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Unbearable, Shattered Life

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by jasu, Oct 28, 2016.

  1. jasu

    jasu New IL'ite

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    Hi ladies.. I am here today to seek help.
    All unimaginable things came in life.. everything at a time.. not able to handle even hour by hour or minute by minute.

    We came to India for vacation from US in June. Unfortunately, we couldn't get visa stamped.
    The trouble started here.. now all hell broke loose. My hubby lost US job as we can't get back to US. Now we ended up at in-laws.
    I am an MCA. Worked in IT. But a long ago 12 years ago. Now at my in-laws, I am having a hell. They always keep expecting me to work like machine.. my MIL doesn't give me enough to eat..even if she gives, says something that I won't feel like eating. anyway it's not at all tasty. That's different story.
    Everyday I retire to bed by 11.30-12 to wake up by 6 (my body clock alarm). Wake up mentally, physically exhausted.
    I do so much, rather having appreciation, they think I am a kamchor. I feel stranded just to do household chores..that they guide everything so much to nano level. They don't let me do things in my way. So much I have adopted to their ways. But it's never ending. My MIL always has something to comment. why did u do this, why didn't you do this;;!! Among all these things I don't have a personal life. Just wake up, work, eat sleep. I don't find time to take care of my ten year old ...can't get enough time to spend with her.
    My hubby at home struggling to find a job, doesn't look like he understands all this. Even if he does, I see there is nothing he can do at this moment. It's been almost 5 months we are like this. For him, there is nothing much has changed. But for me, the entire world has gone upside down.

    Now I am trying to find a job so that I get a getaway and can build my confidence, but nothing is working for us. my husband also trying everyway to find job even in US. We fortune nowadays is like that, someone come forward to help, so much promising...and they stop responding or simply vanish.
    I have got into such a situation, not able to handle things.. don't know what to do. I feel so sorry for myself...from where and how I can solve my own problems..
    Any help is appreciated. please guide me.
    Thank you.
     
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  2. coolgal123

    coolgal123 Platinum IL'ite

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    Dear, what i am understanding from your post is that your husband was working in us but your visa ended so you come back to india and now both of you looking for job....
    I hope you must be having some savings, why don't you move into some rented house??? you can take just 1 room somewhere in inexpensive locality.....bring down your expenses....living independently creates more pressure on your husband to find job and you will have peace of mind to find some work for you....
     
    minn1, SGBV and sindmani like this.
  3. jasu

    jasu New IL'ite

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    Dear coolgal123, thanks for your suggestion. Visa didn't end, it was just a visit to India. We were supposed to go back. couldn't go back as we couldn't get visa stamped. It all came to us as a blow.. We left all our belongings there...for last few months we are trying to wind up the rented house there, sell things, trying to get necessary things shipped to India. Savings are there.. if only I could convince my hubby ... But not feasible.
     
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  4. coolgal123

    coolgal123 Platinum IL'ite

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    Dear, gather more strength and ignore your mil, give priority to find some work than household chores....let your mil crib.....this too shall pass...just focus on what is important.....
     
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  5. lalsang123

    lalsang123 Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi jasu
    You have many jobs apart from IT.. May be you can go for a teaching job in schools or colleges.. Once you start earning, depending on your salary you can find a rented house which is cheap.. Your husband can also go for a temporary job (not necessarily IT) and parellely try for US opportunity jobs too.. You will also have time to look after your kid.. It is not going to work out until you go to a separate house.. See to it that it is far away from your in laws house.. Since you don't speak in return to what your mil speaks she thinks that she has the liberty to talk whatever she wants.. She has no business to hurt your feelings.. Why do you allow your mil to keep food for you? It's your house and you have every rights to serve for yourself..

    Whenever you talk to your mil let your words be firm(no maybe, shall be.. only will be).. Never wait for her reply.. Just tell her your opinion and leave that place...
    Be confident and be patient..
    Never lose hope..
    Just think that everything happens for your own good and keep trying..
    All the best
     
    minn1 and sindmani like this.
  6. Iamagoodgirl

    Iamagoodgirl Platinum IL'ite

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    In which city you are? If you are fluent in English you can get customer care job easily.
     
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  7. sindmani

    sindmani Platinum IL'ite

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    I faced the same situation for one month. But I had a home maid iny in-laws home to help me. My husband got a job after a month. Now he is in USA. But still iam waiting to go. But I tell u, every thing is for good.
     
  8. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    How about your savings in the past year's?
    If you have a decent savings? Then you are not totally dependent on your in laws.
    It is just a temporary choice to live with them.
    Do the chores as per your way. Refuse to do everything as per their demand.
    Say No, when you really can't work.
    Spend time with kiddo. Go out and spend time to look for jobs.
    If MIL comments, ignore. Don't feel responsible or slave to her.
    If her dominance becomes unbearable, make efforts to live separately.

    But in the mean time look for jobs and settlement plans.
     
    sindmani likes this.
  9. sindmani

    sindmani Platinum IL'ite

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    Op. I also feel the same as Sgbv ma'am. Please try for a job soon. Job will give u confidence.
     

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