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Vent about relatives.. how to deal with foren crazy relatives?

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by sanjuruby3, Jun 6, 2015.

  1. sanjuruby3

    sanjuruby3 Gold IL'ite

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    Hi..

    Sorry for long post ... I need to vent and need suggestions.

    Among all our relatives who call us in US (for stuff when news spreading us coming), is my annoying maternal/married elder cousin/family.

    They have craze for 'foren' electronics. Before, he H used to ask and now her son has grown up to call and ask.

    In the beginning, they ( sister/her husband) used to keep calling us whenever they got news of our coming from my parents. They would call each every day to ask this, this that that.. and say whatever you feel like good. I always avoided their calls.

    Slowly their calls reduced as I did not call back much or did not pick.

    But their demand of things is still there.

    My dad is in US to visit us, they send demands through my mom in India. My mom is in US for my delivery, they call mom here.. I am going, they will demand through mom. My mom feels pressure and obligated and she loads on to me. My mom does not force me but keeps asking, are you bringing their stuff?then she will start cribbing they should given me money first.. ( I say its not money, but I feel embarrassed to ask my H, They do pay for their gadgets. )

    I hate their over smart kid who asks if stuff brought or not.Only thing he wants to know when we land is that his stuff arrived. If yes, they immediately come from far flung city at mid of night, to take their stuff.

    Well they ( my cousin sis ) have many other things annoying which pushes my buttons. In front of everyone, she tries to be over smart, keeps winking eyes to her H, kids etc in secretive language about money talks etc which I hate, Clear lies like I had bought blah blah GIFTs for you, but you did not come, I called in US many times, on H bday..you did not pick.. ( I know her ...she tried to teach me same tricks for others..like tell them you called)

    Also true, that now when my parents do not have lot of relatives, they are there to call in grief and joy to ask and visits. But yes she tries to be smart about everything, teach her kids not to talk about their career etc.

    But I feel embarrassed to ask my H to buy stuff for them because its each time and most demands have been from my side (even my parents but they all pay).

    Now she asking mom to ask us and I understand mother's tension.

    Once in while, I have no problem but every time. I have not brought anything for her in last few yrs. But in real, there was demand each yr (whoever went to India from US). For them, no harm in demanding.


    As soon as people know we are coming, we will start getting dmands for video camera, laptops phones. Some ( from H side) are so cheap to just send facebook etc messages.

    This time we are so frustrated with work and stressful life with baby and do not even want to travel but going for baby.

    I really do not know what excuses to make and how to deal with such relatives. How to tell them the fake money tree they think we have.
     
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  2. tashidelek2002

    tashidelek2002 IL Hall of Fame

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    Because of the new baggage allotments which are small and all the stuff for the baby you now have, you have no room to be bringing stuff to India.
     
  3. poovai

    poovai Platinum IL'ite

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    Tell them, everything is available in India and it costs the same. You can buy it in India!
     
    sindmani, sheztheone and anika987 like this.
  4. PavithraS

    PavithraS Platinum IL'ite

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    Dear OP ,

    With a kid to take care and stressful job to handle you both should have plenty on your hands.. Some people cross the limits while being selfish...

    Learn to say NO . You do not have to feel sorry or be rude when spelling it out loud and clear.. Be curt and professional.. Do not get in to explanation mode like saying why you can not fulfill their demands.. It is them asking you for a favor and not the vice versa.. You have full rights to deny it..

    Just let them know this time that you can not be their "foren items suppliers" .
    Do not buy and take any thing .. If people ask , just say you could not find time, money, or even space in the baggage in as a matter of fact tone.. That's all .. They will never bother you again..

    They will be cold for sure, but mostly it will be temporary.. Come on life is too short for people to carry a grudge as small as being denied to get their stuff foreign till their graves.. Be a little nicer to those disappointed relatives while you stay there.. It should take care...

    It is like tying the bell around cat's neck.. It is not as complicated literally , but very useful for future..

    That you have posted this question shows that you do not want to hurt people.. But you know what if you do not say NO you will hurt yourself, which is more dangerous.. Have not you lost your sleep over this trivia matter already ?

    So stop worrying and practice a very simple straight two letter syllable "NO"..

    Regards,

    Pavithra
     
  5. dimhere

    dimhere Gold IL'ite

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    I understand why you are so irked and irritated with all these off-hand demands. For them, it is just one post on FB. But for you, it means a lot of hassles - shopping and packing.

    But, the biggest objection from your side is out of the way - as they pay you for what they ask for.

    If the shopping and packing and "delivering" is putting you off, then u can say u have no baggage space. Also, tell them that all the return policies, and warranties are not valid outside the country of sale.
     
  6. ramyav_cse

    ramyav_cse Gold IL'ite

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    Dont tell them till the last minute. You will have to teach your parents to not tell either...make it look like last minute plans(blame DH's office) and if they still manage to demand, tell them you did not find time to go shopping with the baby...if you do this 2 times, they will get the message.
     
  7. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    Just politely tell them that you now have to pack for the baby as well, so there is less space for gifts. If they still persist, ignore them.
     
    1 person likes this.
  8. KashmirFlower

    KashmirFlower IL Hall of Fame

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    Say As u r busy with kid find no time to shop and that too no room in bags as u have to pack diapers etc tons of baby stuff. (really it would be tough for u to find space when traveling with baby right)

    instread show them Amazon.in, Indias Amazon website to shop for electronics or anything , any way they will be paying themselves, just help them once in searching their items in the website, if they don't know how to do online shopping. Actually everything available in India if they go to city malls. Take them to mall while u r shopping and if u like their company.

    In the beginning I was getting items list from relatives and friends people who usually not even talking with me before. Items list : American diamonds from my dh husbands friends mother. Olive oil after few years she asked as We got some for parents. Are American diamonds from America? I don't know. But I never bothered to buy. She always criticises, I don't like her.
     
    1 person likes this.
  9. guesshoo

    guesshoo IL Hall of Fame

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    You can Make thread excuses

    - I just didn't have the time to buy it or even order it online
    - there was no baggage space left, what with all the nappies and fomulae
    - It totally slipped my mind
    - it surely is available here in India and it's much cheaper here; why are you wasting money?

    when they ask, you say - let me see. I have other people to buy gadgets for this time; perhaps one of the next times I could buy something for you.

    If you consistently brush them off, there won't be much demands.
     
    1 person likes this.
  10. guesshoo

    guesshoo IL Hall of Fame

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    Or until the last minute say, sure I'll buy it and then don't. Give a random excuse - we were to go the day before I left but a water pipe broke/ I twisted my ankle. You can play her game too!
     

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