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Unvaccinated Friends - How Not To Meet?

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by Laks09, Aug 13, 2021.

  1. Laks09

    Laks09 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    The vaccine has been available at every street corner for the past few months in my state. I have a child who isn’t vaccinated and might not be for a while even if he becomes eligible because of his inability to take shots. My only safeguard has been to not expose him too much. I barely met people all of last year. I had three families in my social bubble and we only met very rarely. Now that the vaccines have been around and we had some semblance of normalcy, I’ve been trying to have some dinners with friends one or two families at a time. I have a friend whom I wanted to meet. I texted her with a casual dinner invite with another family. She texted back saying their family isn’t vaccinated but since we’ve been cautious they’d love to see us! They are a family of four - both kids are high schoolers and eligible for vaccines. They just chose not to get the vaccine. The question is how do I uninvite without offending them? I didn’t even imagine they chose not to get the vaccine. I just assumed they received it. It’s not a special occasion, just a friendly dinner. I shared the other family’s name as well and told her we’d love to have them both over.
     
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  2. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Platinum IL'ite

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    Quite an awkward situation..
    Given the fact that vaccination hesitation is more in the US, this was to be expected..it’s surprising that entire family didn’t get inspite of it being widely available and knowing that being vaccinated mitigates the risk of death and hospitalisation if infected.
    Even people who are “careful” have got infected. Vaccinated or unvaccinated. So generally meeting people and having get togethers itself there is a risk you should be ready to take.
    There are 2 ways to deal
    1. Being frank - could speak frankly if you have a real close friendship and you know they won’t be offended. Could explain that since you have a special needs kid who is unvaccinated as of now you are having only vaccinated people at home till situation becomes normal..not sure how they would take it..a sensible person would understand.
    Someone with different mentality may get irritated.
    Getting to know that you hosted other families and not them and being uninvited May or may not be taken in right way.
    2. Diplomatic way - cancelling or postponing the event
    Could make up a reason that sounds very genuine like you or kids feeling unwell,
    Some urgent family emergency , or some relatives needing urgent assistance or help, some urgent personal work, some critical issue at work if you r working, etc..
    Or maybe domestic emergency like dishwasher or oven or some other essential appliance breaking down and needed repair etc.
    Worst case, you’re feeling a little down and want self isolation for Covid safety reason or came in contact with suspected infected person.
    Reasons are many
    Could postpone with selected genuine reason and say “ sorry , let us do this some other day “
    Since there is no special occasion and just a casual invite it’s not a big deal.
    You could indefinitely postpone and not have getothers or invite people for some time period..
    They would forget ..
    Then later be cautious and only invite people you know are fully vaccinated .
     
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  3. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    Just be direct, Laks.
    I have reached the point where I’ve lost patience with those who refuse to get the vaccine. The only thing that might get through to some of them is being faced with the consequences of their decision. See how your friends are very happy to take advantage of your own cautiousness.
    I would cancel the dinner date without a second thought. At my workplace we were all fully vaccinated with the mRNA vaccines back in January. One of my coworkers had to travel to Texas with his wife and teens due to a family emergency at the beginning of August. They had all been fully vaxxed. Despite that one of the children caught Delta and the entire family became sick despite getting the vaccine. And sick as in sick with a bad case of flu: cold, fever, body aches, cough, congestion, the works. Despite being vaccinated!
    He had to miss 2 weeks of work and is still coughing so he has been asked to work from home till he’s better.
    Since you have an unvaccinated child at home I would think hard before exposing him to unnecessary risk.
     
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  4. Srama

    Srama Finest Post Winner

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    Dear Laks,

    At this point, best to cancel dinner with both of them, then reschedule with the other family if you are want to or simply say will reschedule. It is not just your family, but the other family also no - how they feel about interacting with the unvaccinated family.

    With schools starting, the confusion is manifold for many. I know some kids who came down with a bad cold and cough the first day of school depsite being vaccinated :( I also know some teachers who are not vaccinated, are on a vacation in hotspot states and will come into school right away - with no mask mandates in place! So!! I worry.
     
    Last edited: Aug 13, 2021
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  5. Hopikrishnan

    Hopikrishnan Platinum IL'ite

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    On the positive side, the friend was quite nice to have divulged their unvaccination status to you.

    Tough situation. Only you would know whether the bond of your friendship is strong enough for them to take an uninvite, and yet be your friend afterwards. Had they all been sick with covid (whether symptomatic or not), they'd be as good as vaccinated.

    Obviously you cannot compromise on your child's safety. ​

    A simple face-saving thing is to cancel the party, promising to reschedule to a later date, and then make it an outdoor gathering.
     
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  6. SunPa

    SunPa Platinum IL'ite

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    That is awkward, Laks , but best to stand your ground. If I remember correctly, the state you are in is having pretty bad covid numbers and vaccination record, and your governor , smh...

    In that position , assuming it is a good friend, I would apologise and back out, putting the blame on DH. Saying he is uncomfortable intermingling with unvacced friends right now , especially as your son is unable to get the vaccine for the time being. With numbers going up, he says it is best to be vaccinated or super cautious. He is being paranoid but what to do, he is like that only.

    We are each others "fall guy" while dealing with extended family and giving excuses :-D
     
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  7. Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Platinum IL'ite

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    Directly tell her your not comfortable in mingling with unvaccinated people especially when TX has high delta cases.
    It's better to be open than sorry.
    A friend's friend family of 4 got covid despite vaccination, after attending a wedding with limited 30 people, all were vaccinated. No one knows how they got. Out of 30 , 14 got covid.
     
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  8. nuss

    nuss Platinum IL'ite

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    Being direct is the best way! If they are your friends they will understand your hesitation.
     
  9. 1Sandhya

    1Sandhya Platinum IL'ite

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    Well at least she had the decency to tell you upfront at planning stage itself instead of announcing it 2 hours into the get together.
    Your friend knew this might be an issue for you and let you know clearly so be equally frank with her.
    I’d just reply equally casually saying ‘oh hey, didn’t realize that! We are currently getting together only with fully vaccinated folks due to <kiddo> status. Bummer! (sad face)
    You can propose a zoom meeting if you must or simply postpone indefinitely.

    In these Covid times talking frankly about vaccine status and personal preferences for get together has become the norm so don’t worry yaar!
    Just few weeks back I got a casual message asking about our availability for a weekend gathering and while replying I made it clear we are comfortable doing only backyards currently. The host family was absolutely fine with that. In fact I ‘d suggest going forward you make vax status and your preference due to kiddo clear from the get go.
     
  10. 1Sandhya

    1Sandhya Platinum IL'ite

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    Interesting. Since it was a wedding I wonder if there were guests visiting from other countries present who were vaccinated but not with Moderna/Pfizer?
     

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