Unwritten laws of indian marriage........

Ha, ha - "Maddam Saasu, Daddam Soon...?" US madhe rahun maazi Marathi visarlo mi ...

 

I agree with u Satchitananda. My MIL has this thing I must be telling abt what all my MIL says to me to my parents! And then she goes like "I know I am not wrong so I am not afraid what all u talk to them but why u talk to them when I am not around!"
And I have this usual "I give a damn attitude!" Yes, I will talk to my parents and MIL can't stop me. I really wanna ask her that if u know you are not wrong then why are u so concerned abt me talking to my parents? But u know I can't question her and she feels she has the god given right to question me! :rant

U know today she met one of her friends whose daughter delivered a baby in US recently but her daughter's MIL went to her to US instead of my MIL's friend. My MIL came home and started that when the baby is born, DH's parents (specially MIL) does all the things like the way it happens in house and DIL's mother should not interfere in such scenarios and let the MIL do all her ways as per the DH's family ways. I felt so furious that I wanted to to ask her if she expects something like this from me? Just bcoz I am living with her doesn't mean she owes everything in my life and life of my would be kid (I don't have one as of now else I would have landed in big fight with MIL!). I wanted to tell her that just bcoz ur friends act stupid I should also act stupid and keep my parents off from me and my baby when I will deliver one and let u be the master of my life? I really don't know what to do with this ridiculous woman, I just ignore her nonsense! :drowning

 

I don't care what country you are in, women in this world have to have a strong spine to succeed in life. If you don't you are a doormat and in case anyone doesn't know what a doormat is, it is a rug where everyone wipes their dirty feet and it just lays there always saying WELCOME!

 

No, nothing of this is written anywhere. In none of the scriptures, you would find any mention of any duty of a dil towards her ILs. The dil has commitments only and only to her husband. These rules are actually rather modern, so to say.

 

.....called Manu.

 

Satchi,MILs sister???So you were a proxy for those absent DILs?

I still remember my neighbour aunt who did not have sons but 2 daughters did he same.This aunt's elder sister(cousin not a sibling) had a son (X)and he was married.When the aunt's elder daughter (Y)came home during pregnancy ,she made the wife of X to do all the work for Y.And strangely X was supporting all this saying "You have to do this for my Chithi.She is chinna maamiyar(MIL by relation)." I was thinking it is an isolated case.It looks like it is part of the play..huh.....

 

Bhuvi, once she tried to fault me for buying something for ourselves "without asking anyone in the house for permission". I told her I was not used to ask permission for every toothbrush and toothpaste I bought. She was telling me I would have to get to used to it. Just then BH arrived on the scene and I got out of the car to go and open the gate. He took the opportunity to tell her to lay off. After that she never did that again.

 

Hi friends,
Though it's easy to say that you can stand straight against your IL's, implementation is not that easy...!
I tried to do so...but then MIL started speaking all kinds of trash with my mom and dad that too in my absence. Since I am the only daughter my parents don't go against them. If I try to interrupt in between, my hubby says that it's not fair to talk depending on one-sided version.
I've been in this mess for quiet a long time and I could only tell my parents to stop worrying about me and give them back the next time something happens this way.

 

Hi daffodiill,

You have said it literally... your post has the answeres too...... It is a fact that there is no Law that Girls must leave their parents after marraige, or change her surname, or call her parents daily..... NO LAW in INDIAN constitution..!! So the actual fact is we Ladies choose to do it as a part of impressing the new people and to gel in their home.... We tend to behave like the all perfect Bahu/DIL... but when we do this for a few days this is what is expected for the whole life...... Be the typical Bahu.... who folows the unwriiten Laws of pleasing the ILs....

MY solution to this problem is that... what i follow....my personal opinion and experience

When u plan to get married.. make it clear... Get a separate house for rent or if u can buy a house and u and hus move out. [So u do not have the feeling of leaving ur home, but a feeling of building a new nest.Both the hus and the wife need to move out and get a house.]

Changing the surname- No one can force you to change your name.. common we are the once who make the final decioson to do so, Its our name... We choose to change it or not... others can give suggestions but to change it we need to give the final nod. In my case I made it very clear, i will not chnage my name cause the passport have my actual name.And i donot choose to make a mess with two names.


If you earn You keep the money.. noone has the right to ask or take YOUR money.Its u who choose wethere to give it or not... in ur case ur MIL asked and u gave the money... You dont need to do that.Decide wisely


We can call our parents Daily, Its ur phone ,u pay the bill, no one can stop u. People will grumble about u calling.... so just go to another room and call..... else u always have a big world... go out and make calls.....


As DILs we choose what to do or hear.... stop impressing the people around... Get an individuality and do what you think is right and brings peace to ur mind....

 

Hi srilakky, i think to stand straight does not mean to end up creating fights.... it just means to open ur mind and speak rather than suffering the bad mouths of MIL.... let her talk trash....it shows how educated she is..... ask ur parents not to get invoved with ur MIL as she is uneduacted....due to this behaviour.....i just hope u will be able to work it out well...