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Veg/Non-Veg issue with wife

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by indusman, Mar 19, 2010.

  1. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

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    You must not be a foodie..... :)

    One thing I don't understand though, if the OP's wife was so against nonveg and alcohol, why did she jump at the chance to marry the OP? Isn't it a little manipulative to say his eating choices and drinking choices were 'ok' when she was just a PROSPECTIVE bride, and then when she officially becomes the wife be like "Oh no, I don't approve of this... I don't approve of that..." Why couldn't she just be honest in the first place and say "NO, I'm looking for a vegetarian guy who doesn't drink?" :bonk
     
  2. indusman

    indusman New IL'ite

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    Dear buchofroses,

    Nothing personal against you, but at some stage we should start growing by our own selves and try to leave behind the "have been raised" part of our lives. These is a difference between "raising your children with values" and "brainwashing them with your ideas". And in our society many times people don't really see this difference.

    These are just my views. I am not stating them in the context of my problem.
     
    Ansuya likes this.
  3. aruna_077

    aruna_077 Senior IL'ite

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    I second that completely.

    There are so many issues DILs post here out of which the main issues and frequent ones rise because MILs brainwash the husbands with their ideas.
     
  4. BeeAmma

    BeeAmma Silver IL'ite

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    Still begs the question, why would you marry a small town conservative girl as opposed to someone who would be comfortable with eating non-veg and drinking? Since these are so important to you why would you not emphatically state it upfront.
     
  5. roopadadia

    roopadadia Silver IL'ite

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    I have not read the entire thread except the main post so am not sure what discussion have taken place.

    JMO....Marriage is an institution full of compromise and a give and take relationship and understanding each other is the base of a solid foundation.

    Here it is evident that both of you knew before marriage about your eating habits. Here the question is of veg and non veg in our family the question is of jain and non jain. Imagine one of my co-sis has always been a staunch jain right from childhood and my BIL eats regular food with onions, garlic and potatoes. She dosen't cook or eat and he dosen't force her to cook it for her. When we are around we cook or when they have a help she cooks for him. So that is the compromise.

    If your wife is allowing you to eat outside then i think you should accept that cause you may not understand but for a pure veg person the sight and smell of non-veg food itself can be nauseous. So please do enjoy your favorite cuisine outside when she is not around and you can also enjoy your meal at leisure without feeling guilty.

    As far as alcohol is concerned you have it at home should be fine but calling friends over and serving them is not a great idea...as you may not be able to restrict them and god forbid if some day it takes an ugly turn what will you do. So same here enjoy it with friends outside on your boys day out. This i am not saying to favour your wife....but we have seen such things happening when after drinking friends behavior have gone out of control and the wife bearing the brunt of it.

    Maybe at home you can switch to wine instead of scotch and whiskey. Come up with innovative ways of entertaining your friends where they will not realise that had drinks/non-veg are not served. Say your wife cooks real good veg food and today you will relish some of her best recipes.

    Your friends should never come to know about the actual problem and even if they are already aware of it portray your wife in a way that she dosen't feel let down. Like my BIL he will never say that he gave up onion, garlic potatoes at home because she never cooks but he will always say that bringing these things home and seeing it around the kitchen is a huge compromise for his wife.

    It is our attitude towards a problem which brings about a good solution and not just pondering that i have made sacrifices or any such thoughts.

    you have a long way to go both in your career and personal life so sit with your wife and talk as two matured adults both share your views and come to a mutual understanding. Blame game is not going to help.

    Now whatever decisions you both take has to be yours and not be influenced by your or her parents as you are staying miles away from them and you both should know what is good for the two of you.

    All the best.
    God bless.
     
  6. ayush123

    ayush123 Junior IL'ite

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    hi,
    well me too have the same thinking n my dh too eat non veg n drink alcohol bt in ur case i think ur wife mst b very lucky to say the her hubby is faithful to her n if he is she shld really compermise at timesn try to undrstnd.I too aggredd my hubby tht hye can do any thing outside bt nt at home n even non veg he eats with his friends .Once we went to his friends house for dinner who knws tht i m we r veg bt even he knws tht my hu bby eats non veg too so he made both veg n non veg thrt was fist time i even saw non veg hw it looks. well my dh was nt knwing tht he is going to make both n whn he came to knw he told hid friend tht why no0n veg u knw u r veg.thn?? BT his friend said i knw u like it so??Bt my hubby was worried abt me thn i jst told its fine u ppl can have it n i will have veg so at conditions we mst compermise n i wld like to suggest ur wife tht if u force him he wld start ling u so better give freedom n trust him jst try out everythg will b fine
     
  7. ras09

    ras09 New IL'ite

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    Indusman,
    quick question from you
    Is she RadhaSoami by any chance?
    if yes, then its very difficult for her to change.
    In my case, i was veg and my husband was non-veg. Our was a love marriage. I am punjabi radhasoami. i told my husband before marriage that i wont like you to eat meat at home or cook at home.He can eat outside. He got agreed.
    He left non veg totally for me willingly. I asked him on many occasion to have non-veg in restaurants.
    But he himself refuse to eat. He said its a small sacrifice coz he loves me a lot.
    He never drinks (that was by his choice)
    We are both well educated working in IT industry. My husband is MS from USA from GaTech (top 10 institute) and i have done MBA from top schools in india after engineering.
    These things has nothing to do with relationships. Education is different thing and relationship is different.

    Try to understand your wife's point of view.. And explain your view also.
    All the best
     
    Last edited: Mar 26, 2010
  8. BeeAmma

    BeeAmma Silver IL'ite

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    I agree with you, eating meat and consuming alcohol has nothing to do with education:). You also have poor and illiterate people with both the habits.
     
  9. indusman

    indusman New IL'ite

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    Dear ras09,

    I never said that education has anything to do with food habits. If I had not mentioned our backgrounds then many people would have asked me the same and so I did it beforehand. She is not the first vegetarian person I have encountered in my life. There are vegetarians in US too I agree.

    She is not Radhasoami. If that was the case, I would have known her priorities, and it was not a love marriage. She should have made her point clear that she would like me to leave non veg at all, or she wouldn't let alcohol in. She made an assumption that she would be able to "transform" me.

    Education has nothing to do with food habits, but it sure enables us to handle situations. We sure know that starting a relationship with some underlying agenda is not healthy. We sure know that you don't demand sacrifices every now and then, people do it for you; you have to earn them. At first you have to build a relationship on the foundation of unconditional love, then things start following your way slowly.

    And above all, there hasn't been any alcohol served or meat cooked while she has here. What more? After doing all that, she making an issue sitting in India, c'mmon. That is suffocating.
     
  10. smart_soul

    smart_soul Bronze IL'ite

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    Dear indusman,

    I cannot agree more on this...
    Absolutely true..

     

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