took charge of kitchen and tending to DS when I am busy with work. Other things I would take care of. DH was again free to concentrate fully on his work. Mom was with us for 9 months and that is when I actually did justice to my employer, Really!! A month before she left we put DS in daycare. It was terrible! I would cry everyday. But somewhere back in my mind I had the confidence that if things go really bad today I can drop him back home and try afresh tomorrow. That helped!
    So few things I learnt all this while and would like to share with you.

    1. Get a help (yr mom yr H’s mom) till you can settle down with a routine.
    2. If that doesn’t work, get ur daughter out of daycare and hire a nanny. With that on WFH days you would be able to concentrate on work and on office days yr LO will have less change in environment and care.
    3. Ask yr H only to do things which he can do properly or are less priority like grocery/laundry/dishes/cleaning. Don’t touch those tasks again. Don’t expect perfection.
    4. Work in a room where you can sit on the table and chair (no pointed edges) and lot of free space for your kid to run fall (w/o getting hurt) and lot of engaging toys and a playpen.
    5. Don’t stress over what yr husband is doing. Fathers are not hardwired to care for small kids like mothers are, so basically the feeling doesn’t come naturally. Make peace with that. They can literally sleep with a crying child next to them, believe me!!
    6. Yr LO got through a lot of changes in a short duration. Being a “bad” toddler is her way of resisting that. Let her get back to normal. Don’t force her for anything. Keep offering food to her in every 1-2 hr interval instead of struggling for complete 1 hr to finish her feed. Keep lot of cut fresh fruits in fridge to use as snack when necessary. Kids like bite sized colorful fruit pieces, rather than mashed or in puree form.
    7. Take her out in a jogging stoller before sleep (exercise for you and fresh air for her). Don’t take yr H along.
    8. Make plain dal and rice and for subji use frozen pre-cut veggies and just do tadka for both dal and subji. Use pre-cut salad veggies for side and yogurt. This is our weekday menu.
    9. Once day is over don’t stress over what happened or what you missed. Just plan what/how you want to do tomorrow and sleep.
    Hope this helps!!
     
    4 people like this.
  4. sing

    sing Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    106
    Likes Received:
    81
    Trophy Points:
    68
    Gender:
    Female
    Firstly, "calm down", by being frustrated you aren't going to alleviate the situation.

    When you are hungry, you eat food, just about enough to satisfy hunger. Similarly if you are angry, first try to cool down, stop and think. Venting out merely spoils your health adding fuel into the raging fire.

    Let me see, you have a baby, day care hasn't been going well.

    First, if I am in your shoes, I will kick your husband doh1, pull his earphones off and drag him down to sit and discuss.

    Things fall into place naturally after deciding on what to do. Ask your neighbors on what they are doing in such a situation.


     
  5. viki123

    viki123 Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    361
    Likes Received:
    206
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Gender:
    Female
    Does she throw up when your DH drops. Her log period of crying could be because she is seeing you and want ur attention. I would suggest just hand her over teacher say a good by and leave. Call the teacher after 10 min and check how she is doing ?
     
  6. Udasgirl

    Udasgirl Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    81
    Likes Received:
    34
    Trophy Points:
    38
    Gender:
    Female
    How long is it been since your LO started day care ?? After initial week or so you need not wait too long while dropping - Just drop off - say Bye - Kiss LO and leave. I believe that is what ur husband is doing.. If he does not think/worry about LO all the time afterwards it is ok.. every person is different and that does not mean he care less for your LO.

    If ur husband is not spending any time on LO's development etc (same as my husband) just give him some of your tasks or cut down on cooking substantially and YOU focus on LO more (development wise)... That is what I did now at home I do minimum tasks but then my son is mostly with me and I teach him/read him/play with him...
     
  7. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    7,663
    Likes Received:
    23,148
    Trophy Points:
    440
    Gender:
    Female
    OP,as some one who has worked in a play school,I can tell you that all children eventually settle down. A hovering ,anxious mother makes it more difficult and longer for both the child, herself and the staff .

    I have seen many fathers drop of children ,I have seen couples take turn and and all are quite efficient with their drops and pick ups. Just because they do it differently does not mean that they are less efficient or care less.

    You don' t trust your husband's ability as a parent. You don't allow him to do something as simple as pick up and drop where professional staff are around to look over him and the child.Do you think you will be able to trust him to take the child to the park all alone ?He will be alone to supervise the child on on swings and see saw.Will you be able to trust him with his teaching methods?

    If you don't give him a chance, how will you know how good or bad he is? Do you think you are perfect with everything that you do for the child? No one is.
    He is the other half that made that child. Trust him to care for the child. Let him also take care the way he can and wants. He has the right to do so. Your child has the right to be taken care by a father in a way that may not be the same as the mothers.

    Here is something you can read.
    When mothers limit partner's involvement in child care - The Times of India
     
    4 people like this.
  8. sing

    sing Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    106
    Likes Received:
    81
    Trophy Points:
    68
    Gender:
    Female
    Those are words, they don't mean kicking somebody literally. No chance, such things happen only if both of them are really close.

    Take life as it comes, if you somebody you are responsible of and vice versa like spouses, you should be yourself, and look through each other's perspective, venting out and fighting doesn't go anywhere.

     
  9. nuss

    nuss Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,551
    Likes Received:
    2,970
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    OP- you got some really good suggestions. You and your H need to talk and have some rules to stick with. No phone/tablet on the dinner table (for H), no nagging (for you :)).
    1. Assign an area on a wall (kitchen may be) and either paint it with white board paint or put a big white board. Make a list of to-do for your H and yourself and let him cross his stuff on it.
    2. Instead of 3 full days, try 5 half days. One of you can drop and other pick her up. This will give you at least 4 hours of uninterrupted work time. Full time (5 days, 9-5) would be your best option.
    3. Care.com is a great place (personal experience) to find a nanny but you'll need to interview lot of people to find one whom you like and can trust. At least good thing in your case is-you and your H will still be at home when nanny takes care of the LO. You can ask her daycare staff if someone is willing to provide care at home. One of my son's daycare teacher also babysits in evenings and on weekends (never hurts to ask).
    4. Please limit screen time to 30' a day. She is too young for the screen. Instead get her a train set or doll stuff-whatever she is into.
    5. Arrange to take her to a park/ outdoor activity for an hour a day. Decide on alternate days. Your H takes her out 3 days, you take her out 3 days and one day you all go out as a family. She needs to run around and get tired.
    6. For your own peace of mind, stop nagging your husband. Give him a list of things to do (write down on that white board), sit back and relax (work).
    7. Call the daycare 30' after drop off to check on your LO. Most probably, she would be fine by then.

    Good luck!
     
    1 person likes this.

Share This Page