Veg/Non-Veg issue with wife

Bee, there are so many cloak and dagger stories about Hitler that no one knows what the truth is.

Hitler was believed to be gay as well and Eva Braun was supposed to his alleged girl consort to mask his sexual orientation.

Either ways we can all agree that its not the sausages and the beer that made him kill 6 million jews :rotfl

 

There is one story that he slept with his niece and killed her too

SHOT BY UNCLE ADOLF from 16 Sep 2006 - mirror.co.uk

 

Tridev, like I said, there are so many cloak and dagger stories and no one knows what the real truth is.

Anyways, I think we should cease the Hitler discussion in this thread as a favour to the OP LOL

P.S: Btw, I just noticed the article you posted is from the Mirror, which is a supermarket tabloid newspaper. I won't put much credibility into that article LOL

 

Indusman,

After the recent digression, I figure it is time that your post got some attention

Assuming that your version of events is true, IMO you are definitely in the right (from a court of law type perspective). Indeed, you should be free to eat meat, drink alcohol etc outside the house (per your verbal agreement with your wife).

On the other hand, looks like your wife is creating major issues for you. There appear to be 3 solutions here
(1) Status quo until one of you crumbles (i.e. one person wins, other loses)
(2) She compromises on her own accord
(3) You compromise on your own accord

If you go for (1) and win, you might get the gastronomical privileges you want, and still suffer some interesting consequences long-term if it's not whole heartedly embraced by your wife. (2) ideal solution but requires her to suddenly see things your way...but it appears unlikely. That leaves us with (3)

Perhaps you need to ask yourself if this is the battle to be won. Is it more important to enjoy the sweet fruit of matrimony or meat? If the former is "much" more important, perhaps you should allow her to win this round. She might be more understanding (in the future) when you screw up in some manner (let's face it, no body is infallible through out life).

I am assuming (only because it usually is the case) that you are older, more mature, and have seen more of the world than her. Why not be the bigger person and make a gesture (even though you really are in the right)? It might make your marriage really good. Btw, I do not condone her for coercing a conversion this way...but ask yourself what is really important to you.

Obviously, you have to be the judge. Hopefully, she is the type of person who will appreciate your magnanimity rather than just keep using this approach to get you to do whatever she wants.

 

After your most recent post Indusman, your wife sounds like a pain in the butt to live with. You told her up front that you liked what you liked.... the compromise now should NOT have to come on your part. She basically lied by putting on this act before marriage that she was fine with the REAL YOU, but now after marriage is completely doing a switch-a-roo. That's just plain wrong. And she should live with the consequences of HER decision. She agreed to marry you knowing that you eat meat and drink alcohol.... probably if she had been truthful you might have married a different girl and not had this problem. So basically you have been duped, and I don't think you should reward her manipulative behavior at any cost... because it WILL lead to other things. Somebody who loves control can't just stop at one issue, they will seek to control you in sooooo many other ways. This is just the beginning.

You need to explain to her how happy, HEALTHY relationships work. As in, both people compromise on issues, not compromise WHO THEY ARE. You love to cook, eat, enjoy a good drink... that stuff isn't just an 'issue', it's the type of stuff that make up YOU. I think even if you do give in to her demands, it will just create a never ending resentment and regret on your part. Yeah, I would resent too if somebody told me what to cook, what to eat, what to drink..... :bonk

Also you need to set things straight NOW about parental involvement. Momma's boys and momma's girls have no business getting married. If she still thought of herself as a 'girl', she should have stayed single in her parents house. Girl's dont get married. Women do. And she needs to mature up and realize that marriage isn't meant to be a power struggle and that she can't just snap her fingers and change people according to her whims and fancys. Until SHE realizes that, this veg vs non veg issue is just going to be the first of a long and bumpy road. You need to tell her very seriously that she is NOT to run to her mom reporting each and every issue that goes on in private between the two of you... it's NONE of her mom's business. And if her mom get's an attitude with you, you need to tell your mil that enough is enough and she needs to mind her own business. You seem like a nice guy... and unfortunately dominating people sometimes take advantage of people like you. Don't let that happen. Stand up for yourself. Personally, if somebody pulled this crap with me, I would have a hard time trusting or loving them anymore. But that's just me.

I would not back down if I were you, because you are in the RIGHT.

If she could accept the whole meat eating alcohol drinking 'you' as her fiance, she should be able to do it again now that you're her husband. But just out of curiousity.... since you seem somewhat modern, why didn't you find a modern and forward thinking girl who would match your mentality, instead of marrying this village girl who thinks a chicken cube is a life or death issue?

Mithy.... India is a huge place, with a huge number of diverse groups of people, so I don't think your generalization sticks. My mil drinks WAY more than my dh. My sil drinks a lot too. So does my dh's cousins. And so does just about everyone in my family (although we are living in US). Just because the OP's wife wants to play the coy village belle, doesn't mean she is the voice of all Indian women, or even a 'typical' Indian woman... since India's populace is so diverse.

 

Indusman,

You are really in a tight spot here. Your wife wants her way no matter what.

I admire you being upfront with your eating & drinking habits before marriage, and not expecting her to cook to your needs.

I am with most of the others here - I don't think you should give in to her manipulation. You need to stand firm, and tell her that you are ready for some kind of common ground, but not for totally having it her way.

She's raising a hue and cry hoping you will respond. Don't. Be absolutely normal with her, even joking about it, she will see that she can't bully someone into following her.

As others have said, if this was such a big issue for her, she really should have communicated it before marriage, not tried to arm twist you later.

Good luck.

 

Indusman, making sacrifices does not mean asking the other person to give up their choices in food and drinks. Yeah there are some things you can trade off, but asking your partner to alter their food and drink choices is pushing it to ridiculous levels. What is next? Give up your brand of toothpaste and soap because your wife does not like them?

Here is what you do. Find out the two things your wife likes the most and tell her you don't like those and you will give up eating meat or drinking in exchange for those. Choose wisely LOL It has to be two things she absolutely cannot live without ( and please don't pick air and water :rotfl). Sacrifice has to be a two way street so lets see how your wife reciprocates for your unreasonable demands.

 

Indusman,

I think some people are being a tad too harsh on your wife.

The issue probably is in how you view the bone of contention. While you think you think the issue to be a vegetarian and a teetotaler or otherwise is a matter of personal choice like the brand of toothpaste etc, she thinks there is a definite right and wrong. To be fair in a lot of religious contexts, this is treated the same way. The question is not about which of these 2 opinions are right, but about how to see each others point of view. She probably doesnot get it as to why you have to be stubborn about continuing something that is 'wrong' in the first place. That explains why she feels superior about her choices.

Since u seem to be the one thats seeking out for a solution, you need to make the effort to broaden her horizons and see if she can buy your perspective.