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Urgent:help Needed:public Speaking Competition For Grade 4

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous in Parenting' started by nakshatra81, Dec 15, 2016.

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  1. Dec 17, 2016 #31
    Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    The overall speech is OK with specific examples and takes a stand that is less likely to be taken. I have added my comments to each paragraph: https://s30.postimg.org/zcr3bcpf5/buying.jpg You could consider making some changes based on that, or rewrite the speech following a standard 5 paragraph format (intro body body body conclusion). Or increase the number of body paragraphs to 4 or 5.

    I suggest rewriting. Come up with an outline that has a good hook/intro paragraph with the last sentence of the paragraph clearly stating the stand being taken. For each body paragraph, identify one main idea. Add details and supporting statements. Give one example of an item bought or a shopping incident. End with restating the main idea of the paragraph. Don't make all examples about family members. Also, in one example, he could refer to his twin and show contrasting behavior between them. Some embellishment is OK in examples.

    Make the conclusion paragraph as interesting as possible. It should summarize the speech, and explicitly link back to the last sentence of the first paragraph. If using an anecdote in intro, say something about that anecdote in the conclusion. End with a smile or thought provoking question, rather than a "do this" directive.

    A few other thoughts
    - the current speech read at medium pace is under 2 min.
    - have him practice the speech by video recording him many times.
    - have him review the video recordings (preferably by himself, so he doesn't get conscious).
    - eye contact, slow down pace, look around, pause between sentences, longer pause between paragraphs.
    - when practicing, don't start from beginning each time, or only that part gets memorized well. after some practice sessions, and beginning is going good, start to practice speech from middle.
    - is use of props allowed? prop - an object that can be used to explain a point. if yes, use one for the starting.

    It has been an 'international experience' reviewing what you have written. I was thinking you are of Indian origin living in Egypt. May be so, or may not be so! I then thought of what the judges would look for, and how do kids/teachers there usually talk.

    Good Luck.

    P.S. We had a small discussion related to this in another thread: Adda Da Hangout! Feel free to chime in with your thoughts.
     
    Rihana, Dec 17, 2016
    Rihana, Dec 17, 2016
    #31
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  2. Dec 18, 2016 #32
    nakshatra81

    nakshatra81 Senior IL'ite

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    thank you rihana for the pain you took.yes i am indian living in egypt.my kids are studying in american section.they call their teachers by their names with title.
    teachers also told the kid to write persuasive essay with 5 paragraph format.intro with 4-5 sentences.and each body with 5 sentences.conclusion with 4-5 sentences.
    props are allowed.my kids are insisting me to include props.i have no idea where to include props that too in multilingualism.
    BTW the way you have presented your reply itself shows your professionalism,and make me feel i have landed up in right place.
    my main problem is writing something crisp if possible can you please check my rough drafts whether any points can be picked up.TIA
     
    nakshatra81, Dec 18, 2016
    nakshatra81, Dec 18, 2016
    #32
  3. Dec 19, 2016 #33
    nakshatra81

    nakshatra81 Senior IL'ite

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    this is the final one with changes.pls help me in closing.don't know how to close it.a dayaftertomorrow is the semifinals.
    Hi everyone as a boy of 10 studying grade 4 ,it is hard to explain on impulsive purchasing and consumer behavior.Eventhough I am an enduser my dad is the one who spend money for it.so let me explain things from my very little experience.

    I know you all are curious to know why I am convinced to buy one item even if it is expensive rather than buying many Items on sale. Let me share my bitter experience from past to tell why I shouldn’t compromise myself on sale, quantity and brand.

    Buying items on sale is not my cup of tea.Let me tell you why.

    For last public speaking we bought formal shoes at clearance sale from sultan Hussein for both me and my twin brother Rishi.at the day of public speaking we were dressed up like gentlemen with suits and our new formal shoes rishi was eagerly waiting for his turn. When his name was called he climbed the first step, his shoes heel tore apart and embarrassed him. His total concentration was on shoes and he couldn’t make his presentation properly.

    So now you may know why sale is not my cup of tea.

    Secondly I don’t want to compromise quality on quantity

    My grandma gifted me Xbox on my 4th bday we were so excited and can’t even wait for a day to buy a good battery for its remote.so we used a china battery which my mom bought as it is 10 times cheaper than energizer battery. After a week the remote wasn’t working. When we opened the battery cover we found the leaked batteries have already spoilt my Xbox remote. Just a matter of few bucks I have spoilt the precious gift of love from my grandma. Since then I have decided not to compromise quality on quantity.

    Finally ,let me tell you why I shouldn’t compromise on brands.

    When I was 5, I wished for Samsung tab3 when I saw it in my friend Abdullah’s house.so I told my uncle to buy it one for me from India. During the time of purchase the shop keeper induced him to buy a new brand named MILA GROW which has been newly launched, its real price is 22000 bucks and intro offer is just 12000bucks.my uncle found it as a good deal rather than going for Samsung which was 25000.guys, you won’t believe it! It just worked for a month .it had problem in charging .i brought it to India back as it had 1 year warranty. When I went to their service center they said it’s closed and when we called their customer care there was no proper response until the expiration of warranty period. After that they asked me 10000 bucks to get it repaired. Finally we ended up buying galaxy tab3.





    Last winter my dad bought a leather jacket at the end of the winter season’s clearance sale. He awaited it as it is cheap during then and stored it for next winter. Yesterday when he unpacked the bag to take his jacket, all the leather part has peeled and its withering.so it’s of no use. He didn’t wear it even once. Sometimes buying things when unnecessary may end up absolete.so money spent on unwanted things in the name of offer is mere useless.

    Setting budgets before shopping and taking timeout before the purchase saves both money and time. It prevents us from moving towards impulsive purchase. Apart from economic impact these decisions have also psychological impact. Psychologists say that self-control failure is the main cause for impulsive purchase.it is nothing but making the decision to buy the item at the spot even we don’t have plan to buy.

    On the whole buying one item which I need even its expensive has many advantages

    1. it is a time saver

    2. immense pleasure of possession of what I wished

    3. setting a goal and working towards achievement

    4. developing self-control

    5. Financial management.
     
    Last edited: Dec 19, 2016
    nakshatra81, Dec 19, 2016
    nakshatra81, Dec 19, 2016
    #33
  4. Dec 19, 2016 #34
    Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    You can perhaps summarize the examples in the conclusion.
    "Be it the new formal shoes that didn't help my brother in his presentation, or the Xbox from my grandma that the cheap battery ruined (sorry Grandma!) or the Samsung tab3 which I ended up buying anyway, or the leather jacket that peeled before it saw its first winter, all have lead me to believe that .... <add the bit here about buying one item that is needed even if it is expensive> Do you, dear classmate and judges, recall any such purchases?"​
     
    Rihana, Dec 19, 2016
    Rihana, Dec 19, 2016
    #34
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  5. Dec 20, 2016 #35
    whistle

    whistle Silver IL'ite

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    Dear Nakshatra,
    This is really good effort. I like lots of things in the speech, like the examples which solidify the points.

    Since you are looking for some ways to improve it, I would like to suggest a few and its totally up to you.

    Few points:
    1. A speech is complete not when you have added all the points to it but have removed all the unwanted from it.
    2. Open strongly and close memorably.
    3. Add a touch of humor and show vulnerability. Let the listener feel your pain.
    4. Keep the words simple and matter of fact.

    I would remove the heavy words and things which weaken the speech and make the listener work hard to get the meaning underneath. Lines like the following:

    "Hi everyone as a boy of 10 studying grade 4 ,it is hard to explain on impulsive purchasing and consumer behavior.Eventhough I am an enduser my dad is the one who spend money for it.so let me explain things from my very little experience."

    >>Not a good opening. Too verbose and doesn't add a whole lot. Don't speak about something being hard.

    "So now you may know why sale is not my cup of tea."
    >> Cliched quote. Doesn't add interest

    "Psychologists say that self-control failure is the main cause for impulsive purchase.it is nothing but making the decision to buy the item at the spot even we don’t have plan to buy."
    >> This is out of place to quote what psychologists say. The audience want to hear what the speaker feels.


    I would make the speech like this:

    OPENING
    It was the day of the public speaking contest. My twin brother Rishi and I were excited and tensed at the same time. We prepared our speech, dressed impeccably in our suites, wore our brand new shoes. I was called to speak ( audience relate better if it happened to the speaker than to someone else ). As I approached the lectern to speak, my brand new shoes gave in. Can you imagine if you were in my position, limping your way to the stage ( let your son limp and act out ).

    Ladies and Gentlemen, Friends and judges. You can see where my loyalty lies when choosing between a single better quality product as compared to many cheaper and lower quality products.

    I am going to share with you on why buying a better quality product, results in :
    1. Saving time
    2. Saving money
    3. Creating happy memories.

    BODY
    ( Power of 3. Don't have more than 3 points ).

    Point 1. How I lost time on an inferior product. I had requested my uncle to buy a samsung tablet.......( avoid references to abdulla's house and buying it from india. you are adding negativitiy towards india and showing peer pressure )

    Point 2 . How I learnt the lesson of saving money. My dad bought a leather jacket. He had to buy it again and then again due to it giving in....

    Point 3. Now I invest in good products. I don't worry about a pen that will stop writing during my exams, an xbox which stops working because I got the cheapest battery for it.....( add a few more examples if you can ). At the end of the day, I feel happy and contented because of the products I bought giving me its worth.

    CONCLUSION:
    Friends, I encourage you to not fall for the cheaper discount on bad quality products. Don't end up with torn shoes like I did ( limp and act again ). Save time, save money and create happy memories by investing in lesser good quality products than other wise.



    Overall, your speech content is really good with good examples. You have to help with tuning it and giving practice to your son with the presentation. Use Rihana's suggestions.
     
    Last edited: Dec 20, 2016
    whistle, Dec 20, 2016
    whistle, Dec 20, 2016
    #35
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  6. Dec 20, 2016 #36
    whistle

    whistle Silver IL'ite

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    Great tips and suggestions from @Rihana
     
    whistle, Dec 20, 2016
    whistle, Dec 20, 2016
    #36
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  7. Dec 20, 2016 #37
    whistle

    whistle Silver IL'ite

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    A prop that might help is the leather jacket ( will be a good visual for people sitting even in the back ). If you can find a couple which are torn. He could take it on stage and keep it hidden in the bad until he tells the story. Take one jacket out, wear it and show the place where it was torn. Toss it away, take the second one and show where that was damaged. Something like that......
     
    whistle, Dec 20, 2016
    whistle, Dec 20, 2016
    #37
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  8. Dec 20, 2016 #38
    nakshatra81

    nakshatra81 Senior IL'ite

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    thanks rihana and whistle for your effort.tomorrow is the semifinals.they just announced it yesterday. letme conclude with rihanas one.will get back to you with the result
     
    nakshatra81, Dec 20, 2016
    nakshatra81, Dec 20, 2016
    #38
  9. Dec 20, 2016 #39
    nakshatra81

    nakshatra81 Senior IL'ite

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    Thnx for everyone who helped me for my kids presentation.my kids were not selected as they couldnt finish before the time provided.i.e. 5 mins.i was focussing on 26 dec for public speaking but school decided to pick just6 kids from both sections of grade 4 by semifinals. And have finals on the day with 6 kids from each class (grade3to grade10).
     
    nakshatra81, Dec 20, 2016
    nakshatra81, Dec 20, 2016
    #39
  10. Dec 20, 2016 #40
    nakshatra81

    nakshatra81 Senior IL'ite

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    I started this thread to get idea to avoid beating around the bush. I know that's my drawback. I can't say something in crisp. Now that drawback played the major role in my kid not getting selected as he couldn't finish before given mins.still all ur concerns moved me a lot. I have learnt a lot. When i got some negative and rude reply as my first response i was feeling very bad. I was member since 2009 i have seen everyone helping each other. But at the starting this thread showed me there are some rude people prevail everywhere.but when rihana jumped in scenarios changed.soothing words,polite words and care u all took part really encouraged my son.there is one more in my private message put his effort.my son use to sit with me and read all the conversation here. In the beginning when we saw negative ohase he didn't comment .but when suggestion started pouring in he was saying there are many people expecting me to win .so he was motivated
     
    nakshatra81, Dec 20, 2016
    nakshatra81, Dec 20, 2016
    #40
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