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Urgent: A hitch in life.....

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by sweetshreya, Oct 11, 2012.

  1. sweetshreya

    sweetshreya IL Hall of Fame

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    Friends, need your help again.............

    Please go through this post.
    http://www.indusladies.com/forums/return-to-india/194115-r2i-what-salary-expect-chennai.html

    I'm really really confused. :confused2:

    Pros: I can work in India, here I'm on H4.
    Cons: There's MIL.

    Actually, I got a general opinion from Apaasn's thread 'Which is worse? loneliness or living with in laws'. But there was also the thread couple of weeks ago about 'Every women should be financially independent'.

    Can't really say what I want. Both options have grave disadvantages. DH is also confused. Called me up just now and asked me to think about it. Why do I always come to such crossroads??? :drowning
     
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  2. apaasn

    apaasn Gold IL'ite

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    Is your husband moving to chennai? In that case you dont have a choice but to move back to India with him.

    Yes I agree that every woman should be financially independent,but if I were you I wouldnt move anywhere close to mil even if that guarantees me a job.Instead I would rather wait here in US for greencard and plan to work here.If you are really lonely and bored here,there are plenty of things to do to solve that.

    Weigh the pros and cons - Read about the problems working women face in India with their mil,even though they are working their mil problems are there always and if working solved their problems they would be very happy and not complaining so much!

    Financial independence is important,but if you wait for a few yrs,you might get a job here and stay away from mil.Its your choice.
     
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  3. sweetshreya

    sweetshreya IL Hall of Fame

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    Isn't it? Actually, he changed his job this feb, and that company is going to file his GC. I had made up a mind of staying in US. Was looking for admission in some univ, or some voluntary job or something............. And now he is thinking of ditching it all for this new opportunity. 2 & 1/2 yrs in marriage and I still don't know where/when we are going to settle. I feel like being just some handbag on leash going from here to there.:rant:hide:

    I want to stay away from India, but I've seen the problems of all the ILites. Looks like wherever u r MIL problem is going to be there. So isn't it better to be at least earning, rather than getting lonely, bcos MIL will be present always, remote controlling invisibly. This is the thought that crossed my mind and confused me. :confused2:

    Don't know if I'm even making any sense.... Got headache from thinking :spin
     
  4. apaasn

    apaasn Gold IL'ite

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    I understand how you feel,its too bad,very sorry for you.I have read some of your other posts too.

    Yes you are right,mil problem is everywhere BUT when you stay in US ,you have the freedom to dress how you want,do what you want,get up when you want,some basic freedom which when staying close to mil you cant have.My mil even tells me when to wash my hair and when not to! Imagine that.

    Are you ready to put up with all this? And you and your husband are still in the newly married phase just 21/2 yrs,maybe another few yrs for you and him to become compatible.I think and correct me if I am wrong,you and your DH still have some unresolved issues and fights,solve all that first and once he loves you and respects you 100% then I would consider moving close to in laws.What if he completely sides with his parents and leaves you? Are you sure he wont do this and will stand up to you?

    If I were you,I would talk straight forward to my DH,I dont want to live close to my parents or your parents.I love & respect both of them but it seems like fights and tensions increase everytime we get close.Its better we live here for another few yrs and then think about moving to India.Its upto you to convince him,tell him we came so close to getting a GC,we dont want to give up now.

    Lets see what other ladies suggest.I hope you make a decision soon.
     
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  5. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    I read your other threads and suggest you pick the H4 option. Tell husband that you want to settle down, and that while this is a good opportunity for him, you would rather wait for GC. Think of whatever advantages you can of living in the U.S. - making money, more opportunities for him, work experience... Don't harp too much on the MIL reason for not going to India. Only a woman who herself has faced in-laws problems can understand how that can be a reason for not moving to India.

    Also, you may want to think over about the unresolved issues between you both. If they are not very serious, then, think about starting a family. If we wait for resolving all issues before having a family, many of us would be in retirement homes before becoming moms...Just a thought... a baby is not a solution nor is it a filler-upper, but you've been married 2.5 yrs already, so why not.....
     
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  6. Topaz

    Topaz Silver IL'ite

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    Not all Mils are bad, just a few rotten ones stink the whole basket! This is the time you can set some rules own with mil about your expectation and hers, if you are frank with your hubby and request his support so that you do not have problems with inlaws later, I think it might be good.

    Also if you work don't expect her to be your housekeeper, take responsibility and contribute towards cooking/cleaning etc.
     
  7. sweetshreya

    sweetshreya IL Hall of Fame

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    :party

    Want to give this update. If anyone of you decide to write book about MIL-DH-ology let this be one of the case study......

    First thing first, like some of you suggested, I too think its best to stay in US rather than going to India... MIL always wanted DH to come back, so that they can all stay together, she won't miss him anymore and so on. She tells us that if we are in India, wherever it may be, they will always stay with us. :drowning

    WHOA HOLD ON !!! Here is what happened yesterday:

    10:00 pm - MIL calls.
    She very sweetly asked me what do I want? (Tumhari kya iccha hai, beta? Dramebaaz :x) I replied with fake enthusiasm that I'll be very happy to come back. So that I can have a job. I'm so unhappy and lonely here. Moreover I'm also missing my parents. They can easily visit me now. How happy I would be, blah blah blah.

    2:00 am - MIL calls again. We were fast asleep at that time. The ph was lying at my side. I saw her name and handed it over to DH. He talked to her, went outside and talked for a long time. I remained asleep (only asked him if everything is alright when he came back. As late night calls make me uneasy.)

    8:00 am - During breakfast.
    DH told me that he has given the situation a lot of thought. He thinks it will be best for us, if we stay in US. Gave a lot of reasons for not going back (petrol prices, weather, etc). Says he will wait to see what salary they assign. But is almost decided that he will decline it. :shock:

    What would you say to this ??? :eek:mg:
    I don't know what she told him, nor do I care. My aim is achieved. :yes:
    I would never had known such tricks of manipulation, if I had not visited this forum. Seriously ladies, right now I want to give each of you a big hug.... [​IMG]
    Thank you so much..... :thankyou2:
     
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