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Unwritten laws of indian marriage........

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by daffodiill, Aug 18, 2012.

  1. bhuvnidhi

    bhuvnidhi IL Hall of Fame

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    DGCreative,I have a lot more to add.But I am not sure whether it is applicable only for me.

    My MIL is not that bad at all.But she is a typical mother who loves married daughters more than married sons.She gets infuenced by my SILs.

    Here goes my list : -(Not from MIL but SIL)
    The DILs parents should not be respected otherwise they will sit on your head.
    The DIL is totally worthless if she is educated.
    The DIL need to follow the rules of ILs house even if she knows it is blatantly wrong and not acceptable by her.
    The DIL should stay with MIL to take care of her while the husband is abroad.If she joins the son,then she is a spolied brat and not brought up properly.
    The DIL should not go to her paternal home after marriage.
    The DILs parents should bring all seer varisai for every festival.
    Finally ,this is very embarassing.I will sue the person who had set this rule if he/she comes in front of me.Dresses should be handed over to SIL after the nuptial night.(Actually this was handled well by my mother.And later when I told my hubby he was fuming.He did not know that such cheap rules are followed in his house)
     
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  2. daffodiill

    daffodiill Silver IL'ite

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    DEAR IL's thank you for all your replies.i am feling good and soothing after reading all your posts,thank you everyone....few points i like to state now..there is no issue for me staying with the IN LAWS but when i think my dad and mom will be alone i get angry on the system that made this ritual..why does only girl's parents?????? that's it why??having both the families with us like diging our own grave no one can be happy especially me and my husband...i just cant let go my parents,my culture and my sis...i just ask one question why does in laws doesn't like tier DIL's family???????????????????????????????????????????????when i am adjusting in their home why cant they accept my family??????????
     
  3. satchitananda

    satchitananda IL Hall of Fame

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    Reminded me of my early days when we were living with the ILs. There was one landline in the house and somehow, it was always when I was talking to my parents that FIL would want the phone to talk to his brother. On a few occasions, MIL came and stood at the door when I was talking and if looks could kill, I would not have been here narrating this at all. After that BH used to accompany me to the PCO after he was back from work (STDs after 9 pm were cheaper) and I used to call from there. Soon we applied for a second landline on his name and got it on tatkal. There was a furore over that and how much he had to spend for tatkal. It was alright. They could stew as much as they wanted. I now had a phone to call home whenever I wanted to.

    I sure did get a "reputation", but who cared? If I were to care for a good reputation, I could forget ever talking to my parents. The choice was very obvious.
     
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  4. monita

    monita Platinum IL'ite

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    Yes, Satchi. It's very typical of ILs. We did the same thing. My ILs used to live with us when we were in India. We had two phone lines and my FIL would keep one phone line engaged while my SILs the other one. If we or someone else needed to call home from outside, we could never get through. Later when we moved to other house, we installed a separate number in our bedroom which of course provoked my MIL to throw lot of taunts. When my SIL got married, they would call her early in the morning talking for hours. When my mother called to wish me happy Birthday and father called again later(from office), they would object why they have to call again and again.:rant
     
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  5. bhuvnidhi

    bhuvnidhi IL Hall of Fame

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    Satchi/Monita,I do not understand what is this all about? why such restrictions?Why should we not talk to our parents for long?Do they get some kind of insecurity?or is it just a control thing?Or do they feel that we are not respecting them?Why?Why? And Why?

    I still remember,when I was newly married,my friend from Delhi called me to wish me.I was talking to her with all smiles as we are so close.My SIL started commenting "look at the way she laughs.Tamizhe theriyathaakkum intha ammaakku"(come on is the any restriction on that too?and how can I speak to a NI in my lang?) to my MIL.And my innocent MIL said "yeah ,she has cute dimples".And my SILs reaction.........you can imagine.Why should there be any restrictions at all if we were suppose to treat as our own house?
     
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  6. bhuvnidhi

    bhuvnidhi IL Hall of Fame

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    Daffodil,We can only ask "why".I think it is ingrained in them and taught by the prev generations that ILs are suppose to behave like this else they will steal everything right from son to property.It is not only from In Laws side,even from our own people we can hear this.I still remember my paternal paatti(grandma)forcing my dad to get me and my sis married to relatives only and not from anyone outside.The reason she gave was , all the properties are hard earned by us and why should it go to someone else?We cannot expect them to change.We can only hope that atleast the future generations are not that way.
     
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  7. eandian

    eandian IL Hall of Fame

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    I cannot talk anything on the phone without MIL standing just 10 inches away from me. Even if she is busy, she will drop everything to evesdrop.
     
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  8. satchitananda

    satchitananda IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi Bhuvnidhi,

    Hi Eandian,

     
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  9. satchitananda

    satchitananda IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Daffodiill,

    Let us face reality. There is no answer to this "why"? The simple answer is "it is". It is in our hands to say "No, there will be no injustice. My parents are equally important to me and I will look after them". It is upto you to say this to your HUSBAND. It is upto him to support you. Your PILs have no say in this matter. Let them say anything they like. You have not asked them for their opinion and you are not obliged to pay any attention to any self-proffered opinions. If you and your husband have a good rapport and understanding, then there should be no issue. If you don't then there is a problem.
     
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  10. saman

    saman Bronze IL'ite

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    hi these were written in all age old books ans scriptures...and guess who wrote them....some chavunistic male...
     

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