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Unmarried friend with multiple sexual partners....will he affect my marital life???

Discussion in 'Intimacy' started by friend2009, Aug 30, 2010.

  1. friend2009

    friend2009 New IL'ite

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    I met an old friend of mine recently. He is still not married, aged 40. Since, I am his friend so I took the liberty to ask him why he still remained a bachelor.

    He told me that he feels he cannot remain committed in one relationship and hence decided not to marry. But, then how is he able to control sexual urge. NO! he is not doing anything to control it but giving in. He sleeps with different women each time. I was kinda shocked to hear this!!

    Now, my question to ILites here is what do you all think? And, moreover can I trust him when he comes over to our place since I am married. With the guy like this as my friend what kind of image will I be building up and what will my wife think when she comes to know this about my friend?

    How do you think my married life may/may not get affected by this friend of mine?
     
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  2. Visu2k

    Visu2k Gold IL'ite

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    Re: Unmarried friend with multiple sexual partners....will he affect my marital life?

    It is his personal choice like it is yours to adhere to monogamy. If you want to invite him, you should let your wife know about your friend's choice and only invite him if she feels comfortable. I don't know why you are thinking so much about how your wife or society thinks about you if they know your friend's choices in life. You should bother about you and your family.
     
  3. friend2009

    friend2009 New IL'ite

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    Re: Unmarried friend with multiple sexual partners....will he affect my marital life?

    Visu, thanks for the reply. I too feel that I should not bother about his personal life but somehow whenever he comes over or I meet him those very thoughts cross my mind and I feel kind of uncomfortable.
    May be I am wrong.
     
  4. lotusgirl

    lotusgirl Senior IL'ite

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    Re: Unmarried friend with multiple sexual partners....will he affect my marital life?

    ok, if you find it uncomfortable having him around at your house, with your wife, then i do think its better you dont go ahead.. Why create unnecessary turmoil thinking how your wife would take it, if your friend might make advances etc ..

    But its his life and he can go ahead the way he wants.. its your life & you decide if you want a particular person part of it.. thats all...
     
  5. rajalakshmigopal

    rajalakshmigopal Gold IL'ite

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    Re: Unmarried friend with multiple sexual partners....will he affect my marital life?

    Its better to stay away.This is JMO.
     
  6. Tridev

    Tridev Silver IL'ite

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    Re: Unmarried friend with multiple sexual partners....will he affect my marital life?

    Looks like you have not really grown up. Common, that friend of yours is not hypocrite. He knows he cannot be satisfied with any one woman and is not getting married and when he is sleeping with other women he is not doing it without their consent. You will not need to be worried(for trust) so much from him if he comes to your house as much as from your neighbor who has a perfect family and lives with kids.

     
  7. Babli58

    Babli58 New IL'ite

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    Re: Unmarried friend with multiple sexual partners....will he affect my marital life?

    It shouldnt bother you at all.Live n let live.Dont act with immaturity.There are so many guys out there who dont get married so what ?Its their life ,their way to live life.
     
  8. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

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    Re: Unmarried friend with multiple sexual partners....will he affect my marital life?

    Just because he is not married, doesn't mean he is going to swoop in and steal your wife. I'm assuming he has sex with other UNMARRIED people, so how is it any concern to you? I could understand your concern if he was a cheater, having a wife at home and mistress on the side, but the reality is, he is just a single man who dates women without taking the comittment of marriage. That's his choice. It's up to you whether to continue your friendship with him, but based on this issue alone, I think it would be silly to cut him out of your life simply because of this.
     
  9. indianguy2010

    indianguy2010 IL Hall of Fame

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    Re: Unmarried friend with multiple sexual partners....will he affect my marital life?

    Three issues here , need to be addressed.

    1) Being a friend to a man, having multiple sex partners, is not going to bring down your image in any way. I see no logic in it.

    2) Such men , who openly boast about the number of women , they have had sex with are usually BENIGN, according to me. Because, they have made their past so clear to you. So, there will not be any hidden agenda with him, to seduce your wife, when he visits your house.YOUR WIFE IS SAFE WITH HIM. Rather, you have to be damn careful with the other male friend of you (if at all, such an another male friend exists), who is so decent, gentle and is in high status of the society. If this (hypothetical)male friend visits your house again and again........and if he is so nice to you and your family to the extent that your wife is so much all praise for him.........and your wife innoncently starts sharing every thing about your present life with him..................then, YOU HAVE TO BE CAREFUL. Most mate-poaching activities, in history , have been done by very decent and close friends............not by a friend, who has himself declared that he is a womaniser.

    3) Dont you think, this 'womaniser' friend of you is exaggerating things ? I think so. Because, he can not just like that seduce ten women every month for having sex with. However permissive a woman may be, she will not sleep with a man, without committment. To women, sex comes as a consequence of committment. Even highly advanced and utmost broad minded women are also not exempted from this Rule of Nature. The so-called one night stands (sex)with beautiful women around , without even a trace of committment, happens only to James Bond, in Hollywood, NOT IN REAL LIFE. In real life, a man can have sex with so many women, without committment, if and only if these women are commercial sex workers. It is very much possible that , your male friend is having sex with so many commercial sex workers. And, in order to make you feel jealous, he may be fabricating a picture that he is easily taking all women in the community around to bed, in a jiffy. He is just fooling you. Live with reality, buddy. Assess him, by his other qualities. Whatever he claims about his rendezvous with multiple women has no bearing in your life.
     
    Last edited: Aug 30, 2010
  10. friend2009

    friend2009 New IL'ite

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    Re: Unmarried friend with multiple sexual partners....will he affect my marital life?

    Thanks lotus and Rajlakshmi for the replies......



    Sometimes, the way I see things makes me think so too....Tridev.
    To make it clear about my friend...NO he is definitely not a hypocrite.
    He is more of a gentleman as any other guy around.

    You are right!!

    No!! I don't fear that. How my wife will react when she comes to know this about my close friend is what I fear. Usually, I have seen woman not having even an iota of positive feeling towards guys whose personal life is like my friends. Woman generally look down upon guys who sleep with different woman and since this is my nice friend so I don't want my wife to look down on him just for this quality of his.
    Hope I put that across clear.

    Thanks Indian guy. I read your post over an over. And yeah, I can see clearly what you mean. He may even be exaggerating and even if not, I shouldn't get bothered by his personal life.
     
    Last edited: Aug 31, 2010

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