unbiased views on this. and how to react in future

Rihana · Jun 14, 2012

OP,

More than once you have used the phrase "as mother of DS". Yes, you are the mother, but fact is that your son spends more awake hours with your MIL than with you.

>>> Being a mother, I expected I know what is being planned to be given to my son.

Ain't gonna happen. That would be like a hired nanny or maid seeking your approval on what to feed your son during the day. Even though you only want to know it as an fyi, your MIL having to tell you what is planned ends up looking like she needs your approval. Once you know what is being planned to be given to your son, what are you going to do with that information? Nod? Say OK? Express dissatisfaction?

What you can do depends on whether and your in-laws live together or MIL is only over temporarily to take care of son and in a few months he will go to a daycare. If living together, then you need to find some way to get your wishes honored. If she has come over just to take care of your son, then you have to bite your tongue and wait for when she will be gone from your place.

psasudha · Jun 15, 2012

Read your post and found it a bit funny. I would be worried if my child was 8 months old and MIL was trying new stuff. Next time gently tell them to inform you once before they try new stuff.Just be gentle. My MIL gets all her work done by being very gentle and I can neither say no nor complain. I have now learnt the knack from her

SiriVeda · Jun 18, 2012

Priyanka,

I dont agree with your statement "Keep me informed"... That happens only with nannies and not grand mothers taking care of their grand children....

If you have any question abt your son clear it with your MIL, never go to your DH complaining about his mother as it will always back fire.

Just ask her your doubts, tell her your fears...you are a new mother and she will be more than happy to clear your apprehensions if you ask gently. She is generous enough to take care of your child when you are away, Iam sure she will understand your fear. However, choose your words while asking her a question.

dahlia · Jun 30, 2012

Priyanka,
You are right in the way you reacted to MIL feeding. Its not the question of feeding right or wrong things to baby, its about keeping you in the loop. This is YOUR baby and only YOU & your husband have a say in how to raise him. You shouldnt be expected to ignore & let go when you feel uncomfortable when it concerns your baby.

My inlaws came from India to be with baby for 6 months. My ILs tried the same charade with me, wanting to feed solids, introduce lentils, and some other stuff. I was not ready to feed my son solids yet and wanted to confirm with doctor. At first, out of respect I didnt say anything but made some excuses to avoid the feeding. But when it was time for solids, I firmly told them what I plan to feed and how things are going to be with my baby. I couldnt trust them around my baby, you would never know what they might feed when you are at work. Of course parents are experienced and probably know more about babies than us, but this is MY baby and I know whats best for him. If I relied on them to take care of my baby, I'd have to accept the fact that he'd be raised as they seem fit and I would just have to grin and bear it.

I coudlnt put him in daycare as he was only 3 months old, so I resigned my job to take care of him. I never went back to work after maternity leave cuz I coudlnt trust him with with my ILs. I just couldnt think of being away from my son constanly worrying about what he is being fed. I'm so happy with my decision, I get to raise him as I see fit. I'm making mistakes, but they are my mistakes to deal with and I'm learning from it..as they say Mom knows best. Stand your ground, dont let anyone dictate you when it comes to your baby. Sad thing is, you need your husband's support on this. But if he doesnt, be strong enough to fight your own battle and tell him off too. Your priority is your son and only you know whats best for your baby.

I'd suggest day care, day cares here are quite good. They take good care of kids and teach them lot more than us. You'll have more control of your baby's well being if you dont rely on the parents.