Unreasonable DILs

There are many instances such as the one you have mentioned. I have a friend whose son is a doctor in US. His inlaws are also in the same city as his parents. Consider the parents plight when they find that their son and DIL are in town at her parents' place and the son's parents were not even informed that the son and DIL were coming to India.

It was only a phone call from her son to tell her that if she wanted to meet her new grandchild she could come to DIL's parents' place.

Good MILS only wait for disillusionment to finally come to them and the sooner they accept it better for them. This is ok if MIL has her husband with her. What if she is alone? As you said. Is she not entitled to some respect from her kids? There are many DILs who would harm their in laws emotionally.

 

Rihana,

The points raised by you are thought provoking.

But you know , my friend had a ready excuse for the behaviour of her Dil.

This DIl refused to attend the religious ceremony at her MILs place and just when the guests were arriving, DIL went off to meet an aunt of hers in another town. So this friend was making up for DILs absence to her reltives by giving many excuses for her absence. Ofcourse everybody understood.

You are right it is difficult to pin point the blame but a little consideration would not have been amiss. Personally I have a feeling that DILs living abroad, get so used to living alone that they could not be bothered about keeping up with husband's relatives. What do you think?

Oh well!! Life has to go on.

 

it goes both ways, I only try to remember that what goes around comes around.....especially in the way I treat my in-laws !

 

hello
Yes you are very much right. what goes around comes back with doublefold.Itis no use
to the sufferer. we have to satisfy ourselves that is the karma
haripriyan

 

Hi Haripriyan,
I must have elaborated the pains let me highlight some for u,one of the day during my pregnacy(6th month) dh called me & said dont come home, mom has said so but get lost anywhere, i was spening my night in hospital not as a patient but pretended to be looking if it is safe untill my parents come next day they had been for my cousins wedding, i use to take my cloths to moms home to get it washed as i had complication in pregnacy, inspite there is maid,washing machine at PILs home, when my baby was born MIL didnt turn up to see the baby also, not even enquired even once about the baby over the telphone when i was at moms place, and when i went to dh home she said she cant stand the sound of baby crying and she wants peace of mind and asked me to leave with the baby so dh & i left the very own house(purchased by dh and me) and still staying in rented house, i had a miscariage due to the mental(abusing)/physical torture i think i am alive when my parents took me and i stayed there for 1 year where they never even called to check about me & kid, they belive in astrology, through some one they told i must stay in with dh to his prosperity so dh took me back with him, & now i think my heart does not respond to any of their emotions, now i stay mum over what ever happens so we can lead a happy lives. While i am writing this i think of my child who is with my MIL.

 

I don’t know much about any of you, my problem is I was raised mostly out of <?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-comffice:smarttags" /><st1:country-region><st1lace>India</st1lace></st1:country-region>. My views and attitude has changed with environment and time. When I met my MIL, from the looks of it I thought she was a little open minded. She is open minded but in case of her daughters. After 3 yrs of marriage and supporting my MIL and my SILs in everyway, I am still an outsider. I have taken every crap from them and yet if you ask my MIL she would tell you she has the worst DIL in the whole wide world.
MILs and DILs have both got a bad reputation because of some bad ones in the group. I have heard of MILs that treat their DILs better than their own daughtes and vice versa.
A lot of times we forget that the times have changed. Let’s say your MIL is in her 50s, so she got married in 1970s. They expect their DILs to be like when they were at the time of their marriage. They forget that this is 2009, a lot of us are educated, working independent women. And a lot of times we forget that our MILs are like our mothers. So they need to be respected and treated like we respect our mothers.
I think this fight of MILs and DILs will go on forever. You can call it a generation gap, you can call it understanding issue, whatever you name it, it will be there as long as we DILs AND MILs don’t try to bridge this gap.

 

hello piya
what is not justified need not be supported. take back your kid and be bold
haripriyan

 

my motto in life.. :thumbsup

 

Great thread Malyatha!
it is true that like there are unreasonable MIls , there are unreasonable DILs as well.

My SIL (brother's wife/bhabhi)'s brother is one such henp husband. My SIL has sad tales to tell us

Her mother and father raised her and her brother as equals and with good values. My mother says that in SIL she got a good daughter.

But SIL's brother's wife forces him to:

Not talk to his parents in front of her!
Not spend much time with his parents or relatives of FOO.
Makes a scene if he contributes financially to the family.
Nags him to "break" away ties.

Finally after this continued for two years, she moved to a rented accommodation next to her mother's!

Good for her, but she makes a scene when SIL's parents call the son.
I don't think that SIL's parents get to see their grand child more than once in 2 months!

So the world is made of all kinds of people. Hats off to the thread starter.