1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice
  2. What can you teach someone online? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice
  3. If someone taught you via skype, what would you want to learn? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice

Vent against husband....

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by sanjuruby3, Aug 4, 2015.

  1. sanjuruby3

    sanjuruby3 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,065
    Likes Received:
    379
    Trophy Points:
    158
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi all,

    Every week 2 days I am highly frustated and this time I am finally coming here to vent.
    So I have started daycare for my LO - 1 yr for 3days/week. 3 days she is with us and we both work from home. She has recently become very naughty, demanding, clingy....has become fussy eater from a very good girl and stopped eating/drinking well. To make everything worse, she is not well. Either she is constipated or 3-4 times/day. She is not adjusting at daycare and cries the hell and throws up everyday after drop her off. Does not eat and drink from them.

    Now I have all the worried and tensions for her. Days she is at home ( with us WFH), my H is shut in his room, all the time working on his computer and on office calls.. ...while me running behind LO all the time, counting her milk and feeds, snacks...

    With her next to me, try to keep her busy, shooing her away from my laptop...
    Out of 8 hrs, I can not even work for 1 hr.

    Then later in the evening, again I am online to catch up with work and stay up late but being exhausted I can not concentrate. Then LO wakes up at night, my H many times helps her, and morning tells me, you do not wake up blah blah...even though I do and can not sleep anyways once she is up.

    With all this, I can not wake up early in the morning or on time, to attend my early morning/office calls, and then get her ready for daycare and cooking/packing her food.

    So again I drop her very late, around their lunch time, reach my office ..lunch time, again leave early to pick her up, again attend her..again not much office work done , plus exhausted because of her care.
    .

    Forget about taking care of myself, going to gym, I do not even comb for office.

    My H also does household, but once his work is done. He cleans out kitchen at 12 of night, then again on bed with earphones/ tabs.. He listens to songs, watches his programs on tab, while working in his room and even for 15min lunch@ dinning table, he plays tab, instead of helping me with LO or talking something. Then on and off, he says, we need to think about another kid.

    Its me who worries about lunch/LO's brekfast/Los' lunch/dinner and milk/snacks and spends. He does not care if Lo is eating, not eating, not doing well @ daycare.And many times my H just increases my work by not listening, and doing something stupid.



    Every day I cry....crying while dropping her off, cry with all he maintenance work and things going out of control. Girls I am venting out and furious about how things are out of control for me. I do not know if things are going to settle soon.



    .
     
    1 person likes this.
    Loading...

  2. Vennella

    Vennella Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    375
    Likes Received:
    370
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female
    Sorry to hear about your struggles. Is there any possibility of taking off from work for a few weeks? Until kid gets used to daycare? My friend's kid had trouble with day care as well, but later on she got used to it pretty well and now loves to go there. But of course my friend quit her job and stayed home to spend time with her.
    Quitting might be too extreme but taking a few weeks off might help. Otherwise you will be left with feeling inadequate at all fronts.

    about h not getting more involved, i think you need to calmly tell him everything you have written here. It is extremely surprising but sometimes you have to spell it out. Why don't you ask him to drop off and pick up lo once in a while?
     
  3. sanjuruby3

    sanjuruby3 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,065
    Likes Received:
    379
    Trophy Points:
    158
    Gender:
    Female
    Her daycare has just started. My LO wants to drop/pick so it will be quick, less crying for LO. But I do not let him. He is not very good at it. He will not explain food/etc to teacher at drop off and not ask about her activities at pick up.
    I do not have any vacation days left as I have just come from long vacation from India after which she was put in daycare.

    All those days, when we have LO at home, I keep shouting at my H, but nothing goes inside his bald head. He glues to his phone for office calls or tab.

    I also have morning calls and many times those are long calls, but he will not really be good H then. Not a single day, I have attended/ listened to my morning calls completely ,on that they discuss, issues/matters, new development, work, Even if someone mentions my name, I miss it because I am tending to me LO with phone on mute.
    Forget about ppts and those learning sessions. He will keep calling, if its listen only, help with LO . Infact most of the times, we have calls at same time..

    I am at the point of losing myself. What is my LO learning from us? We play TV to her to we can work or attned calls.
    She has no fixed bfast/lunch/dinner time.
     
  4. sansan23

    sansan23 Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    31
    Likes Received:
    21
    Trophy Points:
    23
    Gender:
    Female
    Hello OP,

    I have read your old threads.Looks like your indian nanny is not available.If you can afford can you try some one from Care.com in your area to find some certified baby sitters who can come home and look after the baby for few days a week?
     
  5. sansan23

    sansan23 Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    31
    Likes Received:
    21
    Trophy Points:
    23
    Gender:
    Female
    Im not promoting that site on this public form but i have heard very good reviews from people who hired baby sitters so im just suggesting it...
     
  6. sanjuruby3

    sanjuruby3 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,065
    Likes Received:
    379
    Trophy Points:
    158
    Gender:
    Female
    "sansan23"
    You know I have heard some bad things about care.com. I do not have lot of details but some nanny/caretaker hired from care.com stole from an indian family and there were some police complaints.
     
  7. CrayoNess

    CrayoNess Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,223
    Likes Received:
    1,634
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    WFH is not possible with a one year old (do I remember the age correctly?). You can do some stuff when napping or when the kid is older (like 4-5 year old). One possibility is to make clear turns, you work morning 4 hours, he works afternoon four hours or something like that.

    Regarding day care here it is recommended that you start slowly so the kid get adjusted. First a few days that you are there with the child, then gradually leave the child for an hour etc.

    I understand that it is not possible for you. Why do you need to pack lunch for her, dont they have food at the daycare? Make the food easy now, let the kid eat what she eats (plenty of fruit, bread, healthy snacks available), simple dishes, use your freezer and eat out now and then.

    During the weekends try to get a rest. Both alone (go out for a walk or send the hubby with the kid to the playground) but also that the kid can be with you without any laptops or other stuff.

    My friend (who is kind of a child care professional) once gave me an advice. I was complaining that when I came home from office the child was clinging, I was exhausted and had to make dinner and everything ended in a big mess. She told me to put everything aside and totally focus on the child for 30 minutes. Dinner can wait, cleaning can wait, by totally focusing on the child for a while the child will then happily walk away playing etc and you can do the dinner etc.
     
    3 people like this.
  8. meVaidehi

    meVaidehi Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,175
    Likes Received:
    663
    Trophy Points:
    208
    Gender:
    Female
    Seems like nothing is going to work unless you both have a real discussion on this topic. Not you complaining and him ignoring.
    From what you have written he is happily putting all the baby related work on you and ignoring so that he doesn't have to get involved. You need to repeatedly talk to him explaining how things are getting difficult for you. You are losing peace of mind. It might come to you leaving your job until your baby is more independent. He might understand how serious things are.
    Try to make a schedule for house work and baby related tasks a time sheet. Then divide them between you both. As you both are working, it has to be 50:50. If he wants you to take all the baby load, he has to take care of everything else including cooking for her.
    See if you could get most of your work done when your baby is sleeping. So you get some quiet and concentration.
    Keep lots of snacks for your baby store bought or home made in case her food is not ready on time.
    Few of my ideas: I fry sooji (Rawa) in ghee, add adequate amount of sugar, powdered dry fruits in it and store in container. When needed just add it to boiling milk and sweet sheera is ready in minutes. Healthy, filling and instant.
    Lots of fruits and yoghurt
    Vitabix multigrain biscuits that can be served with warm milk.
    Dalia which can be prepared sweet or savory with veggies.
     
  9. Rihana

    Rihana Finest Post Winner

    Messages:
    10,036
    Likes Received:
    24,874
    Trophy Points:
    540
    Gender:
    Female
    1. One year old kids work better with routine. This mixing daycare and WFH does not seem to be working. If she is at home, at least one parent should be available to take care of her.

    2. Your DH did offer to drop off and pick up, and does do household/kitchen work and checks out of kitchen at 12 in the night. That is not so bad, mad as you are about it.

    3. Teacher does not need daily instructions about food/etc, and not a good idea to require a daily report about her activities. When child is being picked up or dropped off, attention should be on child, and talk with teacher beyond hello should be if any important information/update needs to be told to teacher. Further, your child might be picking up on your anxiety as you give instructions to teacher. You want to get information about your child's day, find a better way. Maybe - create a worksheet for caregivers to fill out over the day. At the end of day, just take that, don't overly question them about each thing. If you give instructions each day and ask detailed report each day, they will start ignoring your instructions and will give you canned response - will tell you what you like to hear. Once a week or so asking is fine, but daily is too much.

    4. Your husband is plugging his ears and watching programs/songs because he is trying to tune you out. From his POV, he does work in the house, is willing to do the drop-off and pickup, but you are not "letting" him.
     
    2 people like this.
  10. sanjuruby3

    sanjuruby3 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,065
    Likes Received:
    379
    Trophy Points:
    158
    Gender:
    Female
    He does work but not when needed.


    I do not care about kitchen being cleaned at 12 of night but some things needed to be done on time inspite of me shouting my head.
    Like now its her feed time and I requested him to clean her bottles in the morning.

    He nodded yes but never did it. I keep reminding .. he comes with excuses, no need to feed her now, ... .I cooked lunch/bffast for us, and separate for LO, morn/even tea, while he could have cleaned bottles in 5 min when was on earphones/tab. He does not understand the need of hour.
     
    1 person likes this.

Share This Page