Vent against husband....

I think your child needs to go 5 days a week to daycare or you opt for a nanny.

She is still in initial phases at daycare , going there for sometime and then break for some time may be making It difficult for her .Send her couple of weeks full time giving her time to get accustmomed.

your Work situation also wil improve once your daughters care is set. You will need to have child care help if you work from home with such small kids . They need attention and you cannot provide that without help

Can you simplify lunch/diner/snacks till you all get Ito routine , think idlis , fruits , khichdi cooked for two times at once .


for adults breakfast can be cereals and get some ready made food or frozen food for few days .

 

Your best option is leaving the kid in a full day care and make your DH to drop/pick up the kid. It will reduce your stress level.

 

Kid is #1
Kid is #1
Kid is #1

Short-term for 2 (or more as per what happens) years : Quit your job.

But in these days of "why should I sacrifice my career because I was born with a different anatomy", I know this will raise eyebrows. But our DD/DS when they are young, needs us more than our company executives, and more than we need "to do justice to our educational qualifications, and our independence", and more than we need the few different items that a double-income provides.

Seriously, my advice is different than what prior posters have written , but anyway good luck.

 

Dear OP

I myself have gone through most of what you have written about ur hysband and here are my thoughts -

1. Do not expect husband to participate actively in LO's food, play, habbits, learning etc... rather you take leads on those fronts. I did same - my husband has never prepared/fed my son, never put him to sleep, never tought him anything, almost no/very little play time. I cribbed about it, fought with hybby and ended up in mess..
2. WFH and LO can't be managed once LO cross 6 month age.. so try WFH only when LO is at daycare
3. Children do take time to adjust at daycare and they cry a lot initially/don't eat, sleep etc.. this is very common.. she will get there slowly.. give her some time..
After sending her 3 days a week for about a month, try sending her fulltime (5 days) that way she will adjust quicker.
4. 1 year old can eat dal rice etc so only cook/take away subji/curry and cook plain dal and rice. you can use lebenese bread/frozen rotis. You can give LO dal+rice+little subji (which you make for yourselves). Similarly breakfast you can just go for milk+cereals varieties for all of you/Give grated apple to LO. In short try to spend minimum time on cooking food.
5. Pick and drop to daycare should be husband's duty. That is what my husband does.
6. Also bathing LO can be done by Hubby if he is ok.
7. You can send husband to grocery with LO (LO can sit in shopping trolly)/ask himn to take LO for drive for an hour- that way you get more time for yourself at home.
8. If possible assign night time duty to hubby fully/partially (that means you/him sleep in separate bedroom and take turns) - Only if LO wakes up frequently. My husband now sleeps with our Son and me in seperate bedroom
9. Vaccuming and some cleaning assign to husband

All the above will ensure that he does his bit in housework and you focus more on LO.

If he forget to do something like washing bottles etc, just do it yourself quickly rather than arguing..

 

Hi,

Can very well relate as we're in the same boat with husband working full time and me WFH as we changed country after my kiddo's birth. People say its great that you're working as well as can take care of baby. But its extremely difficult.. more as the kid started reaching milestones such as crawling, standing etc. I don't know if i can help as we're struggling also and i'm always read to fight with husband (due to exhaustion and frustration of not going out of home much etc.), he shows amazing patience even after coming home after working for 12 hours sometimes..!! Some pointers i can suggest-

1) Work on a routine for baby, for sleeping, eating etc. I've set her sleep timings, working on eating routine as of now. It'll help as kid would take minimum effort to put into sleep etc.
2) You can adjust her sleep timings as per your routine. eg. sleeping while you both have calls. It'll take some days to set it. but give it a try
3) Outsource some work to husband eg. Day care pick up and drop, feeding one meal eg. dinner. Husbands easily say the kid is not eating and the task again falls down to mother. But insist to try again and again even if it takes 1hr for him to feed the kid
4) Do not try to involve in every activity of baby..Keep an eye on her but ignore sometimes if she wants to come into your lap etc. Ignoring doesn't mean not taking care. Its just that promote to play with toys etc, while being in the same room.
5) Give different toys to kid every 10-15 minutes as they get bored very easily
6) Please DO NOT use short cuts like indulging the kid in tv etc. You can get her some interactive toys instead.
7) Try to do as much household chore on weekend and prepare in advance like cutting veggies etc. Try to involve husband

Personal advise- Do not think of leaving the job as this phase is temporary. Kid will settle down. And do not take frustrations on each other as its not going to help!

All the best.

PS- Please pass me some tips also..!!

 

Hello.....i can understand what you are going through. Its not only you who is facing this .....i think every working mom faces this......the child becomes more demanding once he start walking. The child can be sent to a play school around 2.5 years. He/she gets tired there and sleeps after coming back.I
In my opinion, You first take a week off from your office......it had to be complete off.....give time to your little one and YOURSELF......take rest when your baby is sleeping. Watch out what she likes .....when does she sleep and for how much time.
Love her and love yourself. She is your part and you can only understand her and train her.
Make her routine.......specially for sleep....make her sleep twice in a day.......morning after giving bath, feed her, love her patiently, make her comfortable and spend time on your tasks and be fast in completing your tasks. Finish them off until she wakes up. Similarly play with her feed her enjoy with her and again after few hours ....she will again sleep and this time you also sleep with her.
Give rest to your body and mind. Only then you will be able to concentrate on your work. You are the mother you have to make a routine of your child. It will give peace to both of you.
All the best. Love to the little one.

 

@Sanjuruby2
Hugs to you, I am in the same boat with my DH. They have all the time for friends, office work and other activities. But it we who need to be smart to get the work out of them. Talk to hi about what he is comfortable with and assign him that & say you need it done. Here is what i am doing to get organised.
1. No WFH with baby, one of us have to take vacation and other at WFH if DS needs to be at home.
2. Morning breakfast, lunch packing etc by me. DS brushing, bathing by him
3. I give my DS finger foods for BF so no running behind him. if he refused pack that for day care
4. For teacher, i give her notes as what to feed at what time and it goes in his lunch bag. While dropping no taking with teacher as she knows schedule is in bag. The less I spend with teacher in morning better for DS (no crying)
5. I come early, give DS bath, dinner etc. By that my DH is home, he takes DS for walk and i prepare dinner and next day lunch (simple stuff) and other works like veggie prep for next day my dinner etc.

 

OP,trust your husband to do the pick up and drops. Just write notes for the care taker.He will get better with time.

As for milk bottles,if your child drinks milk 3 times,have 4 bottles. If husband clears up the kitchen at night,tell him to clean the bottles that time so that you have them ready for the next day. A hungry child ,dirty bottles and a partner reluctant to take instant orders is a recipe for disaster.

Your husband seems like one of those people who doesn't mind helping,but in his own time and way. Use it to your advantage . Give him jobs that don't have to be done instantly,like clean up,making beds,getting groceries,laundry etc. Then you will have more time for things that need immediate attention.